Hi,
My little brother is 12 years old. He is starting to go through things that I went through at his age, he is depressed, self-injuring... I think a lot of it has to do with his homelife, as that was a big part of my problem then too. My stepdad (brother's adopted dad) is verbally/emotionally abusive. He talks bad about my mom to everyone he can, he talked bad about me to my face and to others when I was there (probably still does), and he does it to my little brother as well. I don't know how bad, or how much, but my little brother has told me his dad cusses him out, or they'll be out in public and his dad is one of those people who talks to anyone and everyone, and will tell them how my little brother is stupid and doesn't know anything, or that he's a smart*ss. I know what this does to a 12 year old's mind. I was 13 I think when my mom married this guy, and he did this to me all through my teenage years. My mom lets it go on. She doesn't like it, but she feels she has to stay with this man, that neither of them could support themselves if they split up, that she vowed through sickness and health and claims he is only this way since he had cancer several years ago (newsflash: he was the same before the radiation but she was blind to it).
My mom seems to have decided she doesn't want to be much of a mom, decided that when I was a kid, she left it up to my older sister to raise and discipline me when my sister still lived at home. After my sister went off to college, I did whatever I wanted, as my mom was working and I was home alone, no discipline. It's the same with my little brother. Yeah, my stepdad's there, but he does nothing but watch tv, get on the computer, or sleeps. he doesn't even cook meals for my brother. When my mom's home at dinner time (maybe a couple of nights a week), that's the only time my brother might get a healthy nutritional meal. It may be a little different now, as my mom has been demoted at work and shouldn't be working the longer hours she worked before, but I'm not there so I don't know.
My mom only wants to be a mother when something goes wrong and then she tries to discipline. She doesn't understand our depression problems, she pulls the whole "if you think your childhood was bad, look at mine!" or "what on earth does a 12 year old have to be depressed about?" She's not supportive, when we're having problems, it feels like she's beating up on us or minimizing the problem, or thinks we just want attention or are overreacting.
Anyway, it's not the best home life for a child/teenager. I don't have proof of how it is, except for mine and my brother's word. I don't know if I could do anything legally. But if at all possible, I would like to get guardianship. He sent me a message online a couple of days ago asking if he could please come live with me. Mostly what he complains of is his homelife, our parents.
My mom's "fix" to this is to ground him from all his friends, take away the internet, take away his phone. She's isolating him, that isn't going to help.
I don't know, even if I could get him out of that situation, if I would be able to get him. I don't have the most stable life. I am 23. I am going through a divorce and moved to another state to stay with a friend, because our family is so unsupportive that I didn't feel I would do very well going back to my parent's house. I do have a home to live in, however it's not in the best condition, but it's warm, it has heat, running water, we have a roof over our heads, and we're going to start fixing it up this summer and probably adding on to it. I am living with someone I met in the program of AA. I have 7 months sober, my roommate has 13 years sober. I am on disability, and so is my roommate (along with being a farmer), so there's not a whole lot of income, but we make it alright and could support my brother as well. If my brother were here, I'd have him in counseling, and probably in alateen, and possibly take him to some open AA meetings, although alcohol isn't his problem - yet. We'd have him working on the farm some, boost up his self-confidence, get him active, exercise, cook healthy meals for him. Being here has done so much for me, I feel it would be good for him also.
My mom does want to put him in counseling. Problem is, at the age of 12, the counselor can tell your parents anything they want. My brother knows that, and I knew that when I was in counseling before I was 18. He doesn't want to go back to counseling. He won't open up in counseling because of that. At least if he was here, and I had him in counseling, he wouldn't mind the counselor telling me what's going on.
I was hoping my mom might at least let him come visit this summer for a month or so. But she has something against alcoholics (recovering or not). She refuses to see how my life has turned around since I got sober. In her eyes I will always be a screw up.
Like I said, I have no idea if it's even possible to get guardianship of him, or how hard it would be, or if let's say I get him out of that situation, but would he be allowed to come live with me? would they put him in foster care, or put him in with my older brother or sister instead whose lives are a bit more stable than mine? Is emotional/verbal abuse and my mom's lack of parenting skills enough to get him out of there?
Any information, advice, whatever would be greatly appreciated...
Thanks,
Lisa
My little brother is 12 years old. He is starting to go through things that I went through at his age, he is depressed, self-injuring... I think a lot of it has to do with his homelife, as that was a big part of my problem then too. My stepdad (brother's adopted dad) is verbally/emotionally abusive. He talks bad about my mom to everyone he can, he talked bad about me to my face and to others when I was there (probably still does), and he does it to my little brother as well. I don't know how bad, or how much, but my little brother has told me his dad cusses him out, or they'll be out in public and his dad is one of those people who talks to anyone and everyone, and will tell them how my little brother is stupid and doesn't know anything, or that he's a smart*ss. I know what this does to a 12 year old's mind. I was 13 I think when my mom married this guy, and he did this to me all through my teenage years. My mom lets it go on. She doesn't like it, but she feels she has to stay with this man, that neither of them could support themselves if they split up, that she vowed through sickness and health and claims he is only this way since he had cancer several years ago (newsflash: he was the same before the radiation but she was blind to it).
My mom seems to have decided she doesn't want to be much of a mom, decided that when I was a kid, she left it up to my older sister to raise and discipline me when my sister still lived at home. After my sister went off to college, I did whatever I wanted, as my mom was working and I was home alone, no discipline. It's the same with my little brother. Yeah, my stepdad's there, but he does nothing but watch tv, get on the computer, or sleeps. he doesn't even cook meals for my brother. When my mom's home at dinner time (maybe a couple of nights a week), that's the only time my brother might get a healthy nutritional meal. It may be a little different now, as my mom has been demoted at work and shouldn't be working the longer hours she worked before, but I'm not there so I don't know.
My mom only wants to be a mother when something goes wrong and then she tries to discipline. She doesn't understand our depression problems, she pulls the whole "if you think your childhood was bad, look at mine!" or "what on earth does a 12 year old have to be depressed about?" She's not supportive, when we're having problems, it feels like she's beating up on us or minimizing the problem, or thinks we just want attention or are overreacting.
Anyway, it's not the best home life for a child/teenager. I don't have proof of how it is, except for mine and my brother's word. I don't know if I could do anything legally. But if at all possible, I would like to get guardianship. He sent me a message online a couple of days ago asking if he could please come live with me. Mostly what he complains of is his homelife, our parents.
My mom's "fix" to this is to ground him from all his friends, take away the internet, take away his phone. She's isolating him, that isn't going to help.
I don't know, even if I could get him out of that situation, if I would be able to get him. I don't have the most stable life. I am 23. I am going through a divorce and moved to another state to stay with a friend, because our family is so unsupportive that I didn't feel I would do very well going back to my parent's house. I do have a home to live in, however it's not in the best condition, but it's warm, it has heat, running water, we have a roof over our heads, and we're going to start fixing it up this summer and probably adding on to it. I am living with someone I met in the program of AA. I have 7 months sober, my roommate has 13 years sober. I am on disability, and so is my roommate (along with being a farmer), so there's not a whole lot of income, but we make it alright and could support my brother as well. If my brother were here, I'd have him in counseling, and probably in alateen, and possibly take him to some open AA meetings, although alcohol isn't his problem - yet. We'd have him working on the farm some, boost up his self-confidence, get him active, exercise, cook healthy meals for him. Being here has done so much for me, I feel it would be good for him also.
My mom does want to put him in counseling. Problem is, at the age of 12, the counselor can tell your parents anything they want. My brother knows that, and I knew that when I was in counseling before I was 18. He doesn't want to go back to counseling. He won't open up in counseling because of that. At least if he was here, and I had him in counseling, he wouldn't mind the counselor telling me what's going on.
I was hoping my mom might at least let him come visit this summer for a month or so. But she has something against alcoholics (recovering or not). She refuses to see how my life has turned around since I got sober. In her eyes I will always be a screw up.
Like I said, I have no idea if it's even possible to get guardianship of him, or how hard it would be, or if let's say I get him out of that situation, but would he be allowed to come live with me? would they put him in foster care, or put him in with my older brother or sister instead whose lives are a bit more stable than mine? Is emotional/verbal abuse and my mom's lack of parenting skills enough to get him out of there?
Any information, advice, whatever would be greatly appreciated...
Thanks,
Lisa
