custody

[get_smart]

Hello, This is my first time and posting on this site. I hope you can help me. I married a man I should not have married. I was aware of all of his attributes and I knew there was a possability things would not change and I would be unhappy. We have been married only 2 months and I want a divorce. He pulled my hair really hard in a heat of an augument and I know it will only escalate to worse abuse treatments. It's not the first time he has done so. I tried to ignor the signs. Before we got married he would grab me up by my collar or shove me into a wall and threaten to do more. I married him thinking things would change with the verbal a physical abuse, but I was wrong. We have a 3 year old son together and I hurt for him. His father with physically and verbally abuse me in front of him with out a care in the world. I have no voice in this marriage. I am required to take it and shut up. Do not provoke and lie down like a dog and take it because he is proving shelter for me and our son. I want this marriage to end before it gets worse. I want to save my sons child hood while I can. What is my first step. I can just take our son and move out. I know he has rights to but he is not reasonable. He will use him as a pon against me. I need help with the smart way of doing things. He is very decitful and manipulating. Please help me.

 

[Duranie]

First of all the next time he lays a hand on you you should call the police.

You must be able to document this abuse to use it against him mostly likely.

Until a court says otherwise you can move with the child but moving out of state would be unwise.

You can also try and get an restrsining order against him, it may get granted.

Do you have any friends or family in town that you can stay with? If I were you I would be packling up my things and moving out. Take the child with you. If you have no place to go then call a domestic violence shelter. They might even be able to help you legally.

I would file for divorce at any rate. please do this ASAP and don't allow youe child to witness any more abuse.

Good luck

 

[get_smart]

what about the baby?

Can he take the baby from me if I move out? How would custody be handled? Is he allowed to see him or am I aloud to keeo him from him until we settle things in court? I am just not sure what he may do to hurt me. He may try and take my son if he knew there would be no reprecusions.

 

[Duranie]

Until a court says otherwise either of you have full rights. I would file for a restraining order, that will make it much harder for him to come hear you.

So no he really can't keep you from taking the child. I would leave with the child when he is not home. Does he work? I would be making an escape plan.

 

[get_smart]

He works but he knows where my mom lives and he knows that's were I will be. So I know he will just come there and take the baby if he wants to see him. I dont want him to take him.

 

[Duranie]

Then you should file a restraining order, and file for divorce.

I would still go to your moms and if he threatens you, call the police.

 

[onlyme]

A restraining order automatically gives you temporary custody. Then he can be arrested for coming near you or your son.

 

[LaParole1]

Don't go to your Mom's at first

First, go to your local women's shelter and ask for help in completing two things (you can do the first by phone even)
a. put together a safety plan. They can give you literature to help you and they will help you be prepared so that you can leve with as much as you can
b. Get a safe deposit box and a post office box
c. When you leave, go to the women's shelter if they have room for you. they have advocates, case managers, and counselors who will help you through the legal mazes and help you file for the restraining order. If you want to go to your Mom's, have her address included in the order.

Once you have your safety plan gather important documents-- birth certificates, car titles, deeds to property, shot records, school report cards, savings account passbooks, tax returns, auto loan papers, etc. and put them in the safe deposit box. Also an extra set of house keys and car keys. and any amount of money that you possibly can stash there

Put together a bag with clothing and leave with a trusted person (not your Mom). Say you took the car for repairs or an oil change or whatever and instead stash it in a safe place. Have a trusted person drive you away, so that if there is a confrontation, there is a witness.

Get a cell phone (even a small prepaid one is good) and keep it with you.