sadiepancake
New Member
This continues in California, but the person is in Maine (where I went to highschool and worked for this person after highschool) and the harassment started in New York, where I went to college.
I am wondering if I have any legal options to keep this person from contacting me. Is a Cease and Desist order possible?
The situation:
This man was one of my teachers in high school - he was always appropriate and always professional then. I came home for a summer during college to work, and he offered me a job working with him at his and his wife's art gallery. We became better friends, and he shared his issues with depression. Really opened up to me. He asked for some help on art projects, including 1) he wanted to do my portrait in sculpture (to practice... he wasn't very good at faces) and 2) to get measurements correct on large mermaid sculptures he asked to take my measurements. His wife and kids were extremely upset that he was spending so much time with me. I was convinced none of this was ever sexual, since he had been a mentor, and also knew that I was gay and had even met girlfriends of mine. There was an extremely awkward and uncomfortable period of time in which he came in one day, locked the door to the gallery, and told me of his family's drama. I was uncomfortable with it, and he said that we could still work on the portrait in secret. He also told me I would have to stop working for him, and then gave me some money (a hundred dollars or so) as a parting gift for college and a thank-you for sitting for him for the portrait. I told him I was uncomfortable doing anything in secret, and that was that. I also told him that he could always contact me if he wanted to talk. I still saw us as friends.
After I went to college, he started e-mailing me constantly. I replied to the ones I could, but I was extremely busy with school. He started sending me angry e-mails when I would not respond. His responses were inappropriately emotional, I thought. I told him I would respond as much as I could, but that I was busy. He continued to e-mail me and also to friend me on facebook. I accepted all of this, because I cared for him and I figured he just needed an outlet. He then started to post on my facebook wall, which I was uncomfortable with. His e-mails got angry and he sent me an angry facebook message when I did not respond in a timely manner. I blocked him on facebook and told him I was uncomfortable with the online contact. I also explained to him that his e-mails were making me uncomfortable and that I just didn't have the time to respond. I explained to him that furthermore the attitude he took towards me in his e-mails was emotionally draining for me and that I did not have that energy to spare while at school.
He continued to e-mail me and seemed out of control. He would tell me about his depression and his sessions with his therapist and how he had come to think that I was a muse to him. He told me how I made him feel and that he saw me as a daughter. I accepted this and nicely told him that I did not have time to support him emotionally like he was asking me to. He got upset and sent me e-mail after e-mail. I told him I would no longer respond because I did not have the time or emotional energy. He continued to send me e-mails. Once I stopped responding to any of his e-mails, they would oscillate between emotional, angry e-mails, accusing me of being a bad friend and saying mean things about my nature. He continued to try and friend me on facebook until I figured out how to block him completely and to block myself from being searched. He would still send me update e-mails once in a while, that seemed normal and just an outlet for him to journal about his life. At this point it has been two years since the beginning, and he had not e-mailed me very often. I thought it was over.
Recently, he followed me on twitter, and sent me a message telling me that he was sorry he had followed me, that it was an accident, and that I could delete him if I wanted to. I let it be for a while, figuring that my twitter updates were harmless and I didn't want to hurt his feelings yet again. I figured he wouldn't try to contact me that way. The other day, he responded to one of my updates in a familiar manner - just told me something about how my creative energy was stronger than I thought it was. Not important, really, but on principal, I blocked him. I wanted him to know that it was not okay to contact me in any manner.
He sent me the following e-mail titled "Not Nice:"
"Deleting me from following you on twitter. NOT NICE. I told you that was an accident when I registered. You said that you do not hold grudges?
You are certainly not the person you used to be or you are completely phony. You were friendly to me just because I was your teacher at the time, and then just because I was your employer.
Do not reply. I do not want to hear from or about you ever again. By the way you owe me an amends and are very ungrateful."
I sent him an e-mail telling him this was my final contact with him and that if he contacted me in any way, I would take that as his understanding and acceptance of my plan to file for a Cease and Desist or to take legal action. I also said in the e-mail to him that if he contacted me in any way in the future, I would also take that as his agreement for me to use his e-mails in a court of law and to share them with anyone I see fit.
Is there anything else I can do? I'm not even sure if I have the ability to get a Cease and Desist order. I know that threatening him with a Cease and Desist may not have been the right path to take - I probably should have kept ignoring him - but my e-mail address does not have a block function. I have gmail, and so I can't bounce e-mails back to him unopened. I also do not want to change my e-mail address, because I use it for all of my work contacts, as well as everybody I know.
Every time he sends me an e-mail it hurts me. My heart always sinks and it does scare me a little. I have no idea what his capabilities are, but I do know that he lives in the same town as my parents. Thankfully, my little brother is off to college and no longer goes to school with him, but I know my brother will be back to his high school to visit and participate in alumni events. This extended harassment has been emotionally draining and time consuming. It was the worst at school, when I had no time to spend, but now I am really down to my last shred of patience with this guy.
None of his contacts are ever sexual, they are familiar and they are the responses of someone who is hurt and doesn't know how to let it go. He continues to hurt my feelings and ruin my days. I no longer want to think about him! I don't want any contact with him, I would like to forget that he ever existed. I have told him again and again that I do not want him to contact me, and in this last e-mail I felt that I was very clear: The final email states:
"It never should have come to this, but you keep pushing. Don't contact me over the internet at all. Don't friend me on any social networking site. Don't comment on anything I have up online. Don't send me e-mails. Don't reply to my Twitter. Don't try to friend me on facebook.
IMPORTANT: If you do contact me again, in any manner, it means that you understand and accept that I will get a Cease and Desist order and anything else I may need in a court of law. If you contact me again, in any manner, it means that you understand and accept that I will use the Cease and Desist order and that your actions will have legal ramifications. Furthermore, if you do contact me again, in any manner, it means that you are giving me permission to share all of the e-mails you have sent me to date (yes, I have saved all of them) in a court of law, and to whomever I wish to share them with."
What else can I do if he continues to respond?
I am wondering if I have any legal options to keep this person from contacting me. Is a Cease and Desist order possible?
The situation:
This man was one of my teachers in high school - he was always appropriate and always professional then. I came home for a summer during college to work, and he offered me a job working with him at his and his wife's art gallery. We became better friends, and he shared his issues with depression. Really opened up to me. He asked for some help on art projects, including 1) he wanted to do my portrait in sculpture (to practice... he wasn't very good at faces) and 2) to get measurements correct on large mermaid sculptures he asked to take my measurements. His wife and kids were extremely upset that he was spending so much time with me. I was convinced none of this was ever sexual, since he had been a mentor, and also knew that I was gay and had even met girlfriends of mine. There was an extremely awkward and uncomfortable period of time in which he came in one day, locked the door to the gallery, and told me of his family's drama. I was uncomfortable with it, and he said that we could still work on the portrait in secret. He also told me I would have to stop working for him, and then gave me some money (a hundred dollars or so) as a parting gift for college and a thank-you for sitting for him for the portrait. I told him I was uncomfortable doing anything in secret, and that was that. I also told him that he could always contact me if he wanted to talk. I still saw us as friends.
After I went to college, he started e-mailing me constantly. I replied to the ones I could, but I was extremely busy with school. He started sending me angry e-mails when I would not respond. His responses were inappropriately emotional, I thought. I told him I would respond as much as I could, but that I was busy. He continued to e-mail me and also to friend me on facebook. I accepted all of this, because I cared for him and I figured he just needed an outlet. He then started to post on my facebook wall, which I was uncomfortable with. His e-mails got angry and he sent me an angry facebook message when I did not respond in a timely manner. I blocked him on facebook and told him I was uncomfortable with the online contact. I also explained to him that his e-mails were making me uncomfortable and that I just didn't have the time to respond. I explained to him that furthermore the attitude he took towards me in his e-mails was emotionally draining for me and that I did not have that energy to spare while at school.
He continued to e-mail me and seemed out of control. He would tell me about his depression and his sessions with his therapist and how he had come to think that I was a muse to him. He told me how I made him feel and that he saw me as a daughter. I accepted this and nicely told him that I did not have time to support him emotionally like he was asking me to. He got upset and sent me e-mail after e-mail. I told him I would no longer respond because I did not have the time or emotional energy. He continued to send me e-mails. Once I stopped responding to any of his e-mails, they would oscillate between emotional, angry e-mails, accusing me of being a bad friend and saying mean things about my nature. He continued to try and friend me on facebook until I figured out how to block him completely and to block myself from being searched. He would still send me update e-mails once in a while, that seemed normal and just an outlet for him to journal about his life. At this point it has been two years since the beginning, and he had not e-mailed me very often. I thought it was over.
Recently, he followed me on twitter, and sent me a message telling me that he was sorry he had followed me, that it was an accident, and that I could delete him if I wanted to. I let it be for a while, figuring that my twitter updates were harmless and I didn't want to hurt his feelings yet again. I figured he wouldn't try to contact me that way. The other day, he responded to one of my updates in a familiar manner - just told me something about how my creative energy was stronger than I thought it was. Not important, really, but on principal, I blocked him. I wanted him to know that it was not okay to contact me in any manner.
He sent me the following e-mail titled "Not Nice:"
"Deleting me from following you on twitter. NOT NICE. I told you that was an accident when I registered. You said that you do not hold grudges?
You are certainly not the person you used to be or you are completely phony. You were friendly to me just because I was your teacher at the time, and then just because I was your employer.
Do not reply. I do not want to hear from or about you ever again. By the way you owe me an amends and are very ungrateful."
I sent him an e-mail telling him this was my final contact with him and that if he contacted me in any way, I would take that as his understanding and acceptance of my plan to file for a Cease and Desist or to take legal action. I also said in the e-mail to him that if he contacted me in any way in the future, I would also take that as his agreement for me to use his e-mails in a court of law and to share them with anyone I see fit.
Is there anything else I can do? I'm not even sure if I have the ability to get a Cease and Desist order. I know that threatening him with a Cease and Desist may not have been the right path to take - I probably should have kept ignoring him - but my e-mail address does not have a block function. I have gmail, and so I can't bounce e-mails back to him unopened. I also do not want to change my e-mail address, because I use it for all of my work contacts, as well as everybody I know.
Every time he sends me an e-mail it hurts me. My heart always sinks and it does scare me a little. I have no idea what his capabilities are, but I do know that he lives in the same town as my parents. Thankfully, my little brother is off to college and no longer goes to school with him, but I know my brother will be back to his high school to visit and participate in alumni events. This extended harassment has been emotionally draining and time consuming. It was the worst at school, when I had no time to spend, but now I am really down to my last shred of patience with this guy.
None of his contacts are ever sexual, they are familiar and they are the responses of someone who is hurt and doesn't know how to let it go. He continues to hurt my feelings and ruin my days. I no longer want to think about him! I don't want any contact with him, I would like to forget that he ever existed. I have told him again and again that I do not want him to contact me, and in this last e-mail I felt that I was very clear: The final email states:
"It never should have come to this, but you keep pushing. Don't contact me over the internet at all. Don't friend me on any social networking site. Don't comment on anything I have up online. Don't send me e-mails. Don't reply to my Twitter. Don't try to friend me on facebook.
IMPORTANT: If you do contact me again, in any manner, it means that you understand and accept that I will get a Cease and Desist order and anything else I may need in a court of law. If you contact me again, in any manner, it means that you understand and accept that I will use the Cease and Desist order and that your actions will have legal ramifications. Furthermore, if you do contact me again, in any manner, it means that you are giving me permission to share all of the e-mails you have sent me to date (yes, I have saved all of them) in a court of law, and to whomever I wish to share them with."
What else can I do if he continues to respond?
