There was a terrible accident.......

[Betty3]

There was a terrible accident at a building site and a construction worker rushed over to where a well-dressed woman was pinned beneath an iron girder.

"Hang in there lady," he said as he consoled the woman. "The ambulance will be here soon. Are you badly hurt?"

"How should I know?," she snapped. "I'm a doctor, not a lawyer."

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

If a man serving a life sentence dies of a heart attack in prison but is revived minutes later, has he served his sentence?

 

[Michael Wechsler]

How cynical, LOL. Steve Martin has one of the funniest articles about "causality" and basically it's all about how lawyers are the ones who determine every aspect of how the world works, including mathematics and science.

 

[Betty3]

I can see that! (Just kidding)

 

[DAWW]

Dark night, an intersection, in different cars a doctor and a lawyer are in a car accident. The lawyer helps the doctor out of his car and gives the doctor a drink from her flask. Then puts the flask away without drinking.

Doctor: "Aren't you going to have a drink".

Lawyer: "Right after the police leave".

 

[DAWW]

The American Association for Laboratory Animal Science announced today that lawyers will be used instead of rats for testing purposes. Stated reasons are lawyers are more plentiful then rats, the researchers are less likely to develope attachements and the test results are generally applicable to humans.

 

[Betty3]

Upon death, a lawyer finds himself in line at the Pearly Gates, waiting to speak to St. Peter. When it's his turn, he finds St. Peter at a desk in front of a computer terminal. He is very distraught and anxious to plead his case.

"There must be some mistake," says the lawyer. "I can't possibly be dead. I was sitting at my desk working on a very important case that might make me a partner, and the next thing I know I'm here. Nothing fell on me, I didn't have a heart attack, I wasn't sick....what am I doing here?"

St. Peter asks him his name, punches it into the computer, and waits patiently for it to register. "Ah," he tells the lawyer, "it says that you died of old age."

"Old age?" the lawyer says. "How could I die of old age when I'm 34?"

St. Peter shakes his head while looking long and hard at the screen and says, "That's odd; according to your billing hours, you're 106."

 

[DAWW]

Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.

 

[Betty3]

The jovial lawyer, rising to address a gathering after dinner, noticed that in the audience was another gentleman who was well known as one of the foremost after-dinner speakers in the nation.

The lawyer, striking an informal pose, with his jacket open and his hands in his pockets, said, "How odd to see my good friend George in the audience, demonstrating that a speaker can listen to someone else's words on occasion."

And from the audience, George cried out, "And how odd to see my good friend Henry on the podium, demonstrating that a lawyer can have his hands in his own pockets on occasion."