Sue my dad?

[aquamermaiden]

Hello all
I am so sorry for the novel but i dont think theres any short way of explaining.I've been looking into the possibility of suing my biological father for everything and anything that i can. My complicated story goes like this...
My whole life i never had a father,until i was about 10 i never even knew what one was. I never really questioned why others had one but me until i was about 14. My mom was a little hesitant on trying to find him for me but she did. The first time i spoke with him i found out he was married and had 4 step kids, one from his marriage and one from before i was even brought into this world. It was maybe a 15 minute call and then i never heard from again. I dont know how many times or how long my mom asked him for child support but she took him to court and he only paid for less than a year and a half. When she called him to ask why the payments had stopped he said b/c he didnt have to pay anymore b/c i had turned 18. Shortly after that is when i first met him. I dont know why he even wanted to meet me,if i knew the person he really was and still is i never would have wanted to meet him. Apparantly he hasent changed much since when my mom was with him. I have a pretty close relationship with my half sister(the one from his marriage) and i did with my half brother until i found out he was addicted to drugs and stole from me. The reason my dad disappeared after the first time i talked to him was b/c he had gone to prison for something really bad and that wasent the first time he had been there. I dont know any other things that happened with his life b/c he wont tell me. Three years ago i asked him to help me with college and he said no,his reason was he couldn't afford it. I ended up getting a loan and therefore getting myself into debt which i have managed to make regular payments on. While i had my own apartment my mom had called him to ask him to bring me some money so i could eat and he threw a huge fit saying that i should just go live with him. He ended up giving me $300. When i could no longer afford to live on my own,i had moved out of province for school,i moved in with him so i could look for employment and figure out my life so i didnt have to move back home right away. I knew he had a big problem with drinking and didnt want to but i had nowhere else to go. Turns out his drinking problem was worse than big and it came with a lot of other major negative things. I had to clean the apartment eveyday to make it livable,which left me very little time to look for a job. He refused to pick up after himself..he even went as far as paying my friend while she was visiting on vacation to do his laundry! His reason for not doing anything was that he worked all day and was tired and sore. That really made me MAD b/c i knew he never worked ALL day,he worked and then went to the bar for hours on end and got beyond drunk and then came home to pass out. (He once came home so drunk that he passed out on the couch with a lit cigarette and started the couch on fire..i'm talking flames) Aside to the fire, he liked to have his drunken talking sessions where he knows everything and starts an arguement. There were lots of times that he'd start yelling at me b/c someone at work made him mad and he'd take it out on me. Other times he'd just scream at me for no aparant reason. The worst part of it all is that he never remembers yelling at me for anything,even if it were 10 minutes later. Luckily he was never physically abusive toward me at all. The whole time i lived with him i never asked him for anything financially. Now that i live back at home i recently asked him to help me out with getting a new vehicle since my other one has died again and isnt worth getting fixed. He officially lost his mind,i would have thought that someone was trying to kill him by the way he was screaming at me! He's poor and has his own crap to pay for and blah blah blah..so it was a definite no way. Though he did say that maybe in 3 weeks he'd give me $3000 but im not holding my breath, i know that he never falls through on what he says b/c he never remembers. Needless to say i still havent seen a cent. I am hoping to start college again this fall but i am really going to need some support from him b/c my mom and grandparents have given me tons of financial support as best as they could my whole life and they're not exactly wealthy. Another aspect of my problem is that he gives my sister money frequently..birthdays,christmases,when she calls him and asks him for some and he acts like its the end of the friggin world the few times i've asked. He has mony to give to my sister(always paid her mom child support too),for the excessive amout of booze he drinks and all his other extra life "necessities". It seems to me that he has never wanted me in his life and is trying to make me leave him alone but he wont just come out and say he doesnt want me or anything to do with me. He just calls me lazy and immature and accuses me of being on drugs and says he never had a new car or an education so i dont deserve them. Im the only mature kid he has..my brothers a drug addict and my sister was a teenage parent that doesnt want to do anything with her life. He treats me like im worthless and thats when he doesnt pretend i dont exist. Im so sick of it all that i dont know what else to do to make him realize that im not going to go away. I've tried to help him help himself but he turns it around to make it seem that im the one with the problems and i have nothing good awaiting in my future. He has no idea how badly hes abused and hurt me mentally and verbally and i want him to know. Suing him might make him open his eyes and realize my pain and frustration of not being able to have a decent conversation with him about things that are important for my life and maybe his. I dont know what he's like when he isnt drinking but im sure he'd lie his way through it. I have all of the court documents from when my mom sued him and theres a transcript from the hearing and near the end when the judge was giving the order for the payment amount he said that if he made more money the next year that he wouldnt mind paying more because im his daughter,he's never met me but im his daughter and he wouldnt mind paying...that completely goes against everything that hes done to and for me. He lied under oath,he never had any intention of being that way at all. This is about half of my story and i feel bad for writing this much. I wish i could tell it all so any advice on what to do about what i have written would be appreciated. I have so many things running through my head about this i just need to know where to start so i can put it all together and do what i gotta do. I hope someone can help.
Thanks so much.

 

[Duranie]

You are not going to like my answer but no, you appear to have no case against your dad. Also your mother is also responsible for you having a deadbeat dad. She chose him to conceive you. So don't just blame him for everything.

No, you probably cannot sue him for anything. It is up to your mother to pick up the slack if your dad was a deadbeat. He does not owe you anything unfortunately. There is no law saying he does not have to be a good dad.

He is not obligated to buy you a car, or pay for college, nor does he owe you any support. Support is owed to your mother, not you.

Sorry but I think you need to face up to the fact that your father does not seem to have much interest in being a dad. He was never there, don't expect him to be there now. You might have to get a full time or part time job to help pay for school or get student loans, lots of kids do it.

If he is an alcoholic, it is up to him to seek treatment. You cannot help an alcoholic if he does not want the help. That is a fact.

It sounds like you have come to realize your father cannot be depended on for much so now that you are an adult, worry about how you are going to take care of yourself.

Your mom is probably owed CS arrears, she should contact her local CSE, or CS collection agency, or an attoreny to see how she can get her money.

 

[aquamermaiden]

I respect your reply however i disagree with you on some things.
It may be unheard of for a child to sue a parent but child support is the right of the child rather the right of the parent(s).
My mother is not responsible for my fathers actions or lack thereof. He is capable of making his own choices and he chose not to have anything to do with ME for resons he refuses to tell me. My mother and grandparents gave me as much as they could throughtout my entire life but there comes times in peoples lives where it's just not possible for them to help enough or at all so therefore it would be my fathers responsibility to pick up HIS slack and help out maybe just once. As for him not being obligated to buy me a car,pay for school or owe me any support..I don't expect him to pay for everything,i expect him to help out as best as he can. I came across some legal information pertaining to child support that said,"the parent has the legal duty to support a child who is: the age of majority or older but is unable,by reason of illness,disability or other cause,to obtain the necessities of life." An education would be a necessity of life. That would mean i can get another loan and work my butt off to pay for school and living but he should also be contributing. He never legally gave up his parental rights and never tried to opt out of any legal financial responsibility given by the court previously so why would he get away with more than refusing now. The lack of effort he's put in to getting to know me proves he has no interest in being a dad,i'm aware of that. I'm also aware there is no law saying you have to be a good dad but there are laws that dont let them get away with being completely neglectful of their actions. It's the fact that he's treated me very differently than everyone else in his life since day one and he's willingly supported other offspring as well as step children throughout his life but has barely acknolwedged me ever. I wouldn't expect you to understand unless you've had a parent that loved everyone except you. So i,as a child of a deadbeat dad,do believe he owes me something...if not occasional financial support or a decent relationship then at least an explanation of why he doesnt want me in his life.

 

[Duranie]

You do not have to agree with me, but parents are not required to pay for their childrens college education, unless it was awarded by the courts. A college education is a priveldge, not a right.

It is your mothers responsibility to go after him for money. If she is not pursuing this, this is not helping you.

A father might have a legal obligation to pay child support, but thats it and there is no way you can force him to pay unless your mother calls CSE or gets an attoreny to put the pressure on him.

Child support is NOT owed to the child, it is owed to the parent. Your mother must go after him. She chose this deadbeat to father you.

You can read me all the CS rules you came across all you want. See an attorney if you want to pursue this, but you will be told your mother needs to take action. You cannot force your dad to pay up on other things. You can blame your father all you want, but your mother had options she could have taken to court to get him to pay up, to get college expenses awarded, BUT if a guy has a sporadic work history and does not make alot of $$$ the courts are not going to force a father, or any non custodial parent, to pay for college expenses. Only in a small % of cases is a CP able to have college expenses awarded, and that is only with a NCP that thas a stable work history and documented earnings at or above average. Unless a court tells him to, he does not have contribute to college.

He is a deadbeat dad, and you cannot force him to treat you like other kids. It is a sad fact unfortunately.

Book a 1 hour consultation with a family law attoreny in your state if you need to hea this in person. You will have little or no succes in collecting any money from him.