Domestic Violence & Civil Orders restraining order help

[dopeysd619]

Hi everyone so here is my problem. I recently separated from my fiancee in late sept 2013 after her 12 year old daughter accused me of doing some horrible things. Me having nothing to hide cooperated fully with the detective and did not talk to a lawyer first. Now lawyer told me I should never have cooperated fully with them. Without a lawyer present. So that was my mistake for thinking even though I'm innocent I will cooperate and things will get fixed. So ok with that being said me and the mom kept talking for the next couple of weeks until just recently last Friday. She went and filled a restraining order on me just to show she was being a protective parent and not loose her daughter. As much as I should be upset I'm not even though she lied about why she did it and pretty much said was forced by the day to do it. And of course her believing that everything they tell her is what's going to happen she did it. On my court date for the temp restraining order I had car trouble I only have an old car gave myself what I thought was enough time for incase of an emergency. Well court I was supposed to show up at is almost 3 hrs away. My car overheated going up the mountains to San Diego and missed my court. Since we were still texting during the whole time I asked what the court said about restraining order she said the judge granted it but she was not going to serve me with it so supposedly it would not be active. I was like that don't sound right. So she goes on telling me about how great these guys are that she's seeing and how much more successful they are then me and better looking. So I took that as a fine time to move on and leave her alone I did and when she saw I had gone out with a friend she contacted her. My friend ignored her request which was sent on a fake Facebook account she created. She was upset she got ignored so then she contacted my friends family and Co workers and friends and put a lot of pictures like one of my father's from the meagans law website saying like father like son. Also called me a child predator on this sight and just pretty much defamation of character. It sucks because this temp as well as permanent restraining order should protect me as well from her. But what do I have to do the day I was going to court I had all these text messages printed out to show them the restraining order was all lies and there was a different reason as to why she got it. Now with her accusations and her Facebook page she has really ruined my reputation in this little town I have always helped out people specially children because I was a youth advocate helping kids get out of gangs and drugs and putting them back in school. I just recently got out of serving in the military after 8 years. I am known for always helping people now all these people give me dirty looks cause of what she did friday. What can I do? What should I do? Can I file a restraining order on her or can she get in trouble for contacting and harassing me and for the defamation of character. I don't want to loose any of my military benefits as I am very low income and depend on them. Thank you for your help

 

[Proserpina]

Okay. What we have here is someone - not you - abusing the process. Your attorney is correct in that you shouldn't have said a word without an attorney being present but that's all spilled milk at this point.

You've got two realistic options, but unfortunately neither of them will undo any damage already done.

1. Ignore this woman - and I mean IGNORE her. Your friends and acquaintances will know the truth. Heck, there's a pretty decent chance they're all rolling their eyes anyway - because let's face it, if there was actually some truth to her allegations you likely wouldn't be sitting at home typing.

2. File for an anti-harassment (or equivalent) order yourself. The downside of this is that your private life can become fodder for anyone who happens to find out about the case.

While defamation appears to be present, there's not a lot you can do about it. You can have your attorney draft a Cease & Desist letter and while these carry no legal weight they're often enough to make the person shut up.

Defamation suits are inherently costly to litigate. Think several years (if short) and $50k (if cheap). Even if you won, the chances of recovering any monetary damages are slim to none. And again filing such a suit would open the floodgates to every single thing in your life (and possibly the lives of your loved ones) being on public display.

Stand by for others to respond though.

 

[dopeysd619]

Ok thank you is there any way I can appeal the permanent restraining order since I wasn't able to make it to court. Reason being I was supposed to have enlisted once again into the military but since I was not able to show up because of the car problems going over the mountain on my way to court it was granted without my side of the story. So now it does not expire until nov. Of 2018 which is a long time plus keeps me from going further in the law enforcement process which I'm sure with just the accusations I have lost that chance as well. I have the proof on text she has been harassing me?

 

[Proserpina]

Unfortunately not turning up isn't an appealable issue.

Dude, you're trying so hard and I know it seems like someone is trying to cut you off at the legs every chance she gets. But I can't help but think it would be better just to keep your head above it all, and let her carry on her foolishness (unless you go for the order against her). It's much easier to explain the circumstances of a single order than explain why you and she have been in court every six months for 2 years.

Y'know?

 

[dopeysd619]

It makes since plus all that they have done has pushed me to get my motivation I had lost when returning from iraq. I'm actually starting my own business since next week since I can't work in the field I know. So all in all like you say just letting it be would be better thank you for the advice.

 

[CdwJava]

First off, the restraining order is not a two-way order. It serves to protect only one party from another. In this case, her from you. If you feel you have enough to fear for your safety (and that doesn't seem to be the case) you can apply for a TRO against her.

If she has damaged your reputation by telling lies about you then you can engage an attorney and try to sue her for defamation in one form or another, but those suits are generally expensive and take a long time. If you're just this side of poverty, you likely don't have a chance there. And if she is relating details of the accusations or the existence of the TRO, then that's not likely actionable unless you can PROVE that what she says are knowing and intentional lies. She can possess an errant belief and not be held accountable for expressing her opinion that you molested her daughter.

I am not sure what the answer is for you except to do your best to shake your head and deflect the accusations. If the people that know you really do know you, then they should be inclined to believe this is BS.