Dear Eighteen wanting to try your wings
First let me say that I am a 63 year old grandmother of six aged 22 to 8 with a daughter 41 today and a son 40 in June. So I've been around the block with my children and I have some grandmotherly advice.
Just read and meditate on it a while, like a long while.
My daughter was ready to move out when she graduated from High School, too. Well, after 2 years of sharing living space with girls, guys, and girls and guys, she came home pregnant after a party with her peers and so I have my 22 year old grandson. He was placed for adoption by her as the best choice for him because she didn't want her son to look at her when he was old enough to talk and ask her why he didn't have a Daddy AND a Mommy. She'd been traveling with the group of girls who kept their babies and saw what was happening. At two and three in the morning, they were dragging these babies and toddlers around with them. If they had a boyfriend who wasn't the baby's father, the child often ended up abused and some of her friends had actually had non-related boyfriends cause excessive abuse. (Statistics prove that the majority of child abuse is initiated by non-related boyfriends.) My daughter wasn't sure what her future held and she did what she did to protect her son. The couple who adopted him are friends of our Pastor at the time and have since adopted three other children. He came back into our lives recently as an adult. Right now he's in Iraq.
I tell you this true story because it reoccurs many times in cities all over this country. Good girls living on their own drink a bit more than they know is their limit. Good girls are given a date-rape drug unknowingly and wake up to a room full of guys who are 'waiting their turn' (this just happened to a young girl I know who attended a Methodist College and lived on campus).
I know you think you can handle any situation, but that doesn't mean that the situation can be handled. You can have a black belt in Karate but that does you no good if you're hit over the head from behind or if you're given too much alcohol or a date-rape drug. Your Mom wants to protect you from what she knows lurks out there. Not that you should live in fear, but remember that it's fear that often keeps a person driving on the right side of the road, stopping at red lights, and locking all the doors at night. We don't do those things because we "want" to, we do them to protect ourselves from harm. So, fear is a good thing in many situations.
As a grandmother, here's what I'd suggest for you: 1- Keep your grades up so that you can acquire scholarships and grants to the two year college. 2) This summer, get a job so you have a job history. Do well, obey orders, learn how to use a cash register. (As an adult, I took a second job and had to learn how to use a cash register; I called my daughter in tears because I didn't think I could get the hang of it. She encouraged me and of course, I learned.) Learn how to be a waitress (a great job for a college student, because you can work weekends and make good tips once you are of age to serve alcohol. My daughter could earn $200 a weekend waiting tables at a local sports bar.) AND she kept up her grades during her Jr and Sr years in college graduating cum laude. 3) PAY your mother one quarter of your salary for "room and board" and eat at home most of the time. This will help you learn just how difficult it may be out in the "real" world when you truly are on your own.
Now I know you talked to these three girls about sharing an apartment. Wanna hear my next tale? It's my niece's story. She thought she was able to handle her life just fine, so at 18 she went to a prestigious East Coast university. Cost $23,000 a year room, board and tuition for out of State students. My brother and wife took out loans and she got a very small scholarship for playing cello in the orchestra. They put $500 in her account each month to pay for extras. Well, my niece found a group she liked to hang with and other than the fact that their parents were not paying out of State tuition, they seemed quite compatible -- well not really. You see, these girls had an unlimited income from their parents and they rarely ate on campus. To be with her friends, my niece ate out with them. And in one to two weeks all her extra money was gone. Oh, no problem, her friends let her borrow. (Never a good plan.) The money for board was included in her costs. She forfeited that by not eating in the college cafeterias. Money down the drain. THEN, her friends wanted to be repaid and my niece had no money. So she lost her friends and they told their friends and it didn't get ugly, but she found herself an out-cast. Then to top it off, she didn't go to her university counselor AND she only took electives the entire first year at this school (and the only year at that school) so that when she enrolled at the local community college back home a year ago, she had ZERO credits and her second year of college was her true "freshman" year. But, to catch you up. She planned with three friends to move into an apartment together and share costs. She was working at a restaurant and bringing home around $175 a week, sometimes $200. Problem was, she had taken up Starbucks coffee every day and $5 a pack cigarettes every couple of days. And had a big old (protective) gas guzzler car. She lived with the other girls for 3 months and did not pay them anything towards rent or utilities and ran up $1000 phone bill. Now, she has dropped out of college after taking a partial load for one year and a half, works for one week to three months before she quits or is fired, and still owes her parents for money they've forked out for her, she had to sell her Concert cellos (she had 2) to pay the bills she owed from her 3 months in the shared apartment.
And through all of this, she doesn't think she's made any poor decisions. Now you're probably thinking, Something Like This Will Not Happen To Me. Unfortunately, the odds are that it will. But, you may be the one person who can rise above the pitfalls and do exceedingly well.
My advice though, is to do all your homework, extra credit work, and get great grades even if it means a few missed dates, so that you can qualify for college money. Second bit of advice, get a job when school is out and work to keep it while you're attending college and living at home. Third bit, pay your Mom something towards your room and board and eat at home. That amount should represent what is the "usual" amount for people who work full time and that is One-Quarter (1/4) of your gross income. And save every penny you can. No Starbucks or cigarettes.:angel
When it's time to attend a 4 year college for your Jr and Sr years, you'll be head and shoulders above the crowd because you will have learned 1-how to study, 2-have a skill to get a job easily, and 3- how to budget, save money, and live within your means.
Sorry this got so long, but I am a well of information, some of which is actually worthwhile. ]
Take it easy, Auntie Coosa
