1. Free Legal Help, Legal Forms and Lawyers. TheLaw.com has been providing free legal assistance online since 1995. Our most popular destinations for legal help are below. It only takes a minute to join our legal community!

    Dismiss Notice

Lawyer Jokes Set 7

Discussion in 'Lawyer Jokes, Stories' started by jon_, Aug 20, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. jon_

    jon_ Law Topic Starter New Member

    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    0
    A prominent lawyer's son dreamed of following in his father's footsteps. After graduating from college and law school with honors, he returned home to join his father's firm, intent on proving himself to be a skilled and worthy attorney.

    At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, father! The Smith case, that you always said would go on forever -- the one you have been toiling on for ten years -- in one single day, I settled that case and saved the client a fortune!"

    His father frowned, and scolded his son, "I did not say that it would go on forever, son. I said that it could go on forever. When you saw me toiling on that case for days and weeks at a time, didn't it ever occur to you that I was billing by the hour?"

    ----------

    A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you."

    After much thought and consideration, the man finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

    Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two pillow cases stuffed with cash.

    "Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."

    ----------

    George had responded to a call from his attorney, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office.

    "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked.

    "Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news first."

    "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."

    "That's the bad news?" George was stunned? "If you call that bad, I can't wait to hear the terrible news."

    "The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."

    ----------

    On coming home from a late night at the office, the partner at a presigious law firm discovered that his basement was flooded. He summoned a plumber. The plumber arrived soon afterward, with a spare set of overalls and a cap that said "Blue Collar Guy".

    The lawyer, still dressed in his an expensive suit, silk tie, and gleaming wingtips, chuckled. "I like your hat," he said. "But you're the first plumber I've met who brought a change of clothes to a job." The plumber smiled.

    The plumber went down into the basement, and the lawyer heard him working downstairs. Before too long, the plumber came back upstairs. "I'm almost done down there. I'm going to write up your bill, then I'm going to go out to my truck for a tool I need to finish up."

    The plumber added, "The overalls and hat you asked me about, they're not for me. I'm looking for a new assistant, and I was hoping you might know somebody who wanted the job." The lawyer responded, with more than a hint of condescension, "I'm a lawyer. Who would I know who would want to work as a plumber?" The plumber shrugged, and handed the lawyer his bill.

    A couple of minutes later, when the plumber returned from his truck, found the lawyer, dressed in the hat and overalls. "I had a chance to look over your bill while you were out," the lawyer said. "You found yourself an assistant."

    ----------

    The two partners from a small law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them looked alarmed.

    He announced, "I have to go back to the office right away! I forgot to lock the safe!"

    "What are you worried about?" asked the other. "We're both here."

    -----------

    Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in, waving guns and yelling for everyone to freeze.

    While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables.

    While this is going on, one of the lawyers jams something into the other lawyer's hand. Without looking down, the second lawyer whispers, "What is this?"

    The first lawyer replies, "it's the $100 I owe you."

    -----------

    A blonde and a lawyer found themselves sitting next to each other on a plane.

    The lawyer asked the blonde to play a game. If he asked her a question that she didn't know the answer to, she would have to pay him five dollars; And every time she asked the lawyer a question that he didn't know the answer to, the lawyer had to pay the blonde fifty dollars.

    The lawyer asked the blonde his first question, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

    Without a word the blonde paid the lawyer five dollars.

    The blonde then asked him, "What goes up a hill with four legs and down a hill with three?"

    The lawyer thought about it for a long time, but finally gave up. He handed the blonde a $50 bill, and asked her what the answer was.

    Without saying a word the blonde gave the lawyer five dollars.
     

Share This Page

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.