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Lawyer Jokes Set 12

Discussion in 'Lawyer Jokes, Stories' started by jon_, Aug 20, 2006.

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  1. jon_

    jon_ Law Topic Starter New Member

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    "Everybody in my family follows the medical profession. They're all lawyers."

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    The outlook for the New Jersey economy is so bad that the mob just laid off 3 judges.

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    The trouble with the legal profession is that 98% of its members give the rest a bad name.

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    How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a picture?

    Just say "Fees!"

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    Why are lawyers so good at racketball?

    Because they stoop so low.

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    Why do lawyers get paid so much?

    I'll tell you as soon as I finish billing you for the punch line.

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    Changing lawyers in the middle of a case is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titantic.

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    It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer walking down the street with his hands in his own pockets.

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    Four out of five doctors say that if they were stranded on a deserted island with no lawyers, they wouldn't need any Tylenol.

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    Q. How does an attorney sleep?

    A. First he lies on one side, and then on the other.

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    A town too small to support one lawyer can always support two.

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    What is the ideal weight for a lawyer?

    Ten pounds - but that includes the urn.
    What would happen if you lock a zombie in a room full of lawyers?

    He would starve to death.

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    What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50?

    Senator.

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    What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

    "Your honor."

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    What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

    The caterer.

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    What does it mean when a lawyer tells his clients he has a sliding fee schedule?

    It means that after you pay his bill, it's financially hard to get back on your feet.

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    If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
     

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