jon_
New Member
"Everybody in my family follows the medical profession. They're all lawyers."
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The outlook for the New Jersey economy is so bad that the mob just laid off 3 judges.
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The trouble with the legal profession is that 98% of its members give the rest a bad name.
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How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a picture?
Just say "Fees!"
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Why are lawyers so good at racketball?
Because they stoop so low.
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Why do lawyers get paid so much?
I'll tell you as soon as I finish billing you for the punch line.
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Changing lawyers in the middle of a case is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titantic.
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It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer walking down the street with his hands in his own pockets.
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Four out of five doctors say that if they were stranded on a deserted island with no lawyers, they wouldn't need any Tylenol.
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Q. How does an attorney sleep?
A. First he lies on one side, and then on the other.
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A town too small to support one lawyer can always support two.
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What is the ideal weight for a lawyer?
Ten pounds - but that includes the urn.
What would happen if you lock a zombie in a room full of lawyers?
He would starve to death.
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What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50?
Senator.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
"Your honor."
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.
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What does it mean when a lawyer tells his clients he has a sliding fee schedule?
It means that after you pay his bill, it's financially hard to get back on your feet.
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If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
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The outlook for the New Jersey economy is so bad that the mob just laid off 3 judges.
----------
The trouble with the legal profession is that 98% of its members give the rest a bad name.
----------
How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a picture?
Just say "Fees!"
----------
Why are lawyers so good at racketball?
Because they stoop so low.
----------
Why do lawyers get paid so much?
I'll tell you as soon as I finish billing you for the punch line.
----------
Changing lawyers in the middle of a case is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titantic.
----------
It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer walking down the street with his hands in his own pockets.
----------
Four out of five doctors say that if they were stranded on a deserted island with no lawyers, they wouldn't need any Tylenol.
----------
Q. How does an attorney sleep?
A. First he lies on one side, and then on the other.
----------
A town too small to support one lawyer can always support two.
----------
What is the ideal weight for a lawyer?
Ten pounds - but that includes the urn.
What would happen if you lock a zombie in a room full of lawyers?
He would starve to death.
----------
What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50?
Senator.
----------
What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
"Your honor."
----------
What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.
----------
What does it mean when a lawyer tells his clients he has a sliding fee schedule?
It means that after you pay his bill, it's financially hard to get back on your feet.
----------
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
