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Lawyer Jokes Set 11

Discussion in 'Lawyer Jokes, Stories' started by jon_, Aug 20, 2006.

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  1. jon_

    jon_ Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Have you heard about the lawyers' word processor?

    No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.


    Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?

    You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you'd been there eight hours.


    Did you hear about the group of terrorists that hijacked a plane full of lawyers?

    They called down to ground control with their list of demands, threatening that if their demands weren't met, they would release one lawyer every hour.


    "I hear you lost your court case. Did your lawyer give you bad advice?"

    "No. He charged me for it."


    There are two kinds of lawyers -- those who know the law and those who know the judge.


    Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig is at home in the mud.


    Lawyers and computers have both been proliferating since 1970.

    Unfortunately, lawyers, unlike computers, have not gotten twice as efficient and half as expensive every 18 months.


    How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

    His lips are moving.


    Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?

    The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.


    One juror overheard saying to another..."You'll notice that neither the prosecutor or defense attorney swore to tell the truth!"


    If you see a lawyer on bicycle, why should you swerve to avoid hitting him?

    That might be your bicycle.


    How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?

    Depends on how thin you slice them.


    How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

    Answer #1: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time sheets, two to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

    Answer #2: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb... to his.

    Answer #3: How many can you afford?

    Answer #4: Heck, you need 250 just to apply for the research grant.

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