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Lawyer Jokes Set 11

Discussion in 'Lawyer Jokes, Stories' started by jon_, Aug 20, 2006.

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  1. jon_

    jon_ Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Have you heard about the lawyers' word processor?

    No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.


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    Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?

    You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you'd been there eight hours.


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    Did you hear about the group of terrorists that hijacked a plane full of lawyers?

    They called down to ground control with their list of demands, threatening that if their demands weren't met, they would release one lawyer every hour.

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    "I hear you lost your court case. Did your lawyer give you bad advice?"

    "No. He charged me for it."

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    There are two kinds of lawyers -- those who know the law and those who know the judge.

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    Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig is at home in the mud.

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    Lawyers and computers have both been proliferating since 1970.

    Unfortunately, lawyers, unlike computers, have not gotten twice as efficient and half as expensive every 18 months.

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    How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

    His lips are moving.

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    Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?

    The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

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    One juror overheard saying to another..."You'll notice that neither the prosecutor or defense attorney swore to tell the truth!"

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    If you see a lawyer on bicycle, why should you swerve to avoid hitting him?

    That might be your bicycle.

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    How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?

    Depends on how thin you slice them.

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    How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

    Answer #1: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time sheets, two to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

    Answer #2: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb... to his.

    Answer #3: How many can you afford?

    Answer #4: Heck, you need 250 just to apply for the research grant.
     

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