TigerLily1
New Member
This story is a long one and complicated a bit, but I don't think the situation would be quite so clear without it, so, I hope this doesn't discourage anyone from helping with advice.
It all starts with my fiancee's father and when he had a terrible accident. He was a house painter and fell several stories off a ladder and hurt his head. He was in a coma and suffered some brain injuries, but he did make a recovery and was expected to continue on that way IF he went back to get his skull cap put back in (they had to remove it for surgery). He has a terrible fear of hospitals, so he refused despite begging and pleading from his wife. And she could not force him to because not only is he stubborn, but he wasn't declared disabled in any way and was therefore able to make his own decisions.
Well, it got worse. And now his motor skills are deteriorating, his speech is slurred, his memory is getting worse.
But that's not all that's bad. He's living on his own. Has been since his wife divorced him about 5 years ago (4 years after the accident). He hasn't been employed for a while and just lives off food stamps and a meek government check. He isn't legally declared disabled yet - it's still in court on an appeal. And he can't collect on social security because he's in his early 50s. Also, my fiancee's father was self-employed. So, there's no one to foot the bill for work-related injuries but himself.
His mother and sister have been somewhat taking care of him, since they live nearby. But my fiancee's father doesn't have a good relationship with his mother and he yells at her a lot in his anger, and his sister...well, she's been doing a lot but she's going to be going back to work soon and won't be able to take care of him.
Actually, they've been bothering my fiancee and his sister to take care of their father for a long time now. The problem is, my fiancee and I are only 21 - we're not done with school yet and are struggling to pay for it ourselves and we live in an apartment with roommates - and his sister is 25 and is barely getting by herself. Both my fiancee and I and his sister live in different states, too, from their father. That's just how it happened when they went to college.
Point is, we haven't offered to take care of my fiancee's father because neither of us have the means to yet, financially. My fiancee's relatives have written us emails saying we need to pay for him to go to a nursing home or that we need to have him come live with us, but neither my fiancee or his sister has the money to put him somewhere. And, speaking for my fiancee and I, we don't have a place to house him if he were to come live with us. We're sharing an apartment. And his sister can't afford to take care of him - she's working full-time to make ends meet.
Not only that, but their father has problems. He has terrible anger management issues (he's always had them) and he's had a tendency to steal things. I've heard him yell at his kids and swear at them. My fiancee's relatives act like once my fiancee and his sister take care of him that it makes everything all better. That he'll just behave. But he doesn't.
In fact, he used to abuse them. Not physically, but mentally. His two kids were athletes and he would sort of live his life through them. If they didn't do as good during an event, he would yell at them and threaten them. And sometimes he'd threaten their rivals or teammates. He's been arrested for battery. He's also endangered the lives of his wife and children several times by getting into fights, road rage while they're in the car, and numerous other things. He gets jealous of his neighbors and picks fights with them and have caused his family to be evicted several times.
His relatives often threaten us (my fiancee's sister, especially), saying that California State Law (my fiancee's family lives there) requires adult children of invalid parents are required to take care of them.
I've never heard of this law, but then again, I'm not familiar with California law. I want to protect my fiancee and his sister should they ever attempt to bring them to court and force them over there. Is there any clause or something that would get them out of taking care of their dad when they are unable, financially, to do so? They're father has not supported them financially after the divorce (the divorce happened when my fiancee was 16 and his sister was 20). He has never given them anything - in fact, they've given him money when he's spent it all.
It's not like my fiancee and his sister don't want to help at all. We've expressed to the family that we'd love to once we're financially stable. None of us can even afford a plane ticket to see him, right now. My fiancee's sister just finished college and, again, my fiancee and I aren't quite through yet. Despite all he's done, my fiancee and his sister still love him and feel bad for the position he's in...but what can they do? If they did all that was asked of them, we'd all actually be in a worse position than we are now.
EDIT: I do want to note that I don't actually think that the family will take my fiancee and his sister to court. I just want to become more knowledgable about this law they bring up and know what rights we have.
It all starts with my fiancee's father and when he had a terrible accident. He was a house painter and fell several stories off a ladder and hurt his head. He was in a coma and suffered some brain injuries, but he did make a recovery and was expected to continue on that way IF he went back to get his skull cap put back in (they had to remove it for surgery). He has a terrible fear of hospitals, so he refused despite begging and pleading from his wife. And she could not force him to because not only is he stubborn, but he wasn't declared disabled in any way and was therefore able to make his own decisions.
Well, it got worse. And now his motor skills are deteriorating, his speech is slurred, his memory is getting worse.
But that's not all that's bad. He's living on his own. Has been since his wife divorced him about 5 years ago (4 years after the accident). He hasn't been employed for a while and just lives off food stamps and a meek government check. He isn't legally declared disabled yet - it's still in court on an appeal. And he can't collect on social security because he's in his early 50s. Also, my fiancee's father was self-employed. So, there's no one to foot the bill for work-related injuries but himself.
His mother and sister have been somewhat taking care of him, since they live nearby. But my fiancee's father doesn't have a good relationship with his mother and he yells at her a lot in his anger, and his sister...well, she's been doing a lot but she's going to be going back to work soon and won't be able to take care of him.
Actually, they've been bothering my fiancee and his sister to take care of their father for a long time now. The problem is, my fiancee and I are only 21 - we're not done with school yet and are struggling to pay for it ourselves and we live in an apartment with roommates - and his sister is 25 and is barely getting by herself. Both my fiancee and I and his sister live in different states, too, from their father. That's just how it happened when they went to college.
Point is, we haven't offered to take care of my fiancee's father because neither of us have the means to yet, financially. My fiancee's relatives have written us emails saying we need to pay for him to go to a nursing home or that we need to have him come live with us, but neither my fiancee or his sister has the money to put him somewhere. And, speaking for my fiancee and I, we don't have a place to house him if he were to come live with us. We're sharing an apartment. And his sister can't afford to take care of him - she's working full-time to make ends meet.
Not only that, but their father has problems. He has terrible anger management issues (he's always had them) and he's had a tendency to steal things. I've heard him yell at his kids and swear at them. My fiancee's relatives act like once my fiancee and his sister take care of him that it makes everything all better. That he'll just behave. But he doesn't.
In fact, he used to abuse them. Not physically, but mentally. His two kids were athletes and he would sort of live his life through them. If they didn't do as good during an event, he would yell at them and threaten them. And sometimes he'd threaten their rivals or teammates. He's been arrested for battery. He's also endangered the lives of his wife and children several times by getting into fights, road rage while they're in the car, and numerous other things. He gets jealous of his neighbors and picks fights with them and have caused his family to be evicted several times.
His relatives often threaten us (my fiancee's sister, especially), saying that California State Law (my fiancee's family lives there) requires adult children of invalid parents are required to take care of them.
I've never heard of this law, but then again, I'm not familiar with California law. I want to protect my fiancee and his sister should they ever attempt to bring them to court and force them over there. Is there any clause or something that would get them out of taking care of their dad when they are unable, financially, to do so? They're father has not supported them financially after the divorce (the divorce happened when my fiancee was 16 and his sister was 20). He has never given them anything - in fact, they've given him money when he's spent it all.
It's not like my fiancee and his sister don't want to help at all. We've expressed to the family that we'd love to once we're financially stable. None of us can even afford a plane ticket to see him, right now. My fiancee's sister just finished college and, again, my fiancee and I aren't quite through yet. Despite all he's done, my fiancee and his sister still love him and feel bad for the position he's in...but what can they do? If they did all that was asked of them, we'd all actually be in a worse position than we are now.
EDIT: I do want to note that I don't actually think that the family will take my fiancee and his sister to court. I just want to become more knowledgable about this law they bring up and know what rights we have.
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