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Why did Trump marry an immigrant? Because immigrants do the jobs that Americans won't do.

Breaking news: The government has been raiding farms that have been experimenting by combining human DNA with lettuce DNA. They have been finding all kinds of human romaines.

In preparation for the growing catspiracy I am recruiting and arming dogs. We shall not go silently into that long goodnight.

TC is not alone in raising the alarm about the coming catpocalypse. It's alarming how many photos there are on Reddit of cats with guns. Just a sample.

Adversity of any kind should be met with a dash of humor. It's a survival instinct.

There's a forum on Reddit where those who have dyslexia tell jokes. Here are some: The agnostic dyslexic doesn't know if he believes in Dog. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. A dyslexic woman went to the YMCA thinking it was Macys. A dyslexic father has a son who uses a...

No, not a condition. The way it reads - sentence has already been imposed. "If" gives the court the discretion to make the probation or suspension longer if the judge decides that it's necessary.

This will cheer you up: A westbound wagon train was lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen for days, when finally they saw an old Jewish man sitting beneath a tree. The leader rushed to him and said, "We're lost and running out of food. Is there someplace ahead where we can get...

Did Dyslexia leave a security deposit?

The remakes were nowhere near as good as the originals. 3:10 to Yuma - 1957 - Glenn Ford and Van Heflin - Theme sung by Frankie Laine. Magnificent 7 - 1960 - Yul Brynner, Steve McQueen, Eli Wallach, Charles Bronson, Robert Vaughn, James Coburn, Horst Bucholz, Brad Dexter. PS. Blue, who is...

Dogs can't use an MRI machine. Cats can. What do you do when you are addicted to seaweed? See kelp. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. How do you take a band-aid off a frog? Just ribbit. A potato got rich and famous posting videos. He's a YouTuber. I bought a dog from a blacksmith...

As far as I know but I'm not a tax pro. Best to have a chat with one.

This cracked me up. A neighborhood kid was looking for ways to earn money. He knocked on the door of one house, and when the man answered the boy asked, "Hey mister, got any odd jobs I can do?" The man indeed had a job for the boy to do. He handed the boy a can of red paint and a brush. "Paint...

One time these two cowboys rode up and spotted an American Indian, in the middle of the prairie. "looks like he's got his ear to the ground," says the first one. "Hang on," says the other. "He's listening." So the two got down, left their horses, and crept closer, as quiet as they could. When...

Yes, the title company knows how to do it. These days it's all docu-sign anyway.

In June you wrote that the property is "about to be sold." That's 7 months ago. What is the status of the sale now? On the market? Any offers? In contract? In escrow? Approaching close of escrow? What do the trust documents say about potentially selling the property? A revocable living trust...

There's a new car made in Switzerland. It won't shift out of neutral. What do you call a can opener that's broken? A can't opener. Two inert gases walk into a bar. Nobody reacts. How much money does a quantum mechanic make? He doesn't know until he observes his paycheck. Where do teachers go...

Lumber jack keeps taking chainsaws back to the hardware store asking for progressively more powerful models because they're taking to long to cut down trees. After he returns the most powerful model the salesman says :"let me see that" and revs it up. The lumberjack says:"WTF is that noise?".

People on Reddit are posting ghastly photos of snow covering streets and cars. My sisters in NYC are snowed in. It's sunny in Phoenix. It'll be 60 degrees here by Noon. Not a snowflake in sight.

Pretty awful. I don't miss it.