Would like sole custody

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abbyloo

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I am a 22 year old single mother with a 21 month old boy. His father and I were never married, but were engaged and lived together from the time I was 5 months pregnant until our son was 12 months old. We lived at his house to which he owned and I did not have to pay rent. I sold my car that was paid off completely by myself to put as the down payment for the new car he bought under his name. Although my name was never on the vehicle, I DID pay the down payment and was the primary driver of. We split in September 2009 because he said he was not happy anymore and I agreed that I was not either. We agreed that he would pay me child support and that we would share time with our son, but that he would live with me. The father agreed. I allowed him to take our son and he even spent the night with him once, but after a month and a half apart, the father's mother told me he had been seeing an aquaintance of mine and had for some time. In fact, I found out he'd been seeing her since before the split. Of course I was angry with that situation, but I was infuriated because this woman had tried to kill herself multiple times that year and was even kept in the hospital in the psych ward! I tried to confront the father about this and he immediately started defending the both of them. He said it was none of my business who he saw and who he brought his son around. I'm sorry but I believe it IS my business! He was only 13 months old at the time and had just barely started walking! How could I trust a girl to help take care of my child when she could barely take care of herself? Did I mention that by a month and half after our split, he was already engaged to her and had moved her into his house? She was already calling my son her step-son! I immediately seeked the advice of a lawyer and looked online for hours each day. After I found out all this information, his father refused to see the child if I was around and then just completely stopped trying at all. He let his mother do all the asking. I tried very hard to be the mature adult in the situation and allowed my son to go to his grandparent's house so that the father could go see him, but he rarely showed up. Maybe once a month. The father didn't even spend Christmas with him. No gifts- wasn't even in the state! He never called to try to talk to his son and refused to pay child support. When we split, I took the vehicle we had bought and he continued to pay the insurance and payment, but refused to pay anything else. On January 5th, 2010 he said he wanted the car back by midnight or he'd call the cops and report it stolen. I had to take it back and then had no way of going to work or getting my son to his dr's appointment the next day. I was not able to get a vehicle until April of 2010. The father again rarely ever saw his son. HE never asked to see his child. He left that up to his mother and I quit responding to that. I needed his father to help me out. The father started paying child support in January but to this day is one month behind. When he and his fiance broke up, he decided he would try to make things work with me "for our son's sake" and I asked him to go to counseling with me. He went one time and started coming around everyday. After a little over a month, the ex fiance got ahold of him and said she wanted him back. He TEXTED me right then and told me he just couldn't be happy with me. He never asked to see his son after that until just the other day. Two days after he sent me that text message, I found out I was pregnant. I tried to tell him, but all he told me to do was get an abortion or put it up for adoption. He said he didn't want anything to do with me and wanted a DNA test on the child we already had together. The results proved he was the father and I decided to have the operation so that he could not put another child through the emotional abuse and neglect he had done to our son.
I'm telling you it is a very emotional story to tell you and I am crying as I am typing this. I tried to get his father to help me make a schedule so that he can see his son a few times a week, but he refused. I have invited him to see his son on multiple occaisions, but he never shows up. I even called him crying asking him to buy his son shoes because he had none that fit him but the father told me no because he was headed to the airport to go see his fiance in minnesota. El Paso, TX to Minnesota. There's the child support. That ticket cost over $500. My mother had to pay for my son's diapers, wipes, and shoes. I was not making any money because my work refused to let me work until I got a dr's release from the operation. I was broke and still am. My mother helped me hire a lawyer in December, but he is not fully behind my case by the looks of it. I want full custody of my son. I have tried, given, and bled for this parental relationship to work and all I get is called names, laughed at, and harrassed by my son's father and his fiance. I even had to change my phone number at the beginning of May because I was being harrassed by them at my work. I invited my son's father to his swimming lessons for the past two weeks and he showed up only 5 of the days. I invited him to spend father's day (today) with his son, but he said he does not want to see me at all and that I should just let him have his son for a few days. I do not trust him or his fiance and I will not let him take my son when all he does is hurt him over and over again and put him around people who are not mentally stable. His house is falling apart, his health is horrible because he cannot take care of himself. I need help. I want sole custody of my child. I want nothing to do with my ex. He wants nothing to do with his child but refuses to sign away his rights. What can I do?
 
What, exactly, do you want?

Your posting is riddled with either wanting the father of this child to man up and see his son or deciding to hold him back from seeing him because you don't like the new girlfriend.

Quite frankly, you don't sound so mentally stable yourself; in back to back sentences you state you invite him to his sons swimming lessons (and he shows up 5 days out of 14) and in the next sentence you state you will not let him have his son when all he does is hurt him over and over again.

You can't have it both ways; if this man has legally been determined to be the father of this child, he has the right to see his son. He also has the right not to see his son the number of times a week you think is appropriate.

Child support payments are not supposed to be the sole support of a child. You are expected to also provide financially for this child. If the man were to agree to give up his rights he would no longer be required to provide child support.

Gail
 


If the "alleged" father has never been administered a DNA test (and a judicial finding rendered that he is the child's father), he remains nothing more than a legal stranger to YOUR child.

If the male's paternity has not been legally established, the man has no right's to sign away.

You have some serious soul searching that must be done.

And, even after you do YOUR soul searching, the "legal stranger" (that you call the baby's father), might move to assert his legal rights.

From what you've posted about him, I doubt it.

However, this man could have certain legal rights.

He does have the right (eventually) to seek a DNA test to establish his paternity.

If he does eventually establish his paternity, insofar as your child is concerned, expect many changes in your life.

Until paternity has been established (before a court of law), this legal stranger is not required to pay any child support.

And, if I were making any decisions about MY child, I wouldn't allow a LEGAL STRANGER to see my child.

I would never allow my child to spend any time with that legal stranger, either.

I hope things get better for all of you.

Every child deserves two good parents in her/his life.

Sadly, that never happens for some children.

I hope that it can happen for your baby.

Until that happens, just keep being the best mommy that you know how to be.


 
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