What can we do?

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sdogg19

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My girlfriend was just served with an Emergency Protective Order on her two kids, ages 4 and 1. Then 10 days later she was served with a restraining order by her soon to be ex husband, restraining her from contact with him and her two kids. There are claims of domestic violence on her towards him dating back to 2006 and none of them have a police report to go with them. All of them are also either false or so badly altered they became something else entirely. Then there are the reports of child abuse on her 1 year old son. She asked the father to come pick him up early on his visitation day to take the child to urgent care because of a fever he had since the previous day. Right before he left with the kid he sent my girlfriend a text message saying, "if you ever threaten to keep my kids away from me, you'll fucking regret it. Bitch." Hours later she was served with the first set of papers. The main question here is what she should and can do to avoid legal troubles, and what she should and can do to prove that not only are the claims against her false but to prove that the ex husband is the one responsible for the child's injuries?
 
the only claim that I know to be completely false is the one about the child. I was present when he was picked up by the father and there wasn't a mark on him. Right before the ex left with the kids, he sent my gf a text telling her, "if you ever threaten to keep my kids away from me again, you'll fucking regret it. Bitch." then hours later her first set of papers were served to her. Telling her that the child had bruises on both sides of his face.
 
He left without a mark on him, and 4 hours later all of a sudden there are bruises appearing on his face and getting more distinguished by the minute. A medical professional also determined that the marks looked intentional and that it couldn't have been from falling. What is there to be done if we cannot afford an attorney? Are there attorneys that would take payments or something along those lines?
 
sdogg19 said:
He left without a mark on him, and 4 hours later all of a sudden there are bruises appearing on his face and getting more distinguished by the minute. A medical professional also determined that the marks looked intentional and that it couldn't have been from falling. What is there to be done if we cannot afford an attorney? Are there attorneys that would take payments or something along those lines?
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Many Attorneys offer free consultations she can discuss payments during that meeting
 
sdogg19 said:
He left without a mark on him, and 4 hours later all of a sudden there are bruises appearing on his face and getting more distinguished by the minute. A medical professional also determined that the marks looked intentional and that it couldn't have been from falling. What is there to be done if we cannot afford an attorney? Are there attorneys that would take payments or something along those lines?
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If I were YOU, I'd stay out of this.

In fact, you have no say in any of her domestic troubles.

But, YOU could be a target for the VIOLENCE or ABUSE allegedly perpetrated on the child!

Why?

If she didn't harm her child, and if the dad didn't harm the child, who could have harmed the child?

That's the way this game is played.

And, in many cases, the live in boyfriend (I guess that's the role you play); is a likely suspect.

So, stay under the radar.

Stay out of her problems, because the cops may be coming to have a chat with you.

As far as mom is concerned, orders of protection don't get issued "just because" someone asked for one.

No, sir.

Orders of protection are issued with PROOF.

Again, stay out of this.

As "jacksgal" advised, there is no WE in this, YET!!!!!

If the cops do come a calling, politely decline to discuss any of this with them.

You have the right to remain silent and the right to have an attorney.

Talking to the cops never helps a target.

Do I need to remind you of OJ and others?

If you are arrested, remain calm, be polite, and ask for a lawyer.

You should only provide your name, date of birth, address, and if you have any medical problems.

After you've done that, ask for a lawyer, and STFU!
 
thank you both for replying i do appreciate it. I'll relay the information along to my gf. Have a great night
 
sdogg19 said:
then hours later her first set of papers were served to her. Telling her that the child had bruises on both sides of his face.
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It would take a really proactive county with an aggressive TRO support staff an entire day to prepare and then hunt down a judge to sign TRO papers. Serving them would be another issue, and unless done immediately by friends of the protected party, could take days.

I suspect that the paperwork was in motion prior to the day of service. But, that's of no great consequence.

Your girlfriend would be best served by an attorney. It will be up to the plaintiff (the ex) to show by a preponderance of the evidence that your girlfriend is a danger to him and/or the kids. This may not be all that easy to do. But, she should be prepared to counter the arguments outlined in his affidavit (which, I assume, she has a copy of by now).

As mentioned, you have no legal standing in any of this and, statistically speaking, you are more of a threat to the kids than either one of them are. So, you could find yourself sucked into this by being accused as an abusive boyfriend. Be careful.
 
now that I know that statistically, I'm a bigger threat than either of the parents, should I be looking for an attorney now just in case? And after the intense argument between her and I the night before the first papers were served, I left for the night and didn't come back until I was asked to by the ex in order to let him in the house to get the kids. Does any of that matter? And one more think I have questions about, there is a strong chance that the baby boy is biologically mine, although only the mother and I know of this. Would a paternity test do any good for me getting the boy back or would it only hurt the case somehow?
 
Don't rock the boat. Sit back as far in the corner as you can. Wait and see if there is fallout. I suggest you grab a hairbrush sample with mom's permission and determine paternity unofficially ASAP, in case it does hit the fan.
 
Mom's permission I have. The problem is that dad has the kids and will not let me see them until after court is done. And mom has a restraining order on her until after court. The only thing I can think of is my mom (unofficial grandma) who has permission from dad to see the kids.
 
sdogg19 said:
now that I know that statistically, I'm a bigger threat than either of the parents, should I be looking for an attorney now just in case?
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I never said you're a BIGGER threat, dude.

I said, if mom is cleared, and dad is cleared, who do you think the cops would look at, as far as having access to harm the child? Yep, you guessed, it. :yes: YOU!!!!

You're not a threat, even if you did harm the kid.

You're a target.

You're the one the cops MIGHT come calling to lock up in the hoosegow! Maybe. :dunno:





sdogg19 said:
And after the intense argument between her and I the night before the first papers were served, I left for the night and didn't come back until I was asked to by the ex in order to let him in the house to get the kids. Does any of that matter?
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See, that's what I'm saying, dude.

Don't feel bad, just think.

You don't need to say or explain a thing, not one thing.

Even if I were your lawyer, I would NOT want to, need to, or even ask you about any of that.

Why?

I could bore you and everyone with a long explanation, but suffice it to say, that is not how this game is played.

But, you already know that, dude.

You need not play dumb with me.

This isn't your first rodeo, is it?

Remember what I said above, clam up.

Just because someone asks you a question, doesn't mean you are required to answer it.

This is all you need to know: name, address, date of birth, medical problems, and "Please, may I speak with a lawyer?"

They'll try a couple more times, maybe, and you just keep repeating what I typed above.

You have a right NOT to incriminate yourself, the right to speak to a lawyer, and the right to remain silent!


sdogg19 said:
And one more think I have questions about, there is a strong chance that the baby boy is biologically mine, although only the mother and I know of this. Would a paternity test do any good for me getting the boy back or would it only hurt the case somehow?
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WOW, do you really want to open that can of worms?

What good is that going to do for any of you?

The time to do the right thing, was when you knew of the truth, or suspected the truth.

The best thing you can do for yourself, the kid, the chick, and the other dude; is get as far away from these people as you can.

Why would you want to live in constant turmoil, violence, with the police knocking on your door, standing before a judge, sitting in a filthy jail cell, eating crappy jail food, losing your freedom, etc...??? :confused:

Think about all of this and more.

Is this how you want your life to be forevermore?

Get out now, just go, if there are no restrictions on your movements.

Go get your own place, move in with mom (or dad), stay with a friend (until you can do better); but get outta there.

This can only end poorly for one or more of you!

And, get yourself some anger management counseling.

Ask around, there are free classes for people with anger issues.

Dude, life can be great.

No one has to live like this, not even you!

You're better than this, everyone is better than this.

Fix it, today is a great day to change the script.

Get your life back and be what you've always wanted to be.
 
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I understand what you're saying army judge, and I have wanted to find out for sure if the boy is mine since the mom was about 5 months pregnant. I made her a deal that I would wait no more than two years for her to find the right situation to address the question herself before I went ahead and did it. I want a chance to have my son (if he is biologically mine) my question was if it would further hurt her chances of winning what has already begun, or if it would help out?
 
Oh jeez.

You need an attorney. Even if the child is yours biologically, obviously her husband is the presumed father. You'll need an attorney to sort out this mess.

And I hate to say this - but are you honestly sure you want to be part of this? She has a LOT of baggage - and she's still married.

You know what they say. What they'll do with you, they'll do to you. She's hasn't finished one relationship, and she's rushed into another.
 
I'm not sure want to be a part of all this drama, but I am a part of it. I can't leave her in the

middle of the biggest and hardest problems she has ever faced by herself. I love her. And

I'm the reason she is getting out of her marriage to begin with. I hate to say it (because it

might be the single most messed up thing morally just about anyone is capable of) but I was

actually the best man in her marriage. And yes the husband is the presumed father of the

child and he is also the father on the birth certificate. If the general advice that I get is to

wait until all of this blows over then that's what I'm going to do, but if it's do something now,

that's what I'm going to do. It's just extremely fishy to me that right before all of this

started he sent her that threatening text, and the day after all of this began is when they

had their first court date about child support (that she didn't attend because of our moving

and mail going to a different address) and the ex was there, all smiles, able to say that he

didn't think he should pay child support because as of the day before he had the children

100% of the time and the mom actually was served with restraining orders from all of them....

too many coincidences in a row for me
 
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No one told you not to love her. No one told you to end relationship. What they told you and is sound advice is (for now) you need to distance between you and this child for all the reasons previously stated. If things go south not only could you be in serious legal trouble the end result might also end your relationship you treasure so much. Time to put your big boy pants on and do whats right for now

P.S. The opinion expresed does not belong to jacksgal (she is out of town) but her husband
 
Thank you for clearing that up. I honestly (and embarrassingly) was getting a different impression about the advice given.
 
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