This Happened While Monitoring My Smartphone That I Gave My 8yr old To Use

[Djl808]

Jurisdiction

Hawaii

Aloha, I have a step-son who on his 8th Bday my wife (**his biological mother) got him a smartphone. As we have done with our 2 oldest children my wife installed a parental monitoring app the child's device. The device is in his mother's name and she pays the bill.

A little back history:

When my wife and the biological father went to family court close to 7 years ago it was ordered that my wife was the primary custodial parent and father non-custodial....50/50 but the child would reside with us. My wife has always tried to be civil with the father and not put any hardships on the boys father. The verbal arrangement between them is:

The child will live with the mom primarily.
The father can have the boy holidays and summertime otherwise resides with mom during school year.
Father pays no child support.
And they rotate claiming child on taxes every year.


This past summer the boy asked if he could stay for this school year

Hesitant, my wife asked him some questions and ultimately for the sake trying to work together with the father and trying to accommodate the child request she allowed it. On his 8th Bday in Oct 2017 my wife bought another phone to have sent to him so they would have ease of access to each other and his siblings. Before the phone was sent my wife installed the app we currently use for our other kids for parental monitoring and the phone was sent.

During the past 5 months my wife would check up on the boy and his activities but noticed something unexpected....the boys stepmom was going on his phone and changing settings, deleting photos of our family,

 

[adjusterjack]

....the boys stepmom was going on his phone and changing settings, deleting photos of our family,

There's nothing actionable about that.

What else do you want to know?

 

[mightymoose]

No legal issue here. Dont send the phone if you don't want adults handling it.

 

[Djl808]

,

Aloha, I have a step-son who on his 8th Bday my wife (**his biological mother) got him a smartphone. As we have done with our 2 oldest children my wife installed a parental monitoring app the child's device. The device is in his mother's name and she pays the bill.

A little back history:

When my wife and the biological father went to family court close to 7 years ago it was ordered that my wife was the primary custodial parent and father non-custodial....50/50 but the child would reside with us. My wife has always tried to be civil with the father and not put any hardships on the boys father. The verbal arrangement between them is:

The child will live with the mom primarily.
The father can have the boy holidays and summertime otherwise resides with mom during school year.
Father pays no child support.
And they rotate claiming child on taxes every year.


This past summer the boy asked if he could stay for this school year

Hesitant, my wife asked him some questions and ultimately for the sake trying to work together with the father and trying to accommodate the child request she allowed it. On his 8th Bday in Oct 2017 my wife bought another phone to have sent to him so they would have ease of access to each other and his siblings. Before the phone was sent my wife installed the app we currently use for our other kids for parental monitoring and the phone was sent.

During the past 5 months my wife would check up on the boy and his activities but noticed something unexpected....the boys stepmom was going on his phone and changing settings, deleting photos of our family,

I apologize, I don't know what happened to the rest of the post but there was more as well as my actual questions.

The stepmom is hiding his charger so he can't charge, hiding the actual phone then helping look for it then when she finds the phone she hid she scolds the boy or the father does, the dad or the boy put phone on charger, turn ringer up, and she comes rite behind and puts on silent and takes off charge. Isn't this basically interfering or limiting access to his mom? Rite before he comes she takes her phone and his and starts texting back n forth like they are actually having a real conversation. My wife has password protected the device and the stepmom calls the boy into a room away from everyone and makes the boy give her the pin. She allows her children to bully him and calls him names while she joins in and encourages this behavior by laughing at their jokes and taunts. She allows them to go on his phone. He told us during spring break he is scared of her and he knows he is staying there so he gives her the info she wants...he has nowhere to go. When he went home...she went as far as to erase her own text as well as the dads then asked the boy "why would ur mom erase our txt?" Then she went to the dad and he now she has manipulated the father into believing my wife is the one actually doing these things. She sits by his bedside and tells him explicitly that his mom is "fu@#ing with his head" and she puts a sinister emphasis on the curse words when she talks to the boy. Tells him his mom is a "whore" and allows her kids to call her that too as well as telling him she "doesn't love him or she wouldn't lock his phone." All while the father has no clue...

The main question is:
Is the legality of the monitoring of my wife's son with her phone that she pays for..specifically in regards to the adults that go on the phone and the conversations with the boy while he has his phone. Is this in any way an invasion of privacy in our part regarding the monitoring? And finally, if my wife wanted to fly over there and bring him home and keep him here and that means disrupting his schooling if she would have legal right to do so? Please help...sorry for such a long post just trying to give u as much info and detail to get the best answer. I know the privacy laws are tricky..thank you for any info provided. Very grateful!

Respectfully,
DjL

 

[army judge]

Is the legality of the monitoring of my wife's son with her phone that she pays for..specifically in regards to the adults that go on the phone and the conversations with the boy while he has his phone. Is this in any way an invasion of privacy in our part regarding the monitoring?

Any legal question or dispute can only be resolved by taking the matter to court.

A judge will decide the question(s).

Strangers on the internet, in a coffee shop, or even an attorney NOT serving as YOUR attorney cannot provide a definitive legal answer.

I suggest you suggest to your spouse to speak with an attorney if this situation, or series of incidents concerns her.

As I'm sure you know by now, as a person married to a woman who bore a child unrelated to you by genetics, you have no say in this matter. About all you can do is whisper in your spouse's ear, support her choices, or offer your opinion to her; if she chooses to listen.

Is this in any way an invasion of privacy in our part regarding the monitoring?

Probably NOT.

And finally, if my wife wanted to fly over there and bring him home and keep him here and that means disrupting his schooling if she would have legal right to do so?

Your spouse and the child's father must obey the EXISTING court order.

Without reading the court order (no need to post the court order, as I am NOT her attorney -although I am an attorney- nor do I read any court orders posted on this website), anything an internet stranger would tell you is nothing more than an opinion.

Such an opinion would have no force of law.

Bottom line, all parties named on any order of a court must obey the order, or risk sanctions by the court.

Custody orders can be changed, but until they are changed, the existing order must be obeyed.

 

[mightymoose]

If they wanted to they could confiscate the phone the moment the child arrives and not return until it is time to leave. Nothing you describe about the phone raises any legal issue.
Mom is allowed reasonable access, not access on demand. She and the child can make contact through the father.

 

[zddoodah]

it was ordered that my wife was the primary custodial parent and father non-custodial....50/50 but the child would reside with us.

Not that it matters much, but the notion of "50/50" is inconsistent with there being a "primary custodial parent" with whom the child resides.

The verbal arrangement between them is:

Verbal agreement or order of the family court?

On his 8th Bday in Oct 2017 my wife bought another phone to have sent to him

Another phone?

the boys stepmom was going on his phone and changing settings, deleting photos of our family,

So...???

Is this in any way an invasion of privacy in our part regarding the monitoring?

Our part? No. Your wife's part? Maybe. Depends on exactly what this "monitoring" entails and whether the child's father and his wife are aware that it's happening. It also matters where the father and his wife live (since it sounds like they might not also live in HI).

And finally, if my wife wanted to fly over there and bring him home and keep him here and that means disrupting his schooling if she would have legal right to do so?

Not sure where "over there" is, but the court order determines who has custody and where the child lives. However, given that your wife apparently agreed to a de facto change of custody and apparently has no legitimate reason for reneging on that agreement, I would imagine that, if she were to do this, she'd be baiting a court battle.

 

[Djl808]

If they wanted to they could confiscate the phone the moment the child arrives and not return until it is time to leave. Nothing you describe about the phone raises any legal issue.
Mom is allowed reasonable access, not access on demand. She and the child can make contact through the father.

The father doesnt want the mother contacting him...only in emergencies.

 

[Djl808]

Not that it matters much, but the notion of "50/50" is inconsistent with there being a "primary custodial parent" with whom the child resides.



Verbal agreement or order of the family court?



Another phone?



So...???



Our part? No. Your wife's part? Maybe. Depends on exactly what this "monitoring" entails and whether the child's father and his wife are aware that it's happening. It also matters where the father and his wife live (since it sounds like they might not also live in HI).



Not sure where "over there" is, but the court order determines who has custody and where the child lives. However, given that your wife apparently agreed to a de facto change of custody and apparently has no legitimate reason for reneging on that agreement, I would imagine that, if she were to do this, she'd be baiting a court battle.

He is still in hawaii just another island.

 

[Djl808]

He is still in hawaii just another island.

Another phone...reference to another phone on her account.

 

[Djl808]

He is still in hawaii just another island.

Yes 50/50 but my wife is the custodial parent meaning the child resides with her. Father is nom custodial. That is court order. Everything else is on them verbally.

 

[Djl808]

Any legal question or dispute can only be resolved by taking the matter to court.

A judge will decide the question(s).

Strangers on the internet, in a coffee shop, or even an attorney NOT serving as YOUR attorney cannot provide a definitive legal answer.

I suggest you suggest to your spouse to speak with an attorney if this situation, or series of incidents concerns her.

As I'm sure you know by now, as a person married to a woman who bore a child unrelated to you by genetics, you have no say in this matter. About all you can do is whisper in your spouse's ear, support her choices, or offer your opinion to her; if she chooses to listen.





Probably NOT.




Your spouse and the child's father must obey the EXISTING court order.

Without reading the court order (no need to post the court order, as I am NOT her attorney -although I am an attorney- nor do I read any court orders posted on this website), anything an internet stranger would tell you is nothing more than an opinion.

Such an opinion would have no force of law.

Bottom line, all parties named on any order of a court must obey the order, or risk sanctions by the court.

Custody orders can be changed, but until they are changed, the existing order must be obeyed.

Thank you

 

[army judge]

Everything else is on them verbally.

Any agreement reached between the custodial parent and the other parent are unenforceable under law.

If mom has custody Monday through Friday, but agrees with dad to let Junior visit dad every Wednesday, too, that is unenforceable under the custody agreement.

Which is why all parties should OBEY the order as written.

If one party wants a side deal, the other party should simply say, "Sorry, but you need to tell it to the judge and see if she will allow the change. Until the judge changes our existing order, I will only OBEY what the judge has mandated."

 

[ElleMD]

It is unwise to have these informal agreements which contradict the actual court order. If both parents agree with a change, it is not a complicated process to amend the order. If she wants to enforce the current order, she may do so, but showing up on her ex's doorstep demanding the child is not a good way to handle changes to his living arrangement.

As far as contact goes, what does the actual order say regarding communication with the non-custodial parent? Is there a reason your wife would need 24/7 access to the boy? Something like a smartphone (or any cell phone or expensive electronics) should be discussed between the biological parents ahead of time, or only used with the parent who has custody at the time. If your wife has reason to think the child is being mistreated, she needs to discuss it with her ex.

 

[mightymoose]

The father doesnt want the mother contacting him...only in emergencies.

That is completely normal.
If I were the parent in this case I would confiscate the phone the moment the child came into my custody. There is nothing mom can do about it. She can call the father if she has questions or concerns.