Support arrangement, how to make it legal

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kmmamma

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My ex and I have been separated for almost 2 years. We are in the process of a divorce. We have a custody arrangement for our 2 boys between the two of us that was never enforced in court. We live close together, so we've worked out a 50/50 arrangement that's been working well for the both of us. The boys use his address as their residence so that they can remain in the same school district they've grown up in. He's a good father and pretty much pays for whatever the boys need. He makes twice as much money as I do and is able to give the things to the boys that I can't. When I approach him about support, he becomes defensive and threatens to keep me from my children. He says that he takes care of his children and their needs, and if I can't then they shouldn't be with me. I don't even really care about the amount, I just want legal documentation that states what each of us is financially responsible for. I struggle to make it paycheck to paycheck and can't get any kind of assistance because I don't have a support order. When I try to get one, he threatens to take the children from me. He tells me that since the children RESIDE with him, he can ban me from taking them from his home. I can't afford a lawyer and just want this to stop. What are my options?
 
It sounds like he is the residential parent even though neither or you have a court order for custody. He does not have to pay support unless the courts tell him too. If you want child support you are going to have to file for it. I suggest you google the child support guidelines for your state and see if you canm find a child support calculator to see how much you might get if you file for custody and get it.

If he makes twice what you do..he should be paying you something. you can apply for food stamps. If you apply for welfare or aid they will make you file for child support and that amount will be based on state guidelines, not a lesser amount you 2 might be able to agree on. You probably qualify for food stamps, call your local office.
 
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Duranie said:
It sounds like he is the residential parent even though neither or you have a court order for custody. He does not have to pay support unless the courts tell him too. If you want child support you are going to have to file for it. I suggest you google the child support guidelines for your state and see if you canm find a child support calculator to see how much you might get if you file for custody and get it.

If he makes twice what you do..he should be paying you something. you can apply for food stamps. If you apply for welfare or aid they will make you file for child support and that amount will be based on state guidelines, not a lesser amount you 2 might be able to agree on. You probably qualify for food stamps, call your local office.
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Dad has a good shot in PA of claiming primary residential parent....and regardless of what he earns, Mom could end up being the one paying Dad child support.

Mom should proceed with extreme caution here.
 
I agree with Proserpina. You may very well end up paying child support to dad.

You absolutely need a lawyer, even if you can't afford one. Borrow from family, try to work out a payment plan, but do something.

I think, if you had a lawyer, you would already have a temporary custody order outlining your current custody arrangement. You may have been receiving spousal support during your separation. You may have been advised not to leave the marital home if you were previously the primary caregiver.

Unfortunately, that's water under the bridge now.

IMO, the most important thing now is to have your custody arrangement formalized in court. Even if dad is named the residential parent, the order will show your equal time with the children. The judge will be more likely to keep the status quo.

Please get a consult with a lawyer. Some offer a free initial consultation.
 
you can apply for food stamps. If you apply for welfare or aid they will make you file for child support and that amount will be based on state guidelines, not a lesser amount you 2 might be able to agree on. You probably qualify for food stamps, call your local office.
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That's the problem. Because I need an order for support to get food stamps, or any type of assistance. It doesn't matter now anyway, because I don't qualify. I'm just over the income limits in my state. He told me yesterday, that if I continue with the support hearing, that he would ban me from my children. He told me that since they reside with him, I have no legal right to them. He'll agree to put what he is willing to be financially responsible for in writing, which is essentially what I want, but I don't know how to go about making it a legal document with out going through a support hearing.

I am in the process of getting a lawyer.
 
kmmamma said:
That's the problem. Because I need an order for support to get food stamps, or any type of assistance. It doesn't matter now anyway, because I don't qualify. I'm just over the income limits in my state. He toldme yesterday, that if I continue with the support hearing, that he would ban me from my children. He told me that since they reside with him, I have no legal right to them. He'll agree to put what he is willing to be financially responsible for in writing, which is essentially what I want, but I don't know how to go about making it a legal document with out going through a support hearing.

I am in the process of getting a lawyer.
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Since you aren't divorced yet and there are no custody orders, the bolded part is BS. Legally, you have equal rights to the children until a court says otherwise.

HOWEVER, having no custody orders also makes it easier for him to keep you from the children.

IMO, you really, really NEED to have your custody arrangement formalized by the court before you do anything else.

If not, and you continue to seek support, he may file for custody, and since he IS the residential parent per school records, you could end up with every other weekend visitation, plus one evening during the week. Of course, that's worst case scenario, but it's possible.

I'm glad you're getting a lawyer. He/she will know if you have a chance of getting residential custody. Even if you can't, your lawyer will request that child support calculations should be offset by the time you have the children per your shared parenting time. Hopefully, your lawyer will also request spousal support since your incomes are so different.

Good luck to you!
 
We were together for 9 years, but married for 4 before we separated. Been separated for almost 2 years.
 
Then I do not see spousal support being awarded at all.

Specially since you've lived without it for two years already.
 
I'm not requesting spousal support from him. My only concern is that my children are cared for and that he can't come after me later. He's already threatened several times, pretty much every time we discuss anything that has to do with the kids, to take my children from me simply because he makes more money, and can provide better than I can. Which is true, but I didn't think the fact that he made more money was grounds for him to get custody of the kids. What I want is documentation stating what each of us is financially responsible for, based on verbal agreements we made when we separated. According to what I've read, I pretty much have to go through with a support hearing. I tried to explain that to my ex, but all he does is threaten me and tell me I'll never see the kids again if I pursue it. I realize that he more than likely won't have to pay anything because he does provide for them when they are with him and that he is considered the custodial parent, even though I have my children 186 days out of the year and am able to meet their basic needs when they are with me. But the children make it hard on me because I don't have the money to do the things their dad does with them. I try my best, but after the bills are paid, there isn't much left over. I hit a rough patch financially and that is the only reason I looked into getting assistance and started all this. I'll make it through. I always do.

Since it looks like I'm gonna have to go through with the support hearing, what recourse do I have if he tries to ban me from seeing the kids. I don't want to loose the custody arrangement we have in place.
 
You DO have status quo on your side and if Dad tries to mess with that it can seriously backfire on him.

What I do think you should do is get a court order for both custody and visitation, and child support.

Court orders protect all concerned :)
 
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