Stepmom needs advice

[mominneedofhelp]

I am a "Stepmom" and I have two stepchildren.
I have been married to their father for 10+ years. Their biological mother is dead, and they have always resided in my home.
What rights if any do I have to these children if something were to happen to my husband.

Ages of Children
Boy-13
Daughter-16

Is there away to adopt a step child if the step child does not want to be adopted by me even though I have been the only mother figure in their life for 10+ years. The reason for adoption would be so I would final decisions when it comes to education and medical problems, and because I have been their "mom" for 10 yrs and would like to make it official.

Should I not try for adoption since they are already in their teens?

Any replies would be greatly appreciated.

 

[mightymoose]

Adoption isn't even necessary. With their mother deceased, your marriage to their father gives you all you need.
It would not hurt for your husband to record his wishes in a will if he has not done so.

 

[mominneedofhelp]

Thank you again for your advise.

 

[army judge]

I am a "Stepmom" and I have two stepchildren.
I have been married to their father for 10+ years. Their biological mother is dead, and they have always resided in my home.
What rights if any do I have to these children if something were to happen to my husband.

Ages of Children
Boy-13
Daughter-16

Is there away to adopt a step child if the step child does not want to be adopted by me even though I have been the only mother figure in their life for 10+ years. The reason for adoption would be so I would final decisions when it comes to education and medical problems, and because I have been their "mom" for 10 yrs and would like to make it official.

Should I not try for adoption since they are already in their teens?

Any replies would be greatly appreciated.

As a stepmother, you have no rights, should their father predecease you.
You could petition for guardianship, but all other manner of blood relatives might contest that.
Should dad mention you in his will, he can't GIFT you human beings, even minors.

I suggest you just enjoy your life, and stop conjuring up legal scenarios that cause stress and worry.

You beloved husband isn't going to die in the next 5 to 6 years.

Those children will be 18 before you can contemplate it.

Just be a good wife and mother, and stop distinguishing yourself as a stepmother.

You seem pretty solid to me, so just love him and those two great kids, and they'll love you back.

 

[mominneedofhelp]

Thank You!

 

[Proserpina]

Adoption isn't even necessary. With their mother deceased, your marriage to their father gives you all you need.

This is not correct. Stepmom is still that - stepmom. A "legal stranger", so to speak. She still has no rights to the children.

It would not hurt for your husband to record his wishes in a will if he has not done so.

Husband should assign a 'standby guardianship'.

Or, what AJ said

 

[mightymoose]

I was under the impression she was already a legal guardian.

 

[Proserpina]

Adoption isn't even necessary. With their mother deceased, your marriage to their father gives you all you need.
It would not hurt for your husband to record his wishes in a will if he has not done so.

I may be misreading - but you seem to imply here that marriage confers some sort of legal rights. That's what I was commenting on.

 

[mightymoose]

I simply assumed that after 10+ years guardianship matters had been established by now, not by the marriage itself but by the natural course of things.
I suppose bio mom may have died more recently.
At any rate, my point was that guardianship would be sufficient and adoption not necessary.
Dad could use his will to get the kids on board with his final wishes.

 

[Proserpina]

Re-read the original post. If stepmom had guardianship, she wouldn't need anything else in order to have medical/educational decision-making abilities.

Dad still can't will the children. He can, as I stated, assign a standby guardianship in his will (though the court does not have to honor this at all - either set of grandparents would be able to fight if they wanted to). And at their ages, the children would likely need to agree with any adoption so guardianship may be the way to go.

 

[mightymoose]

It is common for a will to express how to care for the children of the deceased. Of course they aren't given away as property.
Dad putting his wishes for the care of his children into his will would be helpful to his wife, and possibly helpful to get the kids on board with dad's wishes if they are for some reason resistant toward stepmom.
Stepmom may already have guardianship, a real possibility after 10+ years of marriage to the kids father. She was asking about adoption, which is not necessary and not really practical. She may already be set with all she needs to care for the kids for a couple of years.
At any rate- the whole thing is hypothetical. Chances are that doing nothing will be just fine as the kids won't be kids much longer.