Single Parent wants to kick me out

[awoelke]

I am a 21 year old male attending university. I have been asked to leave the house because I refused to do a certain chore (cleaning my room). Does she have to give me "legal" eviction notice? What happens if when I leave she damages my things before I can get them out of the house? How long do I have to gather my stuff and get out??? I have quite a few belongings in the house, because I have been living here since I was 12. The last question is the most important one, I just want to be able to get my stuff out cause she wants me to leave tomorrow.

 

[CdwJava]

Do you pay rent? Have you ever contributed money towards the upkeep or maintenance of the home or any of the bills? If not, she MIGHT be able to convince a willing police officer to escort you out, but probably not.

Chances are if you really wanted to push it, she will have to evict you. But, do you REALLY want to have a court ordered eviction on your record as you are searching for a new place to live?

Time to start looking for a new place. Create a contract with her including a timeline of when you will be out. Include rights, responsibilities and obligations during that time period. For instance, perhaps you might agree to pay for your own food and clean your room until you leave, and you will promise to be out in 60 days or some such thing.

Get used to making a contract, the rest of your life will be filled with them. And, if all she requires from you is that you clean your room, why don't you??! Wouldn't it be cheaper to just do as she asks in HER home? This is a silly battle to be fighting and, in truth, it demonstrates some immaturity on your part if you are 21, living at home on your mom's dime, and willing to fight her over cleaning your flippin' room!

You are an adult. She does not have to let you stay there anymore. Keep in min that when she does get you out, you will have to work to pay for rent, food, care, goodies, etc., and you will have to pay for your own schooling if she pulls that rug out from you as well. So, either compromise, or be your own man and get out.

 

[awoelke]

Do you pay rent? Have you ever contributed money towards the upkeep or maintenance of the home or any of the bills? If not, she MIGHT be able to convince a willing police officer to escort you out, but probably not.

Chances are if you really wanted to push it, she will have to evict you. But, do you REALLY want to have a court ordered eviction on your record as you are searching for a new place to live?

Time to start looking for a new place. Create a contract with her including a timeline of when you will be out. Include rights, responsibilities and obligations during that time period. For instance, perhaps you might agree to pay for your own food and clean your room until you leave, and you will promise to be out in 60 days or some such thing.

Get used to making a contract, the rest of your life will be filled with them. And, if all she requires from you is that you clean your room, why don't you??! Wouldn't it be cheaper to just do as she asks in HER home? This is a silly battle to be fighting and, in truth, it demonstrates some immaturity on your part if you are 21, living at home on your mom's dime, and willing to fight her over cleaning your flippin' room!

You are an adult. She does not have to let you stay there anymore. Keep in min that when she does get you out, you will have to work to pay for rent, food, care, goodies, etc., and you will have to pay for your own schooling if she pulls that rug out from you as well. So, either compromise, or be your own man and get out.

Thank you for your time. I realize it is a very immature thing for me refusing to clean my room, but I am in a tough situation. I have lost a lot of respect for my mom since she started acting so ridiculous. She doesn't attend to any of her responsibilities around the house. In fact, my room is the cleanest room in the house. The other thing is, I dont really WANT to live here anymore. I just dont want her to get into one of her angry rages when I do leave and get rid of / throw out of stuff. She has serious anger issues and I fear for my belongings well being. Sorry for how materialist I sound, its just that my whole life is basically in this house. Its more my stuff Im worried about now than myself, becasue I HAVE a place to go. My grandmother offered me a room in her house because she knows how my mother can get. I realize I am an adult and she has every right to make me leave. Thank you for the suggestion about the contract thing. Any more advice with the details I just provided would be helpful.

P.S. No, I have never financially contributed to the rent or utilities of the home. I have not neglected ALL my chores, just a few that deal with my personal space.

 

[CdwJava]

Thank you for your time. I realize it is a very immature thing for me refusing to clean my room, but I am in a tough situation. I have lost a lot of respect for my mom since she started acting so ridiculous. She doesn't attend to any of her responsibilities around the house.

That does not mean YOU should not do so as well. I assume she works? Does she feed you or put clothes on your back? Do you have a job and pay for anything?

Unless you are self supporting, you should be thankful to have her support.

And if you do not respect her, then leave.

In fact, my room is the cleanest room in the house. The other thing is, I dont really WANT to live here anymore. I just dont want her to get into one of her angry rages when I do leave and get rid of / throw out of stuff.

Take your stuff with you. If she damages anything you DO leave behind, then you can sue her for any such damages. But, unless you have furniture which YOU purchased with YOUR money, I doubt you have a whole lot that cannot be taken with you provided you have a couple of friends with cars or someone with a pickup.

Note that things your mom has allowed you to use while you lived there does no mean they are yours to take. So, unless you bought it with your own money, she is doing you a favor if she lets you leave with it.

Its more my stuff Im worried about now than myself, becasue I HAVE a place to go.

It's a long weekend, and I am sure you have friends with cars. Do it over the next 48 hours and you should be fine and dandy.

P.S. No, I have never financially contributed to the rent or utilities of the home. I have not neglected ALL my chores, just a few that deal with my personal space.

Then, is it any wonder that she might be angry? You are 21. You are an adult. If you are in "university" then you are, ostensibly, intelligent. Thus, one might assume you are capable of demonstrating some level of responsibility and common sense.

It amazes me with my own kids (two of which are teenagers) how they are so often surprised that their mother gets angry with them, yet, they seem to go out of their way to do the stupid stuff that gets her angry! Then they are surprised! When, in reality, a few minutes of simple, short activity would make her happy as a lark and gain them all manner of benefits. Instead, they seem to opt for the conflict and then have the audacity to be stunned when mom is miffed! I don't get it ...

If my kids are to ignore any responsibilities when they hit 18, they're out the door. I have made it very clear to them that I am providing them with a roof, clothing, food, and care because I must. After they are 18 and out of high school, I will do so because I wish to do so, but that care comes with strings attached. Failure to abide by said strings (college, job to pay for gas and insurance on a vehicle and a small amount of room and board, curfew, etc.) will result in the big boot out the door.

If you have a place to go, make the arrangements and do it. If you can make amends with mom, consider it. Living on your own can suck - especially if going to school at the same time. I did it at age 22. I thought I would show mom and dad that I was NOT going to live under their rules anymore while in college! Nope! I was an adult, darn it! ... Wow! What a shock reality was. Where I once had money to go out to eat, go to an amusement park, a movie, and even get gas, I was now barely able to make ends meet ... dinners of Top Ramen, rice, mac & cheese, and whatever I could manage to snag at work (I worked at a restaurant) were the common fare. Who knew that toilet paper, toothpaste, my share of utilities, etc., would be so expensive?!

Well, good luck, and think hard about your options ... they coul have long lasting effects.

 

[awoelke]

very insightful and helpful. She just got home and I confronted in a rather angrier manner than I should have about the situation. I kept my cool after a while and told her I had been working on my room since she has been gone and to please let me stay a bit longer to gather all my things and clean up my room. I don't really want to leave, but I can't really put up with her any longer. I will leave the house with my things and hopefully a clean room, cause I do not want to leave on a bad note.

 

[CdwJava]

very insightful and helpful. She just got home and I confronted in a rather angrier manner than I should have about the situation. I kept my cool after a while and told her I had been working on my room since she has been gone and to please let me stay a bit longer to gather all my things and clean up my room. I don't really want to leave, but I can't really put up with her any longer. I will leave the house with my things and hopefully a clean room, cause I do not want to leave on a bad note.

That's a better way to handle things. Hopefully she will agree to the additional time.

No one says that you have to like her rules or even agree with them. But, it is a fundamental axiom of society that most people expect children to respect (or, at least, tolerate) their parents. The commandment telling us to "honor" our mother and father does not require we agree with them, only that we respect, acknowledge, and obey their wishes in such things.

Good luck.

 

[jharris352]

I decided not to tell you what I really think. Even though you need it. Grow up, clean your room and stop being a lazy, whiney, bum.