Photographic Blackmail

[Confused1093]

Jurisdiction

Michigan

I am currently going through a marital separation, which I ultimately would like to end in divorce. My "husband" will not stop his continued harassment, trying to make me get back together with him. The relationship spans over an almost 6 year period, and our marriage has spanned over 3 years. He has always been a very controlling and abusive partner. (Physically and mentally) We have 3 children under the age of 5. He is continually threatening to post private nude and sexual photos (we were married, he has hundreds) of myself from during our relationship onto Facebook for all of my family and friends to see, as well as posting and telling them all of my "deep, dark secrets" so to speak. He seems to be willing to go to any lengths to see us back together. He has even discreetly threatened my well being by telling me he was joining a gang because "he has nothing left to live for now", and I told him this was a stupid idea because that is putting a target on myself and our children if he does anything wrong in their eyes. Following this conversation I once again rejected the idea of getting back together and told him I would have to get a restraining order if he wouldn't stop harassing me, to which he responded "a restraining order never stopped them before" (them referring to the gang). I'm very stressed and confused over this situation. Is there anything I can do about this?

 

[army judge]

Stop talking to him.

Get the restraining order, move as far away as you can, proceed with the divorce, ask your attorney what can be done about his threats.

Don't ever allow anyone to take nude pictures of you, that's why WOLF FREAKS do that - to blackmail silly little lambs.

 

[adjusterjack]

I'm very stressed and confused over this situation. Is there anything I can do about this?

This is your own fault more than his.

If you want a divorce get a lawyer and file your petition. Ask for a restraining order as part of the petition.

Continue with:

I am currently going through a marital separation, which I ultimately would like to end in divorce.

And nothing changes.

 

[Confused1093]

This is your own fault more than his.

If you want a divorce get a lawyer and file your petition. Ask for a restraining order as part of the petition.

Continue with:



And nothing changes.

This relationship was severely abusive to the point of myself being in the grip of romantic Stockholm Syndrome for a very long time. He was so controlling I was forced to have sexual relations every single night. I did not do any of these things because I wanted to. I either did them or my life was hell. Not sure how that makes it my fault.

 

[adjusterjack]

I'm not referring to the past. I'm referring to the "now."

You're separated and haven't filed for divorce. That's your problem.

 

[Confused1093]

I'm not referring to the past. I'm referring to the "now."

You're separated and haven't filed for divorce. That's your problem.

I don't have the money to file for divorce. I don't even start working until next week, so I'm behind on rent, utilities, and all of that. I'm completely broke. I don't know what I can do in this situation with no money.

 

[army judge]

I was forced to have sexual relations every single night.

If that is true, that is RAPE.

If you were raped, contact a local rape crisis agency, and report the multiple rapes to the police!!!!

 

[Confused1093]

If that is true, that is RAPE.

If you were raped, contact a local rape crisis agency, and report the multiple rapes to the police!!!!

It wasn't like there was a gun to my head or anything. It was force by threats like "If you don't do it, I'm going to cheat on you." Or "If you don't do it, I'm going to treat you like shit for the rest of the night and tomorrow too cause I'll wake up in a bad mood from no sex." And he would do this and say these things over and over for hours until it finally happened. Sometimes I didn't want to so badly I would cry while it was happening, etc. I'm not sure what category that falls into under the law.

 

[army judge]

I don't have the money to file for divorce. I don't even start working until next week, so I'm behind on rent, utilities, and all of that. I'm completely broke. I don't know what I can do in this situation with no money.

Talk to a lawyer tomorrow.

The lawyer, if she takes your case, knows how to make "him" pay for her fees.

 

[army judge]

It wasn't like there was a gun to my head or anything. It was force by threats like "If you don't do it, I'm going to cheat on you." Or "If you don't do it, I'm going to treat you like shit for the rest of the night and tomorrow too cause I'll wake up in a bad mood from no sex." And he would do this and say these things over and over for hours until it finally happened. Sometimes I didn't want to so badly I would cry while it was happening, etc. I'm not sure what category that falls into under the law.

If that is how it happened, that MIGHT be rape.

Talk to a rape crisis counselor, and learn what a rape counselor says it MIGHT be.

 

[leslie82]

I am currently going through a marital separation, which I ultimately would like to end in divorce. My "husband" will not stop his continued harassment, trying to make me get back together with him. The relationship spans over an almost 6 year period, and our marriage has spanned over 3 years. He has always been a very controlling and abusive partner. (Physically and mentally) We have 3 children under the age of 5. He is continually threatening to post private nude and sexual photos (we were married, he has hundreds) of myself from during our relationship onto Facebook for all of my family and friends to see, as well as posting and telling them all of my "deep, dark secrets" so to speak. He seems to be willing to go to any lengths to see us back together. He has even discreetly threatened my well being by telling me he was joining a gang because "he has nothing left to live for now", and I told him this was a stupid idea because that is putting a target on myself and our children if he does anything wrong in their eyes. Following this conversation I once again rejected the idea of getting back together and told him I would have to get a restraining order if he wouldn't stop harassing me, to which he responded "a restraining order never stopped them before" (them referring to the gang). I'm very stressed and confused over this situation. Is there anything I can do about this?

He's not going about this very well if he's trying to get you back...

Let him make all the threats he wants. Stop talking to him. Get a protection order. Ultimately it is a piece of paper but if he violates it you can have him arrested. Also I very highly doubt any gang is going to take him in.

If he posts any nude photos of you without your permission there is a revenge porn law in Michigan. I would be talking to a lawyer so if he is a moron and he posts them you can take him to court.

With people like him, you can't give into their abuse. Ignoring them is the best thing to do. My ex husband was an abusive prick. When I filed for divorce he blamed me, said I was breaking up our family, blah blah. I have stupidly gotten back with him once after I filed. His issue was drugs and I thought he was finally taking sobriety seriously. I found out the hard way financially that he wasn't changing. He just got out of rehab for the fourth time. He hasn't changed. Best thing I did was leaving him. He has made threats to me and he has called me names if I didn't do what he wanted or if I didn't give him money. I laugh. Don't let him intimidate you.

I understand you thought you could trust your husband with nude photos (although hundreds is a lot) but this is why I don't do nude photos to anyone. You just never know when things will get messy. I also didn't do them for my ex husband because I knew he would show his friends. He tells them everything. Everything. Lesson learned though hopefully for you.

 

[leslie82]

This relationship was severely abusive to the point of myself being in the grip of romantic Stockholm Syndrome for a very long time. He was so controlling I was forced to have sexual relations every single night. I did not do any of these things because I wanted to. I either did them or my life was hell. Not sure how that makes it my fault.

Forcing you to have sex or perform sex acts is rape. Get that protection order ASAP. Stay away from him. Block him. Never go near that pos ever again. Also find yourself some counseling.

 

[leslie82]

It wasn't like there was a gun to my head or anything. It was force by threats like "If you don't do it, I'm going to cheat on you." Or "If you don't do it, I'm going to treat you like shit for the rest of the night and tomorrow too cause I'll wake up in a bad mood from no sex." And he would do this and say these things over and over for hours until it finally happened. Sometimes I didn't want to so badly I would cry while it was happening, etc. I'm not sure what category that falls into under the law.

There doesn't have to be a gun to your head for it to be rape. If he FORCED you at all that - is - rape. You were raped. Stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault.

Find lawyers who do free consultations - some do 30 min consultations for free. Talk to a few and you might find someone willing to work with you. When I was looking for lawyers two months before I actually filed one of them said he would waive the consultation fee after I told him my story.

The lawyer I went with I had talked to a week before because my then husband's first wife was violating the visitation order. Then the lawyer asked about me. I told him. A week later I was calling him to file divorce. He worked from home at the time so I only ended up paying $1500 (over three months). It also helped my ex didn't show up for court at all.

Shop around - you don't buy the first car you look at do you? Look around and compare and then pick a lawyer. It's better than staying married to this douchebag who RAPED you. It can't hurt to report it to the cops although at this point it's going to be he said/she said.

 

[ElleMD]

Talk to a lawyer. If you truly have no other income, filing for divorce can actually help you. As part of a separation agreement and eventually divorce settlement, you would be entitled to support for yourself and the children. Hanging out in limbo hoping he eventually decides to file on his own is pointless. He might even be on the hook for your lawyer fees.

This idiot isn't going to just join a gang. For one, a gang isn't an aerobics class at the Y you can just sign up for.

Contact a lawyer, and domestic violence support organization. Start here The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support

1-800-799-7233