Parent Alienation/Grandmother refusing mother ANY contact w/son.

AdriJames

New Member
Jurisdiction
Pennsylvania
2013, I was being evicted from my home and could no longer properly care for my 8 year old son due to not having anywhere to live or the means to care for him as he deserved. I asked his paternal grandparents if they would help me with him and take him in temporarily. The agreement was they would take care of him until I could get back on my feet and I specifically asked them to promise to not do anything behind my back and not to try and take him from me or keep him from me. They promised and assured me I was doing the right thing even though my gut told me otherwise. They already had custody of their 2 other grandchildren and I had watched them lie and manipulate and turn those kids against their parents. I tried to call and visit my son as much as possible, sometimes it was hard because I had no phone and sometimes stayed with people who didn't live near where my son was. Then they started cancelling our visits or they were always busy or when I called they said my son didn't want to talk. It got harder and harder for me to see him. When I did he told me that his grandmother said bad things about me and didn't want me to see him and wanted him to say bad things about me. I confronted her she denied ever saying anything about me around him. I ended up in jail, i wrote and sent him cards and letters the whole time. He never responded. He told my mother that he never got mail from me and his grandparents tolf him he would never see me again and i would never get out of jail. Once I was released I tried to get ahold of his grandparents to arrange a visit or a phone but I was ignored. When I did speak to them they insisted that my son wanted nothing to do with me and was apparently confessing things that happened to him while living with me bur they wouldn't tell me what. Eventually I filed for a custody modification and we went to mediation they agreed that if I drop my petition they will be willing to work things out with me so I can my son. I did. But they still shot down all my requests and eventually just ignored me. So I refiled. This time a hearing officer ordered them to start encouraging contact between him and I and told them that if they didn't a judge would force them to. That there was no reason they should continue not allowing me to have a relationship with my son and they better do as told. She also ordered family counseling between him and I. It's been 4 months and I still have not seen or spoken to my son. In counselling when he shows interest in me they go in objecting to it. Saying he's not ready, he's scared of me, he doesn't want to talk to me and just throw a fit. So i went and refiled again, this time I went for full custody. And it's going to go in front of the judge. I've been clean, on a drug treatment program, have a stable and safe home and am financially stable. It's been 4 years since I've seen or spoken to my son. They claim i didn't write or ask to see him or any of my other attempts but most importantly they have my son believing that I abandoned him and that ill hurt him and basically convinced him that I'm a monster and have twisted all his thoughts and memories of me. He is not supposed to talk or ask about me and the whole subject has been made into something scary. What are my options? How should I approach this and not seem like I'm trying to push responsibility for the whole situation on to them? I want to be a part of my sons life but as long as they are involved they will do anything they can to stop me and him from having a positive relationship. I look like a deadbeat mother and they look like saviours.
 
Hire yourself a lawyer.

As long as you try to do this without a lawyer, nothing will ever change.
 
I agree you need help. You knew what they were like, yet you believed their lies. A second time you backed out of court believing their lies. You are not equipped to handle this on your own.
 
It sounds as if the grandmother has legal custody since you are requesting a modification to a visitation order.
Grandmother may well be within her rights depending on the circumstances and the language of the orders.
Remember that what you are trying to accomplish will be done with the best interest of the child in mind, not your own interest.
I agree you need legal assistance.
 
We've already been to court. In front of a hearing officer. The current court order says my son and I are to attend reunionification counseling. We have been for 4 months. Every time there's progress and he says he's ready to see me the grandparents go in to his counselor and start throwing fits about how hes not ready and they won't bring him if they insist on"forcing" him to see me. My son told his dad, who is allowed contact but under strict control of his parents, that he wanted to talk to me on the phone and his dad said ok we'll do a three way call. Next thing you know his mother somehow found out and told him if he helps me see our son she will never let him see his son again. In the order it says the grandparents are to encourage and help facilitate contact between him and me. I've never been told by the court I wasn't allowed to see him or be around him. The only reason they got custody in the first place is because the never served me or notified me of the hearing. They claimed that it wasn't their responsibility to and said they didn't know how to get ahold of me or my address. Which is a lie. I was homeless but they knew multiple ways to contact me. At that time I was still visiting him so they could have told me then. The grandmother has obvious personal issues with me and is using my child to hurt me. Up until I needed help I had sole physical and legal custody and never had a case with CYS or anything. I just was in a tough spot and needed help. I did what was best for him.
 
Yup. It's already in the system and you have existing orders. If the orders aren't being followed then you need to go through the process of modifying them again.

If you have a current visitation order that clearly states when you are allowed to have visitation (every other Tuesday, Christmas day, etc) then you should try to get your local law enforcement to take a report regarding the willful violation of that court order. Report it every single time they violate it. If the order is vague and says "visitation as agreed" or something similar then that is very difficult to enforce. In the future make sure any visitation order you agree to is very specific about the dates and times you are allowed visitation.

As for now, it seems you need to go back to court and work things out again. Show that you are holding up your end of the agreement and the other party is not.
 
We've already been to court. In front of a hearing officer. The current court order says my son and I are to attend reunionification counseling. We have been for 4 months. Every time there's progress and he says he's ready to see me the grandparents go in to his counselor and start throwing fits about how hes not ready and they won't bring him if they insist on"forcing" him to see me. My son told his dad, who is allowed contact but under strict control of his parents, that he wanted to talk to me on the phone and his dad said ok we'll do a three way call. Next thing you know his mother somehow found out and told him if he helps me see our son she will never let him see his son again. In the order it says the grandparents are to encourage and help facilitate contact between him and me. I've never been told by the court I wasn't allowed to see him or be around him. The only reason they got custody in the first place is because the never served me or notified me of the hearing. They claimed that it wasn't their responsibility to and said they didn't know how to get ahold of me or my address. Which is a lie. I was homeless but they knew multiple ways to contact me. At that time I was still visiting him so they could have told me then. The grandmother has obvious personal issues with me and is using my child to hurt me. Up until I needed help I had sole physical and legal custody and never had a case with CYS or anything. I just was in a tough spot and needed help. I did what was best for him.

You - need - a - lawyer.
 
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