Child Abuse, Molestation, Porn Not an easy read

[Leidenfrost]

Jurisdiction

Florida

I found out that my future wife was raped at the age of 11 or 12 by her 16yoa step-brother. This is 10 years ago now. She's convinced, that because it was so long ago, no one will believe her and she will only damage the relationship she has with the rest of her family. And that there's nothing that can be done about it. I'd like to learn what, if anything can be done about it. What she can expect if she comes forward about it.

 

[leslie82]

Statute of limitations for rape reports extended in Florida

"A new law doubles the amount of time victims have to report assaults from four to 8 years." If this happened 10 years ago it seems the statute of limitations has expired for her to report to authorities as it's been 10 years.

I did also find this on RAINN's website: https://www.rainn.org/pdf-files-and...resources/2009-Statutes/09FloridaStatutes.pdf

But that's for sexual battery. I would talk to a lawyer in your area to see because they are most likely current on laws regarding sexual assault and rape.

For civil lawsuit: Florida's Statute of Limitations of Sexual Abuse | LegalMatch Law Library

I'm very sorry that it happened to her. I would really talk to a lawyer to see if anything criminally can be done. If it can't, it's up to her if she wants to tell her family. She could face backlash or support from them - it depends on her family.

 

[hrforme]

(personal response) You need to let her lead the way on what she wants to do. You shouldn't push or try to somehow now be a hero regarding something you just learned about. If anything, suggest counseling - and get some together/for yourself also to know how best to deal with any traumatic issues she might have. Because sometimes it can pop up at the weirdest of times (it's been 27+ years for me and every once in a while it slugs me again)..... Only by the grace of God do I not hide in my closest in fear. But I also don't have to face my attacker ever again. If this is a current family member, a therapist can help her work through her reactions/behaviors (and yours) to handle any situations where he might be. Or honestly teach her that a boundary is a good thing and an okay thing.

Honestly she can expect all sorts of consequences and probably not much closure. She will have some who do not believe her even if the person were to be able to be arrested or convicted. And that is going to be tough with little to no evidence.

I wish I could give a better/easier response that you want to hear. But I've been pretty lucky that my spouse stuck with me and dealt with blowback that had nothing to do with him...

 

[Leidenfrost]

As a veteran I am all too familiar with things coming back to haunt you when you think you're past it. And though the soldier in me is going absolutely ballistic, beating on the inside of my skull and screaming for me to do something; I know full well that all I can do is be there for her and try my best to help her. My concern is her step-sisters upcoming wedding where she will be maid of honor. And he will be a groomsman. He's the type of person who will put forth an effort to make her uncomfortable. It came up because he was released from prison (again) yesterday. After 3 years for vop, assault, domestic. He's a real piece of work. And while I'm perfectly capable of handling myself and have an extremely high level of self control, I'm filled with dread. The English language lacks the words to articulate the anger, grief, sadness, and outright terrifying rage I feel. Shes tough and is perfectly content to pretend it never happened though I've seen her suffer under the weight of it before. I'm scared that shes going to suffer through having to interact with him and that there absolutely nothing I can do to help her. This heartbreaking feeling of utter helplessness does not sit well with me. She's going to suffer and I can't do a damn thing to mitigate it. If death himself were to offer to make it so it never happened and all it would cost would be my life, I wouldn't hesitate and would thank him for his kindness.

 

[mightymoose]

I agree that the best approach would be through counseling.
Since the offender in this case was also a juvenile at the time it complicates things.
A crisis counselor and victim advicate will be able to provide support and information that remove you from the process. She might be more willing to open up to them.
They will know about statutes of limitations and how to proceed, if at all.
Since the victim was a minor there may not be a limit.

 

[army judge]

As a veteran I am all too familiar with things coming back to haunt you when you think you're past it. And though the soldier in me is going absolutely ballistic, beating on the inside of my skull and screaming for me to do something; I know full well that all I can do is be there for her and try my best to help her. My concern is her step-sisters upcoming wedding where she will be maid of honor. And he will be a groomsman. He's the type of person who will put forth an effort to make her uncomfortable. It came up because he was released from prison (again) yesterday. After 3 years for vop, assault, domestic. He's a real piece of work. And while I'm perfectly capable of handling myself and have an extremely high level of self control, I'm filled with dread. The English language lacks the words to articulate the anger, grief, sadness, and outright terrifying rage I feel. Shes tough and is perfectly content to pretend it never happened though I've seen her suffer under the weight of it before. I'm scared that shes going to suffer through having to interact with him and that there absolutely nothing I can do to help her. This heartbreaking feeling of utter helplessness does not sit well with me. She's going to suffer and I can't do a damn thing to mitigate it. If death himself were to offer to make it so it never happened and all it would cost would be my life, I wouldn't hesitate and would thank him for his kindness.

You should have no concern but to support her in whatever decisions she makes along these lines.

What you describe, she suffers.

If she doesn't bring it up, you need to shut up.

When, and IF she mentions it, all you ever need to say is, "Honey, I'm here for YOU. I'll do whatever you ask. This is your show, I'm just a roadie."

If you wish to suggest something, suggest she see a psychologist, therapist, or rape counselor.

Don't harp on it, its best to ask her what she wants or needs you to do.