Need help to force supervised visitation on abusive father

D

Deb seeks help

New Member
Jurisdiction
Florida
Hello, my daughter has finally got out of a 7 year controlling and abusive relationship and they have 3 children.
2 of the children are claiming that Daddy touches their privates. The youngest don't talk much yet. The oldest is almost 7 and is afraid to go back to her fathers house to visit with him. Yes child services are involved but in over 3 weeks nothing is being done.
He has a lawyer and she was just served with papers stating that she must resume allowing the father to visit with the children or face criminal charges and arrest. I don't understand how she could or should be forced to allow the children to go there. I feel he needs to have limited visitation that is supervised. And not by friends or family.
My daughter and the children have suffered years of absolute control, manipulation and mental abuse by him. Tells my daughter she needs to die and she should just go kill herself.... In front of the girls.and much worse.
Since she left him, almost a year ago, He has called DCF on her a few times, all unfounded.
He now has a lawyer and is trying to gain custody of the girls. He is an over the road truck driver and also a heavy marijuana smoker who uses detox kits and fake urine to pass drug screens.
My daughter has tried contacting just about every lawyer that serves her area and no one is willing to help her without thousands of dollars and legal aid claims they do not have funds available to take on her case. Someone please I beg you please help.
 
" I don't understand how she could or should be forced to allow the children to go there."

Unfortunately a lot of parents make up lies or coach children such that it is not always blatantly apparent with evidence to a judge/court that abuse has occured. Not saying you or she are doing this, but it happens so much that they can't just take a parent's word for it. And until the court order changes, there's not much she can do legally. A lawyer would be in her and the children's best interest.

Have the children outcried to anyone other than the mother? (because at this point the mom isn't impartial and you probably are not either) Maybe the 7 yr old should outcry to a teacher or counselor at school? Maybe the mother should take the children to a doctor for checkup/physical exam? Or a therapist? But the mother needs to be careful to NOT be manipulating the child to say anything directly and needs to let it come from the child themselves.
 
If there is a court order you MUST obey it. You need to talk to your CPS worker to find out why they are NOT helping you protect the children! You too should have a Lawyer so you can help protect the children until then again you MUST obey any current visitation order. As stated above have the children said anything about the abuse to anyone outside of home like CPS worker, teacher,Doctor etc?

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hrforme said:
" I don't understand how she could or should be forced to allow the children to go there."

Unfortunately a lot of parents make up lies or coach children such that it is not always blatantly apparent with evidence to a judge/court that abuse has occured. Not saying you or she are doing this, but it happens so much that they can't just take a parent's word for it. And until the court order changes, there's not much she can do legally. A lawyer would be in her and the children's best interest.

Have the children outcried to anyone other than the mother? (because at this point the mom isn't impartial and you probably are not either) Maybe the 7 yr old should outcry to a teacher or counselor at school? Maybe the mother should take the children to a doctor for checkup/physical exam? Or a therapist? But the mother needs to be careful to NOT be manipulating the child to say anything directly and needs to let it come from the child themselves.
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Yes, she has CP's involved, they are seriously dragging their feet. Yes they have both been to their testing and they just keep telling my daughter that there is no updates on the case.
She finally was able to get the oldest one into counseling and has been diagnosed with PTSD. And will be starting therapy. The 4 yr old had an apt on the 17th for her to be interviewed to begin therapy, she also has started seeing a counselor through her school.
The oldest has told others which is how this had come to my daughters attention. The oldest has started wetting the bed, something she's not done in almost 4 years. All 3 of the children have behavior issues both at school and with mom for several days after they have had a every other weekend visit with the dad.
Since the touching has come to light approx 2 wks before Thanksgiving my daughter has stopped all visitation with the father. She has time against her. She is doing everything she can to protect the children from further abuse however with him having a lawyer and she does not and she has to continue waiting for all these therapy sessions for the girls to proceed before she has more solid evidence.
Where are the rights for these children??? I will also point out its not just his touching them. There's a lot of mental abuse, the 7 yr old was diagnosed 3 yes ago with ADD, so the father sees fit to call his daughter ADD by name. Come here ADD, oh look ADD is crying. The youngest has scoliosis and had a deformed head, the father called her miss disabled by name. He calls all 3 of them serious bad names, such as sissy bitch. Pansy ass cry baby and on and on.
After 7 years of being under his control and mind games she finally got away from him only to her life and the girls lives to be subjected to worse and more torture and abuse.
Someone has to help these babies. No one seems to be interested in protecting them other than their mother!!
 
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shrinkmaster said:
If there is a court order you MUST obey it. You need to talk to your CPS worker to find out why they are NOT helping you protect the children! You too should have a Lawyer so you can help protect the children until then again you MUST obey any current visitation order. As stated above have the children said anything about the abuse to anyone outside of home like CPS worker, teacher,Doctor etc?

Parent Nook Forums - Index page
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Technically there is not a court order for visitation. However, there is a child support order where they put in what ever the father claimed he was getting for visitation. As to which was not what they had agreed upon for visitation.
And now that he has accepted a job working over the road again, he is now only home every other weekend. And would not be able to abide by their own agreed visitation as a result.
He filed for full custody a few days after my daughter called CP's and reported the sexual abuse. He has since also obtained a lawyer.

Yes, she has CP's involved, they are seriously dragging their feet. Yes they have both been to their testing and they just keep telling my daughter that there is no updates on the case.
She finally was able to get the oldest one into counseling and has been diagnosed with PTSD. And will be starting therapy. The 4 yr old had an apt on the 17th for her to be interviewed to begin therapy, she also has started seeing a counselor through her school.
The oldest has told others which is how this had come to my daughters attention. The oldest has started wetting the bed, something she's not done in almost 4 years. All 3 of the children have behavior issues both at school and with mom for several days after they have had a every other weekend visit with the dad.
Since the touching has come to light approx 2 wks before Thanksgiving my daughter has stopped all visitation with the father. She has time against her. She is doing everything she can to protect the children from further abuse however with him having a lawyer and she does not and she has to continue waiting for all these therapy sessions for the girls to proceed before she has more solid evidence.
Where are the rights for these children??? I will also point out its not just his touching them. There's a lot of mental abuse, the 7 yr old was diagnosed 3 yes ago with ADD, so the father sees fit to call his daughter ADD by name. Come here ADD, oh look ADD is crying. The youngest has scoliosis and had a deformed head, the father called her miss disabled by name. He calls all 3 of them serious bad names, such as sissy bitch. Pansy ass cry baby and on and on.
After 7 years of being under his control and mind games she finally got away from him only to her life and the girls lives to be subjected to worse and more torture and abuse.
Someone has to help these babies. No one seems to be interested in protecting them other than their mother!!
 
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Deb seeks help said:
she was just served with papers stating that she must resume allowing the father to visit with the children or face criminal charges and arrest.
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Is this a notice from the court or a letter from his attorney?

Have the police ever been involved regarding the allegations of molestation?

Has she ever sought an emergency protective order?

If the allegations are legitimate then child services should be able to step in and assist to protect the children.
 
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mightymoose said:
Is this a notice from the court or a letter from his attorney?

Have the police ever been involved regarding the allegations of molestation?

Has she ever sigsou an emergency protective order?

If the allegations are legitimate then child services should be able to step in and assist to protect the children.
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This is a court order for her to resume visitation for the father.
Yes the police had been called and interviewed the children, and CPS have been called and are involved.
After a week from contacting cps, my daughter had to call them to ask what they are going to do and the worker said oh I can set them up with an apt through cpt.
She had to call both times to get that done for both the girls.
 
Deb seeks help said:
This is a court order for her to resume visitation for the father.
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She must obey the court order. However, if the allegations are new and the investigation is ongoing, it is possible the order was made without knowledge of the allegations. She needs to contact child services (or an attorney) regarding the order if the investigation is active. They have the means to intervene if necessary. If they have already determined the allegations to be unfounded then options may be limited.
 
Deb seeks help said:
She needs an attorney. Yes. But without thousands of dollars no one will help.
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There are support groups that can and do help.

The mother must seek their help.

The media can assist, as can county/state crime victim's assistance agencies, and battered women's rights groups.

There are also child advocacy groups who will help.

There are Christian and Jewish religious agencies who offer help.

I suggest you and your daughter start turning over rocks.
 
Deb seeks help said:
She needs an attorney. Yes. But without thousands of dollars no one will help.
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Have you looked? Some do free consultations. And some may work with a person if you find the right one who feels sorry for your daughter. You have to just keep asking. My divorce cost me $1500. Relocating with my daughter cost $3200. My divorce lawyer was working from home at the time and really reasonable (and my case was super easy). But I looked and looked until I happened on that guy. Actually I found that guy when a week before I hired him I was finding a lawyer for my then husband to take his first ex wife to court for contempt of the visitation order.
 
Just to chime in, I don't know about your area in Florida (I'm in Ohio)- but here in Ohio, Legal Aide Society offers Free Attorney Workshops that are typically held twice monthly in local churches. You are allowed to go, it's first come, first serve- and you get up to 45 min with an attorney to discuss your potential options. I would call your Legal Aide Society locally to see if they offer anything like that. As well, these workshops are also advertised here in Ohio via our news stations. So, if you run into a dead end with Legal Aide, perhaps try calling them or the Florida Bar Association too!

I haven't read through all the responses, but if you haven't already, it would be great to get the kids pediatrician actively involved in the molestation claims made by the kids. The pediatrician should be very helpful in making the appropriate referrals to address those concerns.

Regardless, I wish you and your daughter/grandchildren well. What a nightmare!
 
Tenant for now said:
Just to chime in, I don't know about your area in Florida (I'm in Ohio)- but here in Ohio, ...
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Which really doesn't help, but thanks for playing.

Most legal aid programs will not touch any kind of child custody cases, because they tend to drag on for years and years.
 
KatDini said:
Which really doesn't help, but thanks for playing.

Most legal aid programs will not touch any kind of child custody cases, because they tend to drag on for years and years.
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Is there a reason why you felt the need to be so rude? I see a trend with more than one in the peanut gallery. And while that sentence you took the time to quote might not of been "helpful"- I simply put it out there in an effort to offer help/support. In any case, rudeness is really unnecessary and quite childish. SMH.

And for the record, I didn't suggest a Legal Aide "Program". I simply suggested she contact her local Legal Aide, to inquire about Free Attorney Consults in her area. Perhaps instead of being so bent on being rude, you should actually go back and read exactly what I suggested. Otherwise, what you would be suggesting, is that a free consultation with an attorney is a waste of time and "not helpful". Which is ridiculous.
 
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Tenant for now said:
Is there a reason why you felt the need to be so rude? I see a trend with more than one in the peanut gallery. And while that sentence you took the time to quote might not of been "helpful"- I simply put it out there in an effort to offer help/support. In any case, rudeness is really unnecessary and quite childish. SMH.

And for the record, I didn't suggest a Legal Aide "Program". I simply suggested she contact her local Legal Aide, to inquire about Free Attorney Consults in her area. Perhaps instead of being so bent on being rude, you should actually go back and read exactly what I suggested. Otherwise, what you would be suggesting, is that a free consultation with an attorney is a waste of time and "not helpful". Which is ridiculous.
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There are 50 states and several territories, each which treat family court matters differently. So, your suggestion to the OP from an Ohio standpoint is about as helpful as if I had told you to go talk to the Friend of Court (a unique Michigan family court feature). But then, I doubt very seriously that you would see that.
 
KatDini said:
There are 50 states and several territories, each which treat family court matters differently. So, your suggestion to the OP from an Ohio standpoint is about as helpful as if I had told you to go talk to the Friend of Court (a unique Michigan family court feature). But then, I doubt very seriously that you would see that.
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Look, I'm not going to debate with you simply because you want to be "right". Attempting to insult my intelligence won't work either. I am well aware that there are "50 states and several territories" and that each one more than likely have their own way of handling these matters, programs, etc. However, mentioning to someone that they should simply inquire about something in their state that might be offered, isn't some outlandish piece of advice. What's the absolute worst that could be said? "No, Florida doesn't offer that"? Ok. so then move on down the list of others advice. I'm still positive that each state has attorneys and attorneys networks that more than likely give back to their communities in some way. To suggest to the OP that she should at least ASK about those possible efforts from attorneys in her area, isn't some outlandish idea. My suggestion wasn't from "an Ohio standpoint" (as in 'if it's in Ohio, it's everywhere'), but rather an attempt to share an EXAMPLE of what kinds of services are offered here, that MAY be offered in Florida too.
I'll end this now, since it's apparent you just simply want to stay committed to proving me "wrong" in some way.

To the OP: I continue to wish you well. Which last I checked, is a universal courtesy that can be extended to others. You may want to run that by KatDini though. Just to ensure that Florida participates.
 

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