My husband wants to adopt my daughter without the fathers consent!

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Lorelei

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O.K. I never married my daughters father J, but he is on the darn birth certificate, my daughter A has his last name. there is no paternity established. no court order for child support/visitation. he left me when i was 2 months pregnant. He hasnt paid for child support. He isn't in A's life consistently, he Started visiting her when she was 5. he never cared to visit her until he got a girlfriend D. She is pushing him to get A to stay over her fathers home for spring break. 1) he is a horrible person he doesn't respect the way i am raising my daughter. 2) he disrespects me. I've let her go with him for two weeks and she came back confused and emotionally damaged. I dont want to have to put my daughter through this emotional roller coaster. I think if he wants A in his life he needs to make the effort to be in her life NOT the other way around. (we live in Nevada he lives in CA. A is 7 years old now.) NOW, My husband loves my daughter and he doesn't want her father allowed to take her away or visit whenever he's feeling a guilt trip. She needs to stay stable. How can my husband adopt my daughter without her fathers consent?
 
He can't. You might have had a chance for abandonment before the father decided he wanted to play a role in his daughters life.

Your husband has no legal rights in this matter.

Gail
 
Lorelei said:
O.K. I never married my daughters father J, but he is on the darn birth certificate, my daughter A has his last name. there is no paternity established. no court order for child support/visitation. he left me when i was 2 months pregnant. He hasnt paid for child support. He isn't in A's life consistently, he Started visiting her when she was 5. he never cared to visit her until he got a girlfriend D. She is pushing him to get A to stay over her fathers home for spring break. 1) he is a horrible person he doesn't respect the way i am raising my daughter. 2) he disrespects me. I've let her go with him for two weeks and she came back confused and emotionally damaged. I dont want to have to put my daughter through this emotional roller coaster. I think if he wants A in his life he needs to make the effort to be in her life NOT the other way around. (we live in Nevada he lives in CA. A is 7 years old now.) NOW, My husband loves my daughter and he doesn't want her father allowed to take her away or visit whenever he's feeling a guilt trip. She needs to stay stable. How can my husband adopt my daughter without her fathers consent?
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Yea, without her fathers consent he cant. You may offer him to sign his rights over or start paying child support then maybe if he does'nt care about her, he would to avoid paying child support. Good luck.
 
The good news is, the alleged sperm donor has no legal rights, either.

Paternity has not been proven.

The sperm donor has paid no child support.

There are no court orders allowing him to have your child.

Yes, it could be his, but that has not been proven to a legal certainty.

If the sperm donor wishes to see your child, tell him to take you to court and establish paternity.

You might also tell him that when he does (which is highly doubtful) you'll ask for child support.

That should scare the creep away.

If it doesn't, good, let the court put everything in an order.

In the meantime, just say no to his ridiculous demands.

You are the mother and your husband doesn't have to adopt her to be her dad.

Your concern should be for your child's welfare going forward (just as it has in the past), not some deadbeat that seeks revenge.

One more thing, it is risky fir you to allow that precious child to cross state lines to be with that deadbeat bum.

You might have a hard time getting her back if he decides to keep her.

Until the court orders his visits, don't take that risk.

The child finds this adult mess too confusing and unsettling.

Just say NO!


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I disagree that he can not adopt her with out the father agreeing. You will need a very good lawyer and it would not be cheap, plus there is no sure way to know the judge would rule in your favor. It would have to be proved how and why it is in the child's best interest and what makes the biological father such a dead beat in your mind has to be enough to convince a judge the same. I agree with Army Judge completely though. If you have the money to spend on the lawyer and are up to the fight, which if he objects that is what it will be, then pursue it. If not, just follow all the advice from Army Judge.
 
One of two things needs to happen. Either Dad consents, or Mom petitions the court to have Dad's rights terminated involuntarily.

The latter is NOT easy to accomplish. Either way, I cannot emphasize strongly enough how critical it will be to hire an attorney.

Seriously - because if Dad has contact, even sporadic, it's going to be VERY difficult to convince a judge to terminate his rights even though those rights have not yet been legally established.

The burden of proof is not on Dad to show why the adoption should not go ahead - but on Mom to show that it should. Dad is going to be notified anyway, no matter what.
 
Proserpina said:
One of two things needs to happen. Either Dad consents, or Mom petitions the court to have Dad's rights terminated involuntarily.

The latter is NOT easy to accomplish. Either way, I cannot emphasize strongly enough how critical it will be to hire an attorney.

Seriously - because if Dad has contact, even sporadic, it's going to be VERY difficult to convince a judge to terminate his rights even though those rights have not yet been legally established.

The burden of proof is not on Dad to show why the adoption should not go ahead - but on Mom to show that it should. Dad is going to be notified anyway, no matter what.
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Prosperina, you know I admire you.
But, my friend, there is a red herring in this one.
The OP's husband, doesn't need to adopt.
He's already being a dad.
He has certain parental rights via the marriage.
It will be difficult for him to adopt.
It might be impossible.
Why allow that red herring to distract from what they already possess?
Therefore, adoption needs to be dismissed.

But, the absentee "alleged" father, has no rights.
A name on a birth certificate, doesn't legally mean its HIS name.
That, alone, doesn't give him any rights, especially when coupled with his lackluster record as a parent.

Do I need to remind everyone of the Anna Nicole Smith and baby saga?


First of all, paternity has never been established, the name on the birth certificate, notwithstanding.
Second, the absentee father does not reside in Nevada.
Third, the mother has SOLE physical and legal custody.
Fourth, the mother doesn't have to allow the absentee father to take the child to California.
Fifth, allowing the child to cross state lines isn't smart and is risky.
Sixth, the mother and her child's situs is n Nevada.
Seventh, any suit by the father would have to brought in a Nevada court.
Eighth, look at what the "alleged" father has done.
Ninth, if he should bring suit in Nevada, I'd answer with a demand for child support.
Tenth, keep the child out of California, and you keep the wolf at bay!
 
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You guys need to chill out with that HE CAN'T stuff. Especially when that isn't true. You can file to have the father's rights TERMINATED for cause. It isn't that hard if he has not established paternity and has never bothered to pay child support. Go talk to an attorney about terminating her father's rights to the child and then you can do a step parent adoption.

Termination of parental rights is not as hard as you might think. First, it would force the father to prove paternity. Secondly it would force the father to establish child support. The lack of child support especially for 7 years is grounds in and of itself. Third, faced with child support he may just cave and sign over his rights.
 
army judge said:
Prosperina, you know I admire you.
But, my friend, there is a red herring in this one.
The OP's husband, doesn't need to adopt.
He's already being a dad.
He has certain parental rights via the marriage.
It will be difficult for him to adopt.
It might be impossible.
Why allow that red herring to distract from what they already possess?
Therefore, adoption needs to be dismissed.
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I absolutely agree. He doesn't need to adopt to be a father to these children (oh gosh, I actually count myself lucky to have had three fathers..and obviously only one had the legal right to call himself "Dad"!).


But, the absentee "alleged" father, has no rights.
A name on a birth certificate, doesn't legally mean its HIS name.
That, alone, doesn't give him any rights, especially when coupled with his lackluster record as a parent.

Do I need to remind everyone of the Anna Nicole Smith and baby saga?
Click to expand...

Nope - but being that he is apparently father, this does give him standing to petition the courts and establish those rights, and fight for his children.

(Oh gosh AJ - you invoked Anna Nicole! :nuts )

First of all, paternity has never been established, the name on the birth certificate, notwithstanding.
Second, the absentee father does not reside in Nevada.
Third, the mother has SOLE physical and legal custody.
Fourth, the mother doesn't have to allow the absentee father to take the child to California.
Fifth, allowing the child to cross state lines isn't smart and is risky.
Sixth, the mother and her child's situs is n Nevada.
Seventh, any suit by the father would have to brought in a Nevada court.
Eighth, look at what the "alleged" father has done.
Ninth, if he should bring suit in Nevada, I'd answer with a demand for child support.
Tenth, keep the child out of California, and you keep the wolf at bay!
Click to expand...


I love this answer so much I can't even quantify my bliss!

On a more serious note, my response was basically addressing the issue of TPR/SPA. I still stand by my answer ;)
 
none

Lorelei said:
O.K. I never married my daughters father J, but he is on the darn birth certificate, my daughter A has his last name. there is no paternity established. no court order for child support/visitation. he left me when i was 2 months pregnant. He hasnt paid for child support. He isn't in A's life consistently, he Started visiting her when she was 5. he never cared to visit her until he got a girlfriend D. She is pushing him to get A to stay over her fathers home for spring break. 1) he is a horrible person he doesn't respect the way i am raising my daughter. 2) he disrespects me. I've let her go with him for two weeks and she came back confused and emotionally damaged. I dont want to have to put my daughter through this emotional roller coaster. I think if he wants A in his life he needs to make the effort to be in her life NOT the other way around. (we live in Nevada he lives in CA. A is 7 years old now.) NOW, My husband loves my daughter and he doesn't want her father allowed to take her away or visit whenever he's feeling a guilt trip. She needs to stay stable. How can my husband adopt my daughter without her fathers consent?
Click to expand...
you cant complain that he isnt pay child support when he was never ordered to pay in the first place. and your husband has no say over wether or not dad sees his daughter. in order for your husband to adopt, you need to establish paternity, then get dad to consent, but if he says no then its no.
 
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