my husband married another woman ......my rights

[yoclark]

I have been married for 23 years seperated for 4 but not legally. My "husband" married another woman last weekend.( i was informed by my 21 year old son) We have 2 minor children as well. The other woman knows we are still married. My husband and his "wife" are not aware I know, he had my minor children lie about their activities last weekend. They do have a baby. I have been on a waiting list for assistance for a divorce for 11/2 years. What should I do legally?

 

[army judge]

I have been married for 23 years seperated for 4 but not legally. My "husband" married another woman last weekend.( i was informed by my 21 year old son) We have 2 minor children as well. The other woman knows we are still married. My husband and his "wife" are not aware I know, he had my minor children lie about their activities last weekend. They do have a baby. I have been on a waiting list for assistance for a divorce for 11/2 years. What should I do legally?

You've just been promoted to the head of the divorce line, if you're willing to prosecute that bum!

Notify your local district attorney's office, prosecutor's office, or a detective at your local police department of your husband's deceitful activities.

If he married another woman, while being married to you, he's committing BIGAMY. That is a crime in all 50 states. In fact, in many states it is a serious felony. In about 12 states, it is a misdemeanor.

In Hawaii, it is a petty misdemeanor. You can get $100 fine, and only 30 days in jail.

In what state do you reside?

If this crook did marry another woman, he punched your ticket to a free (in most jurisdictions) divorce. The state authorities will investigate, prosecute, and you'll eventually get a divorce.

Forget the hussy that he wed. She's nor committing any crime, unless she's married, too!

But, that shyster husband of yours is in big trouble. Report it as I've instructed you to do, and he'll get his, and you'll get yours!


I'm sorry this bum did that to you. Now, go get 'em!!!


http://www.usmarriagelaws.com/search/united_states/polygamy/index.shtml

http://definitions.uslegal.com/b/bigamy/

 

[Proserpina]

...but before you run and make those calls, please make sure that he didn't have a "spiritual" or "emotional" marriage ceremony versus a legal marriage ceremony.

Otherwise you might look a bit silly.

 

[KCGirl]

...but before you run and make those calls, please make sure that he didn't have a "spiritual" or "emotional" marriage ceremony versus a legal marriage ceremony.

Otherwise you might look a bit silly.

Agreed, he deserves to get his like Army Judge says however check this out otherwise he gets the last laugh. He must be a fool to do something so stupid. Either that or arrogant enough to think the law doesn't apply to him.

 

[Proserpina]

(And make sure, OP, that you're not actually divorced! It's possible you could have been served via publication etc...)

 

[KCGirl]

(And make sure, OP, that you're not actually divorced! It's possible you could have been served via publication etc...)

Possible, but they usually only allow service by publication, at least in my experience here in the midwest, when normal channels have failed. They would first try the personal service by process server or sheriff. Mainly, service by publication is a last resort for people who can't be located or homeless perhaps. And since her husband knows where she is by virtue of their children n it would be unlikely (but I never say never) to do publication service. That has been my experience so far. I'm not an attorney however have spent many years in support positions with various law firms.

It's good to see so many people who are behind you and hoping you get your divorce finally. (And if he gets his in the process, all the better). Still as far as the children are concerned, you sound like someone who would not try to use them for your own purposes which is the way it ought to be.

Good luck to ya! Maybe you can post a follow up if you like. Nice to know how things turn out.

 

[yoclark]

Thank you to all

Thank you all. A little more info: I filed for uncontested divorce myself about a year and a half ago on my own but the judge wanted a paternity test down on the baby he has with his "wife".That is why applied for the lawyer assistance. I did get a letter from the agency that supplies the free lawyer(I can not afford a lawyer) I should be hearing from a layer within a week) Based on my research, the way I read it even a commitment ceremony is still bigamy. I may be wrong.
What I have done so far is: I did call the town where it was held and they said it could be as long as 30 days for me to be sure of if it was "legal "(Marriage license) or not. I also called my children's guidance counselors and therapists and informed them of my children's father marrying as both our children are aware we are still married.( They are 14 and 17 years old) I hope that it does not affect my children's grades or behavior but this way the teachers can keep an eye out for any changes. Also so if my children bring up the topic in therapy the therapist can address any concerns my children may have.My children are not aware I know of the marriage. (I don't want to put them in the middle to "choose sides", so to speak)
Side note….. He is that stupid… he thinks he is above the law. When in the custody battle he tried to say I was stalking his girlfriend's children at their school. ( I was the previous year' s PTA president so everyone there knows me.) When questioned by the judge on how I was stalking them he told a story that was impossible and the judge knew it because his grandchildren go to the same school. Now whenever we go to Family court the judge swears him in before and reminds him of the charge of perjury.

 

[Proserpina]

Thank you all. A little more info: I filed for uncontested divorce myself about a year and a half ago on my own but the judge wanted a paternity test down on the baby he has with his "wife".That is why applied for the lawyer assistance. I did get a letter from the agency that supplies the free lawyer(I can not afford a lawyer) I should be hearing from a layer within a week) Based on my research, the way I read it even a commitment ceremony is still bigamy. I may be wrong.
What I have done so far is: I did call the town where it was held and they said it could be as long as 30 days for me to be sure of if it was "legal "(Marriage license) or not. I also called my children's guidance counselors and therapists and informed them of my children's father marrying as both our children are aware we are still married.( They are 14 and 17 years old) I hope that it does not affect my children's grades or behavior but this way the teachers can keep an eye out for any changes. Also so if my children bring up the topic in therapy the therapist can address any concerns my children may have.My children are not aware I know of the marriage. (I don't want to put them in the middle to "choose sides", so to speak)
Side note….. He is that stupid… he thinks he is above the law. When in the custody battle he tried to say I was stalking his girlfriend's children at their school. ( I was the previous year' s PTA president so everyone there knows me.) When questioned by the judge on how I was stalking them he told a story that was impossible and the judge knew it because his grandchildren go to the same school. Now whenever we go to Family court the judge swears him in before and reminds him of the charge of perjury.

You are incorrect. A commitment ceremony is not generally legally binding (it can be in very limited circumstances which do not apply here) and would not constitute bigamy in your situation.

And why the Judge in your divorce case ordered a paternity test on a child completely unrelated to the case is beyond me. He had no jurisdiction over either that child or the child's mother. But either way, it appears that bigamy is not the issue if a commitment ceremony is all that happened.

 

[Proserpina]

Possible, but they usually only allow service by publication, at least in my experience here in the midwest, when normal channels have failed. They would first try the personal service by process server or sheriff. Mainly, service by publication is a last resort for people who can't be located or homeless perhaps. And since her husband knows where she is by virtue of their children n it would be unlikely (but I never say never) to do publication service. That has been my experience so far. I'm not an attorney however have spent many years in support positions with various law firms.

It's good to see so many people who are behind you and hoping you get your divorce finally. (And if he gets his in the process, all the better). Still as far as the children are concerned, you sound like someone who would not try to use them for your own purposes which is the way it ought to be.

Good luck to ya! Maybe you can post a follow up if you like. Nice to know how things turn out.

Yeap, I'm familiar with how service works. Very familiar. SVP may happen more commonly than you'd think though - at least in the NE states (of which NY is one).

As for the rest of the post - I'm not going to speculate on whether Mom is or isn't the type of person who would use the kids for her own purposes. I'm a little too jaded

 

[KCGirl]

You are incorrect. A commitment ceremony is not generally legally binding (it can be in very limited circumstances which do not apply here) and would not constitute bigamy in your situation.

And why the Judge in your divorce case ordered a paternity test on a child completely unrelated to the case is beyond me. He had no jurisdiction over either that child or the child's mother. But either way, it appears that bigamy is not the issue if a commitment ceremony is all that happened.

I agree. The commitment ceremony is about on the same scale as giving a promise ring or I guess in my day, to a guy giving a girl his letter jacket. The only thing it could be used for possibly would be to maybe give credence or or show intent to some other issue that might come up or some other circumstance but its of dubious benefit. It's a social commitment and considering how little people honor the legal and/or religious ceremony of marriage as a comparison it would appear to be no big deal overall but there are always exceptions. I'm not saying its no big deal as far as the children are concerned I'm just saying that the legal significance is probably minor.

I too am puzzled why the paternity test unless possibly it had something to do with a child support amount for the two children he has with his wife. That's the only thing I can come up with as a possibility. Maybe someone else has some information I don't about why a paternity test might be relevant under the circumstances.



I'm not an attorney. During my years as legal support personnel I've had occasion to witness some interesting scenarios but as to ADVICE, I'm not qualified to give it.

 

[KCGirl]

Yeap, I'm familiar with how service works. Very familiar. SVP may happen more commonly than you'd think though - at least in the NE states (of which NY is one).

As for the rest of the post - I'm not going to speculate on whether Mom is or isn't the type of person who would use the kids for her own purposes. I'm a little too jaded

I wasn't really speculating, just my experience that the less demands put on the children its the best way to go under the circumstances. Not my business what anyone does really. None of my experience was gained outside the midwest so all my comments are made with that vantage point in mind.

Drawing on what I've seen previously sometimes people are so involved emotionally they forget the impact their actions might have on their kids. If I were to GUESS I'd say this lady seems quite aware and concerned for her children's welfare. But it would be arrogant of me to pass judgment on anyone, just a human-interest observation. No harm or offense intended.

 

[yoclark]

Ok apparently I interpreted it incorrectly. The grounds were cruel and inhuman treatment due to adultery. The paternity test was ordered to prove adultery. In NY it is very difficult without proof; pictures, video etc. My husband even admitted but the judge wanted proof (Which impregnating someone else clearly proves it)
As for the people doubting my actions..... I am very concerned about my children as their father had them lie about what they did and where they were while at the "wedding". It must be very confusing to them since they know we are still married.Though their therapists feel that we should take a wait and see approach.....Let them come to us so that is what I plan on doing. I feel sorry for the person who is so jaded that you can not fathom that some one does not have illicit intentions. But I do appreciate all your advice. Thank you.

 

[KCGirl]

Ok apparently I interpreted it incorrectly. The grounds were cruel and inhuman treatment due to adultery. The paternity test was ordered to prove adultery. In NY it is very difficult without proof; pictures, video etc. My husband even admitted but the judge wanted proof (Which impregnating someone else clearly proves it)
As for the people doubting my actions..... I am very concerned about my children as their father had them lie about what they did and where they were while at the "wedding". It must be very confusing to them since they know we are still married.Though their therapists feel that we should take a wait and see approach.....Let them come to us so that is what I plan on doing. I feel sorry for the person who is so jaded that you can not fathom that some one does not have illicit intentions. But I do appreciate all your advice. Thank you.

First of all, let me assure you, I was not questioning your commitment to your children. On the contrary (and I apologize if it didn't sound that way) was glad to see that you didn't appear to be using what has happened to poison any relationships.

It really is not my business, actually, to be making judgments about your parenting style and/or habits. I guess it is hard for me to separate my own feelings and observations as a mother from being reflected in what I say. But let me assure you I think you are doing a fine job in difficult circumstances. Forgive me if it seemed I was judging you.

I agree it has to be confusing to your children when their loyalties might be divided and certainly by being solicited by their father to practice deception on you.

I understand now I believe the reasons for the paternity test. If the baby turns out to be your husbands it will actually be used as evidence against him in that it proves he was engaged in "other" activity.

Getting back to your initial post, you asked what you should do now. Do you still have that question? It sounds as though (correct me if Im missing something) the judge is aware of the possibility of your husband's indiscretions and is following up on that as time and developments (like paternity tests) allow.

Since you've been notified you will be receiving legal assistance within a week it would seem you just need to wait to be contacted by the attorney and do whatever he/she advises if you feel it is what you want to do.

My one question is did you ever determine if it was a wedding ceremony of merely a commitment ceremony?

Anyway, since I'm not an attorney and since you seem to have one to represent you in very short order you more than likely don't have any other questions but if so ask and someone qualified should be able to give you helpful information.

Take care please, best of luck.