My husband is about to win full custody...will kids be forced to go with us?

J

jenbren2006

New Member
Jurisdiction
Colorado
After 5 years of court battles my husband is about to win full custody of his children with the possibility of supervised visits. His ex wife has severe borderline disorder with sociopathy and the judge has ruled that there has been severe alienation against my husband. The problem with him winning this is that his children hate both of us -due to the lies the ex has told them. I have a 12 year old daughter in our home. His oldest son is a big kid and he is 15 years old and has borderline as well. I believe he is a physical threat to our safety. In no way do I want these children in our home.
I am scared that somehow if we win full custody that the judge will "force" these children to come with us-they live in Colorado and we live in Washington. My husband was just there for five days over spring break and none of the three chose to see him at all. In my mind with this scenario is we win full custody and then the kids "choose" not to come with us and we don't enforce the issue. Is this even possible? Or will these children be forced into our home if we win?
 
jenbren2006 said:
will these children be forced into our home if we win?
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Of course.

What part of "full custody" didn't you understand?

What was the point of your husband seeking full custody if you don't want the children in your home?

jenbren2006 said:
In my mind with this scenario is we win full custody and then the kids "choose" not to come with us and we don't enforce the issue.
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So, your plan is to leave 3 kids, 15 and younger, out there on their own. No, that's not going to work because the state will take custody of the children and come right back at your husband for child support if not criminal prosecution for abandoning them.
 
adjusterjack said:
Of course.

What part of "full custody" didn't you understand?

What was the point of your husband seeking full custody if you don't want the children in your home?



So, your plan is to leave 3 kids, 15 and younger, out there on their own. No, that's not going to work because the state will take custody of the children and come right back at your husband for child support if not criminal prosecution for abandoning them.
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No-they would just refuse to leave their mother and would remain with her.... I believe you totally misunderstood my question. Please keep answers professional and without judgement. I am simply questioning if there is anyway the judge can physically force the children-one of whom is dangerous-into our home if we have full custody?
 
jenbren2006 said:
After 5 years of court battles my husband is about to win full custody of his children. . . . In no way do I want these children in our home.
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Ummm...what? You (i.e., your husband) spent five years fighting to get "full custody" of kids that you don't want to have living with you?

jenbren2006 said:
I am scared that somehow if we win full custody that the judge will "force" these children to come with us
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What exactly did you think "full custody" meant?

jenbren2006 said:
In my mind with this scenario is we win full custody and then the kids "choose" not to come with us and we don't enforce the issue. Is this even possible? Or will these children be forced into our home if we win?
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No one is going to force the kids into your home, but I can't even conceive why someone would spend five years and who knows how much money to get "full custody" of kids they don't want to have live with them.

jenbren2006 said:
I am simply questioning if there is anyway the judge can physically force the children-one of whom is dangerous-into our home if we have full custody?
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Physically force? Are you thinking the judge is going to come to your home and beat your door down?
 
zddoodah said:
Ummm...what? You (i.e., your husband) spent five years fighting to get "full custody" of kids that you don't want to have living with you?



What exactly did you think "full custody" meant?



No one is going to force the kids into your home, but I can't even conceive why someone would spend five years and who knows how much money to get "full custody" of kids they don't want to have live with them.



Physically force? Are you thinking the judge is going to come to your home and beat your door down?
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I'm done on here-as you people just wish to judge and harrass...
 
jenbren2006 said:
I'm done on here-as you people just wish to judge and harrass...
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What you are asking is not really clear. Were you supportive of your husband going for full custody? If not...is he aware of your concerns?

You stated that he was going to get full custody with supervised visits...can you clarify that a bit?
 
justblue said:
What you are asking is not really clear. Were you supportive of your husband going for full custody? If not...is he aware of your concerns?

You stated that he was going to get full custody with supervised visits...can you clarify that a bit?
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He is very aware of my concerns and they are his concerns too. He wants to do right by his kids and get them away from their mom. But he also is aware that if they are living in his home that it will be a living hell. Also a safety risk but he feels it is the right thing to do. We would love to get full custody and then we would get all of our child support back. I know it sounds evil and I'm sure everyone will judge me but you have no idea how much we've been through over 5 years with these children and the ex. The week of our honeymoon I was reported to CPS for "threatening" to hit his daughter for not setting the table-I've never even hit my own child let alone his! Everything was fabricated by the ex and the kids. I refused to risk losing my own child over a future false claim of child or sexual abuse!
We had a custody battle in January and we were lead to believe that if we didn't move to Colorado that the ex was going to get full custody. That wasn't what happened at all! The judge saw clearly how bad the alienation was and how much harm she is doing to the children. The judge implied to my husband that if he filed he would get full custody. We are praying for supervised visits for the ex but not sure he would get those. If those kids move here to Washington at that point all it will be is a messy transfer and a new court system here. He flew to Colorado over spring break and was there for five days. All three kids "refused" to see him. We are thinking that if he gets full custody he will show up at their door step and the kids will just refuse to go with him and stay with their mother. And that will be that. They are ages 12,14, and 15. What I would like to know is if we go through with court proceedings and get full custody-I am praying that they continue to stay with their mother-will the kids be forced to physically reside in our home? I believe if the kids chose to stay with their mother my husband would leave it alone and we wouldn't file anything to enforce our full custody at that point. I know it's confusing I feel like we are going into this blind and anything can happen.
I've also thought that if it comes to pass and we are forced to have the children in our home than we would live in separate residences. But even with child support back into our pocket I do not know how we could afford a mortgage and rent. It really seems like there is no happy ending for anyone in this situation-including his children-they just want to be with their mom who unfortunately is borderline and sociopathic.
 
What do you (and he) believe would be the value of having full custody if the children are not to live with you? What purpose would that custody serve?
 
cbg said:
What do you (and he) believe would be the value of having full custody if the children are not to live with you? What purpose would that custody serve?
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"We would love to get full custody and then we would get all of our child support back."

Sounds like OP is trying to get out of the dad having to pay child support, but not actually have the kids live with them. If their mom's home situation is so bad that dad wants full custody and is granted it with only supervised visits to the mom, I really feel for those poor kids.....
 
So the kids would live with Mom and Mom would pay 100% of the expenses while Dad would have all the custodial control.

Those poor kids. Sounds like the best possible thing for them would be foster care.
 
hrforme said:
"We would love to get full custody and then we would get all of our child support back."

Sounds like OP is trying to get out of the dad having to pay child support, but not actually have the kids live with them. If their mom's home situation is so bad that dad wants full custody and is granted it with only supervised visits to the mom, I really feel for those poor kids.....
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Like I said nothing but judgement...you don't know us-we are good honest christian people. I have lived with abuse my whole life from my father and mother and I'm sick of being abused and that includes the abuse his ex and children are inflicting on us. So yeah if you were in my position you would feel the same way. Don't be a jerk and just judge when you don't know anything about me. I would gladly pay child support to those kids we always have...however, they never contact him anymore and he never sees them. Our money is going to someone who is frauding medicaid and the system. So yes I would like our money back-judge as you will be you will be judged just as hard...
 
jenbren2006 said:
He is very aware of my concerns and they are his concerns too. He wants to do right by his kids and get them away from their mom. But he also is aware that if they are living in his home that it will be a living hell. Also a safety risk but he feels it is the right thing to do. We would love to get full custody and then we would get all of our child support back. I know it sounds evil and I'm sure everyone will judge me but you have no idea how much we've been through over 5 years with these children and the ex. The week of our honeymoon I was reported to CPS for "threatening" to hit his daughter for not setting the table-I've never even hit my own child let alone his! Everything was fabricated by the ex and the kids. I refused to risk losing my own child over a future false claim of child or sexual abuse!
We had a custody battle in January and we were lead to believe that if we didn't move to Colorado that the ex was going to get full custody. That wasn't what happened at all! The judge saw clearly how bad the alienation was and how much harm she is doing to the children. The judge implied to my husband that if he filed he would get full custody. We are praying for supervised visits for the ex but not sure he would get those. If those kids move here to Washington at that point all it will be is a messy transfer and a new court system here. He flew to Colorado over spring break and was there for five days. All three kids "refused" to see him. We are thinking that if he gets full custody he will show up at their door step and the kids will just refuse to go with him and stay with their mother. And that will be that. They are ages 12,14, and 15. What I would like to know is if we go through with court proceedings and get full custody-I am praying that they continue to stay with their mother-will the kids be forced to physically reside in our home? I believe if the kids chose to stay with their mother my husband would leave it alone and we wouldn't file anything to enforce our full custody at that point. I know it's confusing I feel like we are going into this blind and anything can happen.
I've also thought that if it comes to pass and we are forced to have the children in our home than we would live in separate residences. But even with child support back into our pocket I do not know how we could afford a mortgage and rent. It really seems like there is no happy ending for anyone in this situation-including his children-they just want to be with their mom who unfortunately is borderline and sociopathic.
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Your husband is not going to "get all his child support back". IF he is awarded primary custody his current order will end and the ex may (depending on facts not presented in this thread) be order to pay support. But what your hubby has already paid is not going beck into his pocket.

IF he is awarded custody and the children are not residing with him then whomever they are residing with can file for support. If mom is placed on supervised visitation and Dad allows the children to reside with her...don't be surprised if CPS becomes involved with your husband. Allowing CHILDREN to live with, per your words, a sociopath is endangering the children. ALLOWING CHILDREN to decide where they live is just...bizarre.

It's unfortunate that your hubby didn't seek therapeutic visitation long, long ago.
 
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cbg said:
So the kids would live with Mom and Mom would pay 100% of the expenses while Dad would have all the custodial control.

Those poor kids. Sounds like the best possible thing for them would be foster care.
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If that were to happen both Mom and Dad would have child support orders to pay for their care.
 
jenbren2006 said:
Like I said nothing but judgement...you don't know us-we are good honest christian people. I have lived with abuse my whole life from my father and mother and I'm sick of being abused and that includes the abuse his ex and children are inflicting on us. So yeah if you were in my position you would feel the same way. Don't be a jerk and just judge when you don't know anything about me. I would gladly pay child support to those kids we always have...however, they never contact him anymore and he never sees them. Our money is going to someone who is frauding medicaid and the system. So yes I would like our money back-judge as you will be you will be judged just as hard...
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We don't know you. We only know what you have posted. I do know that if I were in the same situation as your hubby...I would have insisted on therapy for the children a very long time ago along with a GAL. I also would have moved to the childrens town so that visitation would be regular.

Please understand that no one here is judging you...but I suspect they are rather shocked at your lack of Christian concern for these young children living with a mentally disturbed woman. Your, seeming, lack of concern for anything except the $$ is painful to view.
 
jenbren2006 said:
Or will these children be forced into our home if we win?
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The KIDS could be ordered by the court to live with their father (your husband) in WA.

If that happens and you dislike it, your only option would be to divorce the man.

But, you knew that, didn't you?

If you force a REAL father to choose the kids he has been FIGHTING to have in his life, to protect from a bad mother, well, you also KNOW how that will end, don't you?
 
army judge said:
The KIDS could be ordered by the court to live with their father (your husband) in WA.

If that happens and you dislike it, your only option would be to divorce the man.

But, you knew that, didn't you?

If you force a REAL father to choose the kids he has been FIGHTING to have in his life, to protect from a bad mother, well, you also KNOW how that will end, don't you?
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It gives me hope that it's not the Dad on here posting. ;)
 
There is no point in fighting for full custody of the children if the end result is not intended to be that they live with the parent with full custody. If you truly had "good honest Christian" concern it would be for the children, and getting them out of the situation they are in with their mentally unstable mother would be paramount. Instead, all this fight for custody would appear to be about is the money.

I'm trying not to be too judgmental here, but it doesn't look good from the outside. And for you to say "if you were in my position you would feel the same way", if you don't want to be judged because of assumptions we might make about your motives, then please don't make assumptions about how we would feel in that position. You might be surprised to find that there are many people out there, "good honest Christians" or not, whose first concern actually would be the children and not getting out from under the child support without having to actually care for the children.
 
justblue said:
It gives me hope that it's not the Dad on here posting. ;)
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I have never stood in your shoes.

I understand your position.

That said, you and he made certain vows when you married.

If you dislike your earnings going to support children you dislike, I understand, BUT you knew that possibility existed when you married the man.

Many things in our lives will end in a way that saddens us, but don't allow any of them to end in way that maddens us.

You don't have to stay married to anyone when you and he can't compromise or negotiate a solution.

I wish you well.

He has choices, and so do you.
 
shrinkmaster said:
You dont appear to have a legal problem but a Parenting and relationship issue. This site (thelaw.com one your on now) host such a parenting/relationship forum. "Judgement" (as you say) is FORBIDDEN there. You can seek no legal advice from your peers there link below

Parent Nook Forums - Index page
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Sometimes the truth is the best. Even if it hurts someone feelings. That is why this world is falling fast because everyone wants to hug and sing songs. This lady is clearly on a mission of something OTHER then these kids. Who doesn't know what having custody means?? They want custody but DON'T want the kids. She may want to spend some time in church........
 

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