Medicating my son without my consent

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crnfd14

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My jurisdiction is: Iowa

My ex-wife and I have joint custody of our two sons. My oldest son who is 12 is doing poorly in school and my ex recently called me to discuss putting him on medication to help him concentrate. I am against medicating children with needless drugs and feel he just needs to study more and be pushed harder in school along with a little extra help with his studies. I expressed to her that I am not ok with the possible harmful effects these drugs may cause not to mention the possible long term damage they could do to his liver. I suggested to her that if she was "tired" of trying to deal with this that he could come live with me and go to school where I live and I would help him. She became irrate at this idea and wouldn't consider it. I understand that taking him away from his school and friends would be tough on him. Well now I have come to find out that she has put him on medication without my consent and instructed him not to let me know. What can I do legally to keep her from feeding these drugs from my son?
 
crnfd14 said:
My jurisdiction is: Iowa

My ex-wife and I have joint custody of our two sons. My oldest son who is 12 is doing poorly in school and my ex recently called me to discuss putting him on medication to help him concentrate. I am against medicating children with needless drugs and feel he just needs to study more and be pushed harder in school along with a little extra help with his studies. I expressed to her that I am not ok with the possible harmful effects these drugs may cause not to mention the possible long term damage they could do to his liver. I suggested to her that if she was "tired" of trying to deal with this that he could come live with me and go to school where I live and I would help him. She became irrate at this idea and wouldn't consider it. I understand that taking him away from his school and friends would be tough on him. Well now I have come to find out that she has put him on medication without my consent and instructed him not to let me know. What can I do legally to keep her from feeding these drugs from my son?
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Have you spoken to his doctor and his teachers about this?
 
crnfd14 said:
My jurisdiction is: Iowa

My ex-wife and I have joint custody of our two sons. My oldest son who is 12 is doing poorly in school and my ex recently called me to discuss putting him on medication to help him concentrate. I am against medicating children with needless drugs and feel he just needs to study more and be pushed harder in school along with a little extra help with his studies. I expressed to her that I am not ok with the possible harmful effects these drugs may cause not to mention the possible long term damage they could do to his liver. I suggested to her that if she was "tired" of trying to deal with this that he could come live with me and go to school where I live and I would help him. She became irrate at this idea and wouldn't consider it. I understand that taking him away from his school and friends would be tough on him. Well now I have come to find out that she has put him on medication without my consent and instructed him not to let me know. What can I do legally to keep her from feeding these drugs from my son?
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What does the custody order state about legal decisions? Please quote it word for word...sans personal identifying information.
 
In cases of joint custody, when elective medical decisions cannot be reached jointly, it's your right to seek a second opinion as regards medicating your child--but the parent with physical custody is often given final say, as he/she is the one who must deal with the daily academic and behavioral frustrations of an unmedicated ADD/ADHD child.

I'm not a lawyer. All I can suggest is to seek that second opinion, and do some research on your own; you may be able to back up your wishes with factual information that could change your ex-spouse's opinion. Good luck!
 
KidsNurse said:
In cases of joint custody, when elective medical decisions cannot be reached jointly, it's your right to seek a second opinion as regards medicating your child--but the parent with physical custody is often given final say, as he/she is the one who must deal with the daily academic and behavioral frustrations of an unmedicated ADD/ADHD child.

I'm not a lawyer. All I can suggest is to seek that second opinion, and do some research on your own; you may be able to back up your wishes with factual information that could change your ex-spouse's opinion. Good luck!
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Nope. You are wrong. If LEGAL custody is joint then they (parents) need to take this to court, unless the custody states otherwise.
 
Quoting from Practitioner's Guide to Psychoactive Drugs For Children and Adolescents, edited by John S. Werry, M.D. and Michael G. Aman, Ph.D.:

In joint custody situations, both parents have an equal say in determining such matters as the religious training and medical treatment of the child. Day-to-day authority rests with the parent who has physical and legal custody. For example, in a joint custody situation, the parent with physical custody has the authority to control religious instruction. If the other parent has objections, he or she may intervene by turning to the court and showing that the child is at risk of substantial harm. Where divorced parents disagree over proposed medical treatment, the noncustodial parent has the right to suggest a physician for another opinion. (page 175)

I interpret the above to mean that if the OP wants his son off the meds, the OP must take the mother to court if he cannot change her mind--else, she is within her rights (as the parent with physical custody) to continue to administer the medication, even against his stated wishes.
 
crnfd14: Maybe try it on your own first?

Should've added, in my above reply to BayState, that--even if the OP chooses to go through the courts--odds are excellent [per case law] that the judge will side with custodial parent. Hence it's probably in OP's best interest to start with a dissenting medical opinion, and back up OP's own objections with well-researched proof.

And then try to reason with mom--without getting the courts involved! The book I quoted from has, in fact, some interesting case studies on what happens once the courts are involved in cases involving medication disputes between custodial parents. That's why I originally wished him luck. :)

Not a lawyer, simply opinionated.
 
KidsNurse said:
Should've added, in my above reply to BayState, that--even if the OP chooses to go through the courts--odds are excellent [per case law] that the judge will side with custodial parent. Hence it's probably in OP's best interest to start with a dissenting medical opinion, and back up OP's own objections with well-researched proof.

And then try to reason with mom--without getting the courts involved! The book I quoted from has, in fact, some interesting case studies on what happens once the courts are involved in cases involving medication disputes between custodial parents. That's why I originally wished him luck. :)

Not a lawyer, simply opinionated.
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How about posting some of that case law...For the OP's state.:)
 
Ok not siding with the other parent, but if a Doctor felt the medication needed its not "needless" unless your a Doctor you canno tmake that call. Bay is correct its about what court order says. Post it. If you go to court to argue this point the other parent will have the Doctor explain why. You cannot defend against this unless your a Doctor yourself. This is going to be an uphill fight. However much depends on what the court order says
 
Responding to BayState:

Off the top of my head this morn, all I can give you is Williams v Williams Iowa Court of Appeals case No. 7-659 / 07-0284. The court sided with the physically custodial parent (the father, as it happens) in deciding (again, as it happens) not to medicate the child, as the physically custodial parent felt it unnecessary.

Should the OP require more--or more specific--case law I'd be happy to do a little research on this.
 
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JacksGal: As I was endeavoring to explain to both BayState and the OP, this is one of those rare legal instances where the court pretty consistently says the same thing, state to state, decree to decree: in cases of joint legal custody, the parent with primary physical custody bears the onus (or is given the privilege, depending upon your point of view) of day-to-day medical decisions. Hence, when there is a conflict, the court has no reason to intervene, nor even to be aware of the problem.

If the parent without physical custody wishes for the court to become involved, it is therefore his/her responsibility to bring it to the court's attention. Which would likely end in nothing more than that party being ordered to pay all legal fees, while the child's daily life (including meds) goes on unchanged. :)

I am not attempting to discourage the OP; in fact, I personally believe that a well-crafted argument against the use (overuse, indiscriminate use--pick your own term) of stimulant medications could actually make an impression on the judge--perhaps even set a precedent!
 
You arguement may be valid but if there is an existing order in place (we still dont know) it stands until overruled. Yes Op can argue the use however the other parent can present evidence (Doctor) of the need for said medication. Its not the slam dunk your wording implies
 
I'm sorry, but I'm utterly confused by your response, jacksgal, as I am making no argument one way or the other; I am simply attempting to help OP understand current, generally recognized custody law, that's all. I do apologize for any misunderstanding I may have caused you as to my motives, though!
 
KidsNurse said:
Responding to BayState:

Off the top of my head this morn, all I can give you is Williams v Williams Iowa Court of Appeals case No. 7-659 / 07-0284. The court sided with the physically custodial parent (the father, as it happens) in deciding (again, as it happens) not to medicate the child, as the physically custodial parent felt it unnecessary.

Should the OP require more--or more specific--case law I'd be happy to do a little research on this.
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We seem to be on different pages. My contention in this thread is that IF the parents have joint legal custody and if the parents can't agree on medication, then it needs to go to mediation. You stated that I was wrong both here, on the thread, and on my profile. You sited a medical source, which is irrelevant to a custody issue as we are not questioning whether or not a Doctor would grant the medication.You have also sited a case law that, for the life of me, I can't understand how it "proves" me wrong.
:confused:
And of course this is all just for "grins "n giggles" as OP never has returned to let us know how his custody order reads in regards to LEGAL (decision making) custody.:)

With that being said I stand by my opinion that IF they have JL without CP having final say (pretty standard) then OP would have to take this to court. CP would be in contempt, although the Judge may consider it in the child's best interest to stay on the medication depending on the medical evidence CP provides the court.
 
Different pages, indeed! That medicolegal source I quoted made my only point here--if OP wants the med issue changed, it is his responsibility to attempt to make it happen. And his chances, historically, are not good. In my opinion. That's all. But I never said--nor felt--anything as sweeping and authoritarian as "you are wrong."

Ah, well. Situations like this are what "agreeing to disagree" is for, no? :)
 
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