Married in California and is time for a divorce but she lives in Arizona.

Javi77

New Member
Jurisdiction
California
Hi everyone, after 2plus years of living separately we both have decided to get divorced this year we both agree on 50/50 child custody. There is no valuables (cars, houses, property or bills to split. We do have 3 children. Other than that we both agree to just terminate our marriage in a peaceful and none legal stress battle. What would be the best way to do the divorce process ourselves without an attorney involved since she now lives in Arizona with our children and I still live in California (the state we got married).




Thanks in advanced
 
Hi everyone, after 2plus years of living separately we both have decided to get divorced this year we both agree on 50/50 child custody. There is no valuables (cars, houses, property or bills to split. We do have 3 children. Other than that we both agree to just terminate our marriage in a peaceful and none legal stress battle. What would be the best way to do the divorce process ourselves without an attorney involved since she now lives in Arizona with our children and I still live in California (the state we got married).




Thanks in advanced


.Please define what 50/50 custody means to you? How old are the children? What state is the divorce being filed in? How is transportation cost going to be handled? Did mom have your permission to move the children to Arizona? How long ago did she move there?

The best way to "do the divorce" is by each of you having an attorney to look out for your best interest.
 
Other than that we both agree to just terminate our marriage in a peaceful and non legal stress battle.

Good luck with that.

Do the children live with her and go to school in AZ? Hold are they?

What county is she in?

Have you been paying child support at an agreed amount since your separation and will you continue to do so in the future?

What arrangements are in place now for you to see the children?

Answer all those questions and I'll have some helpful comments.
 
Good luck with that.

Do the children live with her and go to school in AZ? Hold are they?

What county is she in?

Have you been paying child support at an agreed amount since your separation and will you continue to do so in the future?

What arrangements are in place now for you to see the children?

Answer all those questions and I'll have some helpful comments.


Thanks for your guy's reply. Yes the children live with her and go to school there and yes I have been giving child support since our separation.

Ages: 16, 7, 4

They live in Phoenix.

Our current agreement is as follows:
3 years the kids stay with mom and I visit them as much as I can, so far I have been there 5 times. (Birthdays and or holidays) while paying child support.

So this year in the summer is my turn to have the kids for 3 years and her visiting here in California and paying child support.


So now I don't know if a divorce will be a better move or make things stressful and or complicated. We both don't want attorneys to handle this situation but again I am not very knowledgeable when it comes to this matter.

I am willing to move to Phoenix if necessary but only with the condition that we share equal custody.

Also she has a criminal record of domestic violence. Myself been the victim. Again I don't want to use this as leverage but I rather see my options when it comes to this matter in getting a divorce or stay as is with our current agreement.


Thanks again
 
Thanks for your guy's reply. Yes the children live with her and go to school there and yes I have been giving child support since our separation.

Ages: 16, 7, 4

They live in Phoenix.

Our current agreement is as follows:
3 years the kids stay with mom and I visit them as much as I can, so far I have been there 5 times. (Birthdays and or holidays) while paying child support.

So this year in the summer is my turn to have the kids for 3 years and her visiting here in California and paying child support.


So now I don't know if a divorce will be a better move or make things stressful and or complicated. We both don't want attorneys to handle this situation but again I am not very knowledgeable when it comes to this matter.

I am willing to move to Phoenix if necessary but only with the condition that we share equal custody.

Also she has a criminal record of domestic violence. Myself been the victim. Again I don't want to use this as leverage but I rather see my options when it comes to this matter in getting a divorce or stay as is with our current agreement.


Thanks again
You and Mom think moving the children every three years is a good parenting plan?
 
Thanks for answering my questions Javi77.

It has been working for everyone involved so yes it is!

No, it hasn't. You've been separated for less than three years so your three years hasn't arrived yet so you have no idea if that's even going to happen.

I suggest you wait until summer and see if the relocating of the children and reversal of child support actually comes about.

Frankly, I think that you are very naive if you expect your wife and children to go along with that kind of upheaval of their lives and I predict a monumental amount of resistance when the time comes, enough of a resistance that you do end up with lawyers and court with the end result that Mom and the kids stay put and you get periodic visitation and still pay child support.

I am willing to move to Phoenix if necessary but only with the condition that we share equal custody.

As long as you are willing and financially able to move to Phoenix I suggest you do just that, without discussing "conditions." Just relocate and then the issue of where Mom and kids live becomes a non-issue.
 
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And you can bet that the 16 year old high schooler isn't going to want to have anything to do with it.
S/he has pretty much aged out. But the little ones are looking at 3/4 + exchanges. Every 3 years having to make new friends...and every 3 years having to say good bye.

Now if either mom or dad were willing to move to the other parents town...a 50/50 like that could work.
 
What would be the best way to do the divorce process ourselves without an attorney involved since she now lives in Arizona with our children and I still live in California

I don't really understand the question. There is only one way to terminate a marriage: by filing for divorce. You're free not to hire attorneys, but that risks making the process take longer because you're likely to make several mistakes because you (presumably) don't know anything about civil/family law procedure.

Our current agreement is as follows:
3 years the kids stay with mom and I visit them as much as I can, so far I have been there 5 times. (Birthdays and or holidays) while paying child support.

So this year in the summer is my turn to have the kids for 3 years and her visiting here in California and paying child support.

What? Your plan is to uproot the kids from their lives every three years?! Sorry, but that's terrible parenting. It's one thing if one or both parents are in the military and being uprooted is something unavoidable, but to intentionally implement a system that mandates regularly being uprooted is just cruel.

So now I don't know if a divorce will be a better move or make things stressful and or complicated.

Huh?

We both don't want attorneys to handle this situation

Why?

It has been working for everyone involved so yes it is!

Well...your told us in your original post that you've only been separated for two years, so how could you know if your "uproot the kids every three years" plan will work? What do you suppose will happen in, e.g., 6 years when your now-7-year old is 13 and has a boy/girlfriend and is on a local school or club sports team and would rather throw him/herself into the Grand Canyon than move away?
 
I don't really understand the question. There is only one way to terminate a marriage: by filing for divorce. You're free not to hire attorneys, but that risks making the process take longer because you're likely to make several mistakes because you (presumably) don't know anything about civil/family law procedure.



What? Your plan is to uproot the kids from their lives every three years?! Sorry, but that's terrible parenting. It's one thing if one or both parents are in the military and being uprooted is something unavoidable, but to intentionally implement a system that mandates regularly being uprooted is just cruel.



Huh?



Why?



Well...your told us in your original post that you've only been separated for two years, so how could you know if your "uproot the kids every three years" plan will work? What do you suppose will happen in, e.g., 6 years when your now-7-year old is 13 and has a boy/girlfriend and is on a local school or club sports team and would rather throw him/herself into the Grand Canyon than move away?


Well I guess you know my Life ending story as well? I'll make sure to keep you up to date. It might help you understand my original post in the near future better and my relationship with my kids is stronger of what you and others might think.

stay tuned!


Thanks anyway for your long breakdown reply.
 
Hi everyone, after 2plus years of living separately we both have decided to get divorced this year we both agree on 50/50 child custody. There is no valuables (cars, houses, property or bills to split. We do have 3 children. Other than that we both agree to just terminate our marriage in a peaceful and none legal stress battle. What would be the best way to do the divorce process ourselves without an attorney involved since she now lives in Arizona with our children and I still live in California (the state we got married).

You can do that. Based on your difficulties with the English language, you should hire a lawyer to write up your strange agreement in a format that would be legally acceptable.

I will only observe that if you could interact amicably, you might still be under one roof.

Also she has a criminal record of domestic violence. Myself been the victim. Again I don't want to use this as leverage but I rather see my options when it comes to this matter in getting a divorce or stay as is with our current agreement.

Nope. It gives you less than no leverage.

You agreed that she could take the children. So, either you think she's not violent, or you're a heartless negligent parent and coward who is protecting himself while leaving his young children in danger.

Well I guess you know my Life ending story as well? I'll make sure to keep you up to date. It might help you understand my original post in the near future better and my relationship with my kids is stronger of what you and others might think.

You are delusional.

You've seen them 5 times in 2 years. You barely know them.

And if your wife has transferred the focus of her alleged violent tendencies to the only available domestic targets - the children - your abandonment of the children to such a fate is a gross betrayal of any trust they had in you.
 
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