I believe my brother molested my daughter

[MrsAMA]

My daughter is 3, and my brother is 47. My brother has a history of drug abuse, and has been in and out of prison for the majority of his adult life. He currently doesn't hold down a job, he's still injecting heroin and lives with my dad.

My husband and I used to live in TX and we believe he molested our daughter. She only spent one night at my dad's house, and my dad was given instructions for our daughter not to be left alone with my brother just bc of his drug use, and violent behavior. After that night our daughter started acting strange. She would scream and cry when we'd undress her, she wet the bed twice, she'd wake up in the middle of the night screaming and crying and would be inconsolable. Lastly, around her vagina was red the night she came home. Now she a rash on rear that has spread, and turned into what looks like herpes. We took her to her pediatrician who prescribed two different topicals and a strong antibiotic. We gave her all of it but the "rash" never got better, it just got worse. We took her back and they drew blood for STD's. We haven't received the results back yet.

We did contact the police, and spoke to a Detective. He told us the next step is for our daughter to see a Forensic Child Psychologist. Depending on their findings they will then issue a warrant. The problem is, is that our daughter has a speech delay so she can't really tell us what happened. We obviously want to press charges, and sue for the medical bills that we're encountering. Is that possible?

I also forgot...we have a picture from that night she slept over. It's of our daughter naked rear end up in the air in the bath tub. My brother is in the picture. My dad took the picture and sent it to my husband and I bc he thought is was "cute." My dad also later confessed he did not respect our wishes and he did leave her alone with my brother. I believe she slept with him in his room, but I'm not quite sure. Also a few nights after she slept over my husband was watching tv with our daughter on the couch and out of the blue she grabbed his private area knowing full well what she was doing. We've never been naked in front of our daughter, never had sex in front of her and certainly haven't taught her what's down there. Do you think we have a strong case to put my brother away?

 

[Proserpina]

Unfortunately, no. Sex offenses are notoriously difficult to successfully prosecute and your daughter's age won't help, either.

Children - even small children - are curious things. It's actually considered normal for a child to ... well, see what's "down there". A 3 year old generally doesn't have intent, either.

All you can do at this point is wait for the FCP's report.

 

[MrsAMA]

Thank you! We're praying that she doesn't have anything, but her pediatrician believes otherwise. But, thank you again for your reply.

 

[Proserpina]

I do wish you the absolute best of luck.

 

[army judge]

Thank you! We're praying that she doesn't have anything, but her pediatrician believes otherwise. But, thank you again for your reply.

My heart goes out to you.

I suggest you do whatever it takes to see that the culprit is arrested and prosecuted.

Don't worry about how well your daughter communicates, the experts have ways of communicating with her.

But, the most important thing is to see that the dear, little angel receives medical and psychological care.

You sound like great parents, so do the best you can.

But, if you have a choice for the child to heal, or the heel to be prosecuted, make sure the child gets healed.

The heel will get his sooner or later!

 

[Betty3]

Agree that it is really hard to prosecute a sex offense against a child & your child is only 3 (that young age makes it harder) & she has a speech delay. You almost need a witness to help get the offender prosecuted when a young child is involved. I hope your little girl is ok - you can only hold for psychologist's report & blood work report at this time & then go from there. Good luck to you & your little girl.

 

[MrsAMA]

Thank you, army judge. All my husband and I have said all along is that we won't stop until justice is served for our daughter. We plan on putting her on therapy once the Forensic Psychologist runs their evaluation.

 

[Proserpina]

I'd guess that the other responders would agree that child abuse of this nature is terrifically frustrating; on the one hand it's appalling and tragic and the child (and the parents) needs every bit of help.

But on the other hand, we can't put folk in prison without a good reason for doing so.

I do have another suggestion though. If she does turn out to have herpes, try to persuade the DA to issue a warrant to get your brother tested too - these days we can actually identify specific strains even to the point of pinning down a common denominator between Patient X and his/her victims.

 

[Betty3]

Good post/suggestion, Proserpina.

 

[MrsAMA]

I agree. We left a voicemail on the Detective assigned to the case's phone stating we had her tested, the results weren't back yet but that her pediatrician believes she was sexually abused and we have kept all the papers. We've kept everything. But, back to what I was saying, they told us if she turns out to test positive for an STD that they will make my brother and my dad test bc she was around them both. We explained to her pediatrician that she could test my husband and I all day if they wanted. We have nothing to hide. Like I said before, we're an emotional wreck over all this and we will stop at nothing to see justice served for our daughter. We, as her parents, and the law have to be her voice. I'm not trying to put him away because of animosity. I want him put away bc I believe without a shadow of a doubt that he molested her.

When people ask me why I'd want him in jail bc he's my brother, or they could never imagine him doing such a thing I always respond with the same answer. This is the same man who spent 5 yrs in prison for a violent crime, and he's on drugs to boot. Who knows what someone can do when they're loaded on heroin like he is.

 

[army judge]

I agree. We left a voicemail on the Detective assigned to the case's phone stating we had her tested, the results weren't back yet but that her pediatrician believes she was sexually abused and we have kept all the papers. We've kept everything. But, back to what I was saying, they told us if she turns out to test positive for an STD that they will make my brother and my dad test bc she was around them both. We explained to her pediatrician that she could test my husband and I all day if they wanted. We have nothing to hide. Like I said before, we're an emotional wreck over all this and we will stop at nothing to see justice served for our daughter. We, as her parents, and the law have to be her voice. I'm not trying to put him away because of animosity. I want him put away bc I believe without a shadow of a doubt that he molested her.

When people ask me why I'd want him in jail bc he's my brother, or they could never imagine him doing such a thing I always respond with the same answer. This is the same man who spent 5 yrs in prison for a violent crime, and he's on drugs to boot. Who knows what someone can do when they're loaded on heroin like he is.

You're doing everything the right way, madam.
I admire your courage.
I applaud you standing up for your baby.
You're not alone, remember that.
Justice isn't about retribution, punishment, or spite.
I understand you want this investigated.
Let the evidence finger the culprit(s).
In the meantime, you're dong everything you can to help your baby.
God bless your baby, you, and your husband.

 

[CdwJava]

How long ago did this supposedly occur? Symptoms and time frames of whatever the ailment is can work for or against any prosecution.

Let me reiterate what has been said: These are not easy things to prosecute even if a doctor believes that molestation might have occurred. Note, that a doctor is unlikely to ever state that molestation DID occur, only that some observations were "consistent" with some form of penetration or another. PROVING beyond a reasonable doubt that the brother did it can be difficult. And, there is a better than even chance that molestation did not happen. I cannot begin to tell you how many similar circumstances I have investigated that have turned out NOT to be molestation, but incidents of allergies, reactions to soap, rashes, or caused by other means and not from a perpetrator - even when initially believed to be consistent with digital or other penetration. (And some STDs can be transmitted by means other than penal penetration or a criminal act.) And, I have seen a number of innocent men ruined by such rushes to accuse ... once the accusation is out there, it's as good as a guilty verdict for many.

Single incident molestation is rare. If your brother did molest her, she will almost certainly not have been the only victim. If there are other victims, the case gets easier to solve. If there are not other identified victims, the case becomes nearly impossible absent some very damning forensic evidence, an eyewitness, or a confession - any of which might possible if it happened.

None of this is to say that you should not keep up with the doctors and the investigator in Texas. But, do not lay all your hopes on a prosecution even if molestation is believed to have occurred. Believing that it occurred and proving it are different things entirely, and taking a case to trial that cannot be won is not generally going to be done. Often, the state will sit and wait as they have time to pursue prosecution, and as time goes on the suspect might slip up and admit to his act, commit a similar offense (God forbid), or some other act might make the case tighter. So, don't leap to conclusions just, yet, and don't assume that all because the doctor and maybe even the detective believe your brother is good for it that he will be prosecuted or convicted. There's a whole lot to do before this stands a chance of getting before a court.