High conflict mother

J

Jordan Burk

New Member
Jurisdiction
California
My fiancee and I are dealing with either a narcissist or a sociopath. Yes, we are asking for majority of the school year to send my step son to an amazing school but we are doing everything in our power to make up that lost time for her with any and all free time. She has agreed to let him go, this is the second time and the first time she told my step son she changed her mind and broke his heart. Now he is super excited she said he could go again. School starts in 2 weeks and she still hasnt signed the paperwork. I'm considering filing a request for order and suggesting to the judge we do a temporary order until our court hearing in Nov. My only concern is that our judge is very lets say temperamental and I dont want to do anything to set her off or end up on her bad side. But this kid needs to go to school... uuuuggghhhhh....
 
Jordan Burk said:
My fiancee and I are dealing with either a narcissist or a sociopath. Yes, we are asking for majority of the school year to send my step son to an amazing school but we are doing everything in our power to make up that lost time for her with any and all free time. She has agreed to let him go, this is the second time and the first time she told my step son she changed her mind and broke his heart. Now he is super excited she said he could go again. School starts in 2 weeks and she still hasnt signed the paperwork. I'm considering filing a request for order and suggesting to the judge we do a temporary order until our court hearing in Nov. My only concern is that our judge is very lets say temperamental and I dont want to do anything to set her off or end up on her bad side. But this kid needs to go to school... uuuuggghhhhh....
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And how is any of this your business?
 
sandyeggo said:
And how is any of this your business?
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Legally speaking it's not. Emotionally speaking I've been his step mom for more than half his life. I care for him, educate him, and love him. You don't need to agree with our "family" and you don't need to respond if you're not going to be helpful. I spend every waking moment thinking about this case and about this sweet boy and all I, we, want is the best for him. I pay for a great lawyer and I'll be paying for his private education. I am in no way trying to take him away from his mother, we want them to have a strong and loving relationship that is why we are giving her as much non school time as possible. We just want to provide him with an exceptional education. It is also a school that my step son wants to attend and his mother has told he could only to change her mind and tell him never mind he can't more than once. This is my business because I have busted my ass on this case, pushed myself to mental limits I didn't know were possible, and have comforted my distressed step son when his mom pulls this shit on him while biting my tongue so I don't say how I really feel about her but instead affirm a positive image in his sweet young mind of his mother. Again, legally I am nothing. In every way possible I am the fucking world and some asshole who wants to make a smartass remark won't change that.

What I really would appreciate is if someone could give me some sound advice on ways to proceed and be helpful. You have no idea what's going on in someone's life and if they're reaching out for help the compassionate thing to do is help not be sarcastic. I truly hope you have a great day and if I hear from you again I would like to think it would be positive, but if it is not I will not be responding to negative comments.
 
Jordan Burk said:
I'm considering filing a request for order and suggesting to the judge we do a temporary order until our court hearing in Nov. My only concern is that our judge is very lets say temperamental and I dont want to do anything to set her off or end up on her bad side. But this kid needs to go to school... uuuuggghhhhh....
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Yeah, judges tend to get upset when non-attorneys commit the crime of unlawful practice of law. They're just weird that way.
 
Jordan Burk said:
My fiancee and I are dealing with either a narcissist or a sociopath. Yes, we are asking for majority of the school year to send my step son to an amazing school but we are doing everything in our power to make up that lost time for her with any and all free time. She has agreed to let him go, this is the second time and the first time she told my step son she changed her mind and broke his heart. Now he is super excited she said he could go again. School starts in 2 weeks and she still hasnt signed the paperwork. I'm considering filing a request for order and suggesting to the judge we do a temporary order until our court hearing in Nov. My only concern is that our judge is very lets say temperamental and I dont want to do anything to set her off or end up on her bad side. But this kid needs to go to school... uuuuggghhhhh....
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Do you have a PhD after your name? No? Then you should stop tossing around psychological diagnoses. You are way over-involved and overstepping in the co-parenting relationship. So much so that if Mom is smart she will seek a court order preventing 3rd party interference.
 
" we are asking for majority of the school year " and "we are giving her" -- you aren't giving her anything but taking a lot!! This is HER child and your fiancee's. You want to make yourself out as the good person and her as the bad because you can afford something she cannot. Do you live near enough to pay for this school but to allow HER child to keep living with HER? If so, that would be truly in the child's best interest and I would applaud you for being willing to do so because you love this child and the dad so much!
 
Since this apparently is not your child, there is no "we" in this situation, and you have no standing to file anything.

Also, you didn't ask a question. Do you have one?

As far as your request for "advice on ways to proceed," I note that you told us that you/your fiance have a lawyer, so I'm not sure what information you're seeking from the anonymous strangers who post here. I also suggest you review the disclaimer at the bottom of every page at this site.
 
Jordan Burk said:
Legally speaking it's not
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That is all you need to know.

If you aren't involved legally, stay as far away from this looming disaster as you can.
 
Jordan Burk said:
My fiancee and I are dealing with either a narcissist or a sociopath. Yes, we are asking for majority of the school year to send my step son to an amazing school but we are doing everything in our power to make up that lost time for her with any and all free time. She has agreed to let him go, this is the second time and the first time she told my step son she changed her mind and broke his heart. Now he is super excited she said he could go again. School starts in 2 weeks and she still hasnt signed the paperwork. I'm considering filing a request for order and suggesting to the judge we do a temporary order until our court hearing in Nov. My only concern is that our judge is very lets say temperamental and I dont want to do anything to set her off or end up on her bad side. But this kid needs to go to school... uuuuggghhhhh....
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What's the question here? Or legal issue?

Well you can't file anything unless you are the parent. Since you said "stepson" you aren't the parent and you aren't even a stepparent since you said "fiancé and I" so you legally cannot file anything. At all. Even as a stepparent. The parent can do something if that person wishes to file anything. You can pay for lawyers that's about it. Legally you're a stranger. (I was a stepparent so before you try to say anything about it).
 
Jordan Burk said:
Legally speaking it's not. Emotionally speaking I've been his step mom for more than half his life. I care for him, educate him, and love him. You don't need to agree with our "family" and you don't need to respond if you're not going to be helpful. I spend every waking moment thinking about this case and about this sweet boy and all I, we, want is the best for him. I pay for a great lawyer and I'll be paying for his private education. I am in no way trying to take him away from his mother, we want them to have a strong and loving relationship that is why we are giving her as much non school time as possible. We just want to provide him with an exceptional education. It is also a school that my step son wants to attend and his mother has told he could only to change her mind and tell him never mind he can't more than once. This is my business because I have busted my ass on this case, pushed myself to mental limits I didn't know were possible, and have comforted my distressed step son when his mom pulls this shit on him while biting my tongue so I don't say how I really feel about her but instead affirm a positive image in his sweet young mind of his mother. Again, legally I am nothing. In every way possible I am the fucking world and some asshole who wants to make a smartass remark won't change that.

What I really would appreciate is if someone could give me some sound advice on ways to proceed and be helpful. You have no idea what's going on in someone's life and if they're reaching out for help the compassionate thing to do is help not be sarcastic. I truly hope you have a great day and if I hear from you again I would like to think it would be positive, but if it is not I will not be responding to negative comments.
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But again, legally, you can't do anything about it. I get it I was there. My ex husband's first wife used to be a psycho. She would do anything she could to keep the kids from him while he was with me until we got married. She was in contempt at a point telling him no visitation until child support was paid and so I started to pay it to see the kids. But legally, I couldn't do anything. He had to file things. And he was lazy so he didn't.

But I was there when my ex's other ex would make their daughter cry pulling her into custody issues and I did get to a point I said something to her because making your kid deal with adult issues is bs. But I usually kept quiet and toed that line of being a stepmom.

The legal answer to your issues is that your significant other has to be the one to file things or to go to court. YOU can't do anything legally.
 

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