help with custody battle between my mother and I

Status
Not open for further replies.
H

hharden25

New Member
long story short... I gave my mother temporary guardianship when my son was 8 months old. I did this because I had some rather severe issues with post partum depression. The guardianship was only supposed to last for two years. During that two years my mother and I constantly fought over things. She would let me move in with her to be close to my son on a daily basis and be involved in his many doctors and therapy appointments as he was developmentally behind his peers. there were thoughts that he could be autistic at the time. once I would get close to my son and he would get used to me being there every day then she would find some reason to kick me out of her house. knowing that I didn't have a stable place to go at the time and claim that I was causing more issues with my son than helping. Which was not true. She did this multiple times over the course of those two years. When we went to court for the guardianship to be terminated The judge didn't let anyone but her talk because she was the one that had filed for the hearing. During that time they assigned a guardian ad lidum to the case. She continued to go through and interview everyone in my sons life. she went to everyones house and made assessments but she did not come to mine. she only contacted me by phone and did only one phone interview with me. I do agree that at that time I did not have the resources available to have him. And because of that Full custody was awarded to her. She is in charge of when and where and how long I can see him. I know I still have my parental rights, and have paid child support for him since that court date. this was a little after his 2nd birthday. Since then I have always been in a safe house that he would have his own room in, I have kept full time employment with the exception of a small time period. I have had all reliable means of transportation. For about a year I lived in her house with my son and her new husband. and she asked me to lie and say that her address was only a mailing address, which can make me look bad in future court dates. He is almost 5 in april. This last time I lived with her was this last year 2012-2013 and then she just decided one day that it was time for me to move out. I then again made sure that I found adequate housing that was safe for him to be at. in June of 2013 I met my now fiancé. I have since been living in his house where my son has his own room, toys, and we both make enough to make sure he would have plenty to eat and a good bed to sleep on. I have offered many times to help with transportation to and from day care. Ive asked to participate in school functions that his pre school has held. I have offered to give her a break, ive offered to help while she had surgery even. All attempts were turned down and she would ask another relative to help. I guess my questions are what are my rights as his mother even though im not his custodial parent, and also what should my next steps should be towards A: getting more visitations and rights towards him acknowledged and B: what are my next steps towards getting full custody back from her??
 
Successfully take on the adult responsibility of being able to provide your own food clothing and shelter. After you manage for a year or two file again. The fact you have found housing based on someone else's work is no more favorable than if you had your son and filed for HUD.
 
i do take on that responsibility. i am constantly prepared, waiting for the one chance that she will actually say yes to one of my offers of having my son with me. But so far all have been rejected. i guess i just wonder if i were to at least take her back to court to see if they would at least allow me to have court ordered overnights or weekends with me. since i have all the necessary accommodations for him. but at the same time i want this to happen as peacefully as possible. I would love for it to all be her idea and just decide to give him back but over the last 4 years i know that simply is not going to happen. i have to go about it kind of delicately with her. Because since she is my mother i dont want to lose the little bit of relationship i do have left with her. I suppose im just torn on what i need to do.
 
That's nice but judges want empirical evidence. This is hypothetical, if your mom was going to be reasonable. You need to independently uphold a living based on what not your.mother isn't doing, but what you could be.
 
You are nowhere near being self sufficient or prepared. You were living off mom and dad and moved on to living off some guy.
 
I understand. Would I need to show proof of everything in court? Or as much proof as possible anyhow? Also, once i could show proof of that would that make my chances of winning custody better? Another question, lets say hypothetically this all works out in my favor. Once i had full custody of him, since im the only parent involved. His father isnt at all. Would my mother ever have the opportunity to file for custody against me again as she is his grandparent and not a biological parent?
 
Show you can support yourself and the child without someone else paying the bills for a few years and you might be slowly able to regain custody.
 
im not living off some guy... i, he, and our housemate all split every bill including rent three ways. i support myself and my son. my fiance yes he helps but he has also been involved in my son's life and treats him as if he is his own son. so what would be wrong with both of us being his parents? I geuss thats a part i just dont understand. so, just because im trying to get custody of my son back means that i dont have the right to have a family or be happy?
 
Yes you need to make your case, strong. Disagreeable is right. Despite your good fortune, the idea of your main support system not being built by yourself is not a liked idea in cases
 
Nope, the fact you cannot even provide for yourself solo proves you do not have the parenting ability and responsibility to receive custody.
 
The court just wants to be able to see that your boy has a stable environment to grow in. Since you have been struggling, they will be wary of your solidity. You can't convince them otherwise except for showing that you have been in the stable state for a prolonged period,. Not by talking, but by simply waiting. Or prove to them that you are capable of remaining rational and level headed when met with discord (if you did split with this man). You don't have to prove to them something you can/should show them
 
I suppose ill never fully understand. I wasnt on any kind of drugs. ever. i never put him in any kind of danger, he was never in any kind of abuse situation. i see these dead beat moms that get their kids back and get to keep their kids all the time only to use them as a welfare check, or i see a lot of women that cant have kids at all. But im here and trying my hardest and have been for 4 years to take back signing that one paper that started all this. just to find out that its not good enough. and in order to be good enough then i am forced to be alone and not try to have a family of my own or some kind of hope to have a strong loving family including her. she even approves of my fiance. she agrees with every choice we have made. she wants My fiance in his life just as much as i do and just as much as he wants to be in my sons life. wouldnt that have a say in anything?
 
That makes sense completely. And i can do that. I just get worried. that at some point itll be too late and ill be out of time to show them.
 
part of me keeps praying that I have enough to show that and praying that she will see how much he needs me and i need him. I hope that she knows that after everything she deserves to have her own life too. she just got married and i just want her to be able to enjoy herself and not stress so much. Part of me thinks she knows it but its easier said than done to admit things like that. Also now that hes older He asks so many questions and doesnt understand. He told me he was sorry and broke down one night when i was there because he thought it was his fault that i couldnt be there with him anymore. It was one of the hardest things ive ever had to go through to have to explain to my 4 year old that it wasnt his fault or anybodies. that sometimes people just couldnt be together when they want to and they just have to be patient and wait until its the right time to be together. He doesnt understand when i have to tell him that mommy cant come to see him. and i cant tell him the truth and tell him because grandma said no. i have to lie and tell him that i had to work or the weather was too bad. because i cant bad mouth her to him any more then she could me. its just very difficult for everyone involved. him especially. And its a hard thing for me to go through as a mom because its my natural instinct to fix it for him. He's 4. he shouldnt have to hurt this way. and i cant do anything at all to take that pain away for him and it breaks my heart. so i just was trying to see what i could do to try to help ease that pain a little for him. to be able to be there and take away his fears like a mommy should. Thank you both for your advise. its definitely given me a lot to think about.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Share this page

Get a free case review from a lawyer
Back
Top