Family Law child custody

[Joslin]

Jurisdiction

Florida

A quick summary of a complicated situation is that we are an unmarried couple with a minor daughter of 11. The relationship has been racked with alcoholism, emotional abuse and financial control for some time. Recently threat of physical harm to myself , my daughter and even our family dog have been added to the mix. He has repeatedly threatened to throw us out. He is progressively getting more aggressive and is having rage fits where he says awful things, throws things and tries to intimidate myself and my daughter. To make matters worse my daughter has been having health problems related to not being able to sleep and nausea attacks. Her doctor has prescribed medication for a developing stomach ulcer and suggested she see a therapist for her anxiety. I feel we have to either leave or get him out of the house.

I absolutely do not have any place to go without taking her out of school which I know I cannot do without enrolling her in another which would have to be out of the area. He has total control of all money. The house is in his name and the only thing that I have that says we belong her is a contract I had him sign 5 years ago when he asked me to allow my house to go to foreclosure after a pay cut so that we could still afford this one. It is a legal zoom form with a statement that I would be added to the deed and a letter of financial responsibility or refinancing would take place at that time in both our names. It also states that regardless of all other circumstance that I would have use of the house. It is signed by him , however not witnessed or notarized. He has refused to follow thru with the deed as promised.

My only source of income is a small online business I run from home which is not enough to sustain independent living. I have no doubt I can get on my feet to obtain my own living arrangements, I just need to know if a police office or court would recognize this contract and if so what length of time would I possibly hope for.

My main concern is my daughters safety (and mine) and general well being. I am considering trying to get a temporary restraining order on Monday but am afraid it would not be granted as he has not yet actually physically harmed us. I do not want to be untruthful in any way to obtain one but know the retribution would be horrific if we had to stay here and wait for a court date. There is more to this but I am hoping for any advice asap so I can get a plan going to resolve this. Thank You in advance for any advice.

 

[army judge]

You made a couple bad bargains. However, you have a lovely child in return. You're still alive, as is your child.

No one can instruct you how to live your life, or if the life you're leading is too tough. That said, if I were you, I'd have left at the first sign or hint of violence, abuse, threats, rants, screams, etc...

So, if you're tired of being his emotional rag doll, you're tired of him ruining your daughter's health find the nearest battered women's shelter, become homeless, go live with family, just get away from that abusive, violent, lying, deceiving bum.

Forget useless pieces of paper, run, run far and run fast, just get you and your child to somewhere safe. Don't look back, don't wait, just get yourselves to safety.

Once you're safely away from the abusive monster, then you worry about all the other stuff. At this moment, and as long as you stay with the shouting, screaming, maniac your lives remain at risk.

 

[shrinkmaster]

This not so much a legal question as a relationship one to some degree. I am a recovering alcoholic (sober almost 30 years now) if he is an alky as I suspect this will NOT get better! You and your child need to leave now! There are shelters for women and children you can go to. Reach out to friends, clergy etc. Regardless get out. You might also look into Alanon for your self and alateen for your child. They will give you tools to deal with the issues created by this situation. May I also suggest you tell your story on parentnook forums (hosted by this sites owner). Its a forum for parenting and relationship issues. There you may find others like yourself who have gone thorough what you are. Its not a legal forum! Its answers from real people no agendas or sales pitches. Link below

 

[Joslin]

You made a couple bad bargains. However, you have a lovely child in return. You're still alive, as is your child.

No one can instruct you how to live your life, or if the life you're leading is too tough. That said, if I were you, I'd have left at the first sign or hint of violence, abuse, threats, rants, screams, etc...

So, if you're tired of being his emotional rag doll, you're tired of him ruining your daughter's health find the nearest battered women's shelter, become homeless, go live with family, just get away from that abusive, violent, lying, deceiving bum.

Forget useless pieces of paper, run, run far and run fast, just get you and your child to somewhere safe. Don't look back, don't wait, just get yourselves to safety.

Once you're safely away from the abusive monster, then you worry about all the other stuff. At this moment, and as long as you stay with the shouting, screaming, maniac your lives remain at risk.

You made a couple bad bargains. However, you have a lovely child in return. You're still alive, as is your child.

No one can instruct you how to live your life, or if the life you're leading is too tough. That said, if I were you, I'd have left at the first sign or hint of violence, abuse, threats, rants, screams, etc...

So, if you're tired of being his emotional rag doll, you're tired of him ruining your daughter's health find the nearest battered women's shelter, become homeless, go live with family, just get away from that abusive, violent, lying, deceiving bum.

Forget useless pieces of paper, run, run far and run fast, just get you and your child to somewhere safe. Don't look back, don't wait, just get yourselves to safety.

Once you're safely away from the abusive monster, then you worry about all the other stuff. At this moment, and as long as you stay with the shouting, screaming, maniac your lives remain at risk.

I appreciate your comments and advice. Clearly we do need to leave. I have felt until just recently that I have had a handle on the situation while working towards the means to safely transition out without having to put my daughter thru a bad exp. (a homeless shelter)and keeping some continuity in her life. I have no doubt he sees the ducks getting in a row. Maybe my question should be best worded as : Do I have the legal right to remove my daughter from the area but within state without his permission? His name is on the birth certificate but no legal paternity has ever been established. We have lived together her entire life. I do want to continue to reside in this area and keep her in the same school but may need to relocate her temporarily with a sister. Would this be frowned upon at a later date should he decide that he would want to have legal paternity established and try to seek custody or even shared custody. This is what he threatens, that because I will be left with no way to provide a home for her that he would take her from me. I want to do this the right way with as little further stress to her as possible.

 

[army judge]

I appreciate your comments and advice. Clearly we do need to leave. I have felt until just recently that I have had a handle on the situation while working towards the means to safely transition out without having to put my daughter thru a bad exp. (a homeless shelter)and keeping some continuity in her life. I have no doubt he sees the ducks getting in a row. Maybe my question should be best worded as : Do I have the legal right to remove my daughter from the area but within state without his permission? His name is on the birth certificate but no legal paternity has ever been established. We have lived together her entire life. I do want to continue to reside in this area and keep her in the same school but may need to relocate her temporarily with a sister. Would this be frowned upon at a later date should he decide that he would want to have legal paternity established and try to seek custody or even shared custody. This is what he threatens, that because I will be left with no way to provide a home for her that he would take her from me. I want to do this the right way with as little further stress to her as possible.

Unmarried males have no custodial or parental rights UNLESS and UNTIL they go to court and establish paternity and seek court ordered visitation.

That said, why on earth would you care what rights that evil, vicious, violent abuser has over protecting your precious child and yourself?

You shouldn't worry about a violent abuser using the legal system, as that's not how they roll.

They simply stab their victims, shoot their victims, or batter their victims to a pulp with axe handles or baseball bats.

Seriously, I would have left the first time he raised his voice at me or my child.

No civilized human being behaves the way you described him behaving.

I wish you the best, madam.

 

[ElleMD]

No, you can't get in trouble for removing your child from an abusive situation. It should have happened long before now. I'm not sure why you think removing her from the situation would be what causes trauma. What causing trauma is living with an abusive alcoholic. Changing schools is nothing. Kids don't end up in therapy and bad relationships or abusing substances as adults because they changed elementary schools but they sure as heck do after spending their formative years being abused and seeing nothing but a dysfunctional relationship.

It isn't clear why you do not work other than this small online business or why you have not set up your own bank account in all these years. You need both. You can set up a bank account online and have the funds from your business go there.

You should contact a shelter for abused women and children. Most provide services to help you obtain independence and put together an escape plan that actually makes sense. Hint, that isn't one where your abusers feelings are more important than your child. Therapy for yourself is also needed as it is not normal to allow someone else to totally control you, especially someone who does not have your best interests at heart.

 

[Joslin]

No, you can't get in trouble for removing your child from an abusive situation. It should have happened long before now. I'm not sure why you think removing her from the situation would be what causes trauma. What causing trauma is living with an abusive alcoholic. Changing schools is nothing. Kids don't end up in therapy and bad relationships or abusing substances as adults because they changed elementary schools but they sure as heck do after spending their formative years being abused and seeing nothing but a dysfunctional relationship.

It isn't clear why you do not work other than this small online business or why you have not set up your own bank account in all these years. You need both. You can set up a bank account online and have the funds from your business go there.

You should contact a shelter for abused women and children. Most provide services to help you obtain independence and put together an escape plan that actually makes sense. Hint, that isn't one where your abusers feelings are more important than your child. Therapy for yourself is also needed as it is not normal to allow someone else to totally control you, especially someone who does not have your best interests at heart.

Just an update. I have a temporary order and a court date for a longer term one. My daughter and I have been given use of the house now and I have requested counseling for both of us. It has not always been bad. There have been extended periods of good times ( sometimes several years)where I have always felt that we were permanently done with the bad. Thank You for the wake up calls.

I do have an account and it just does not produce more than grocery, incidentals , school supplies , et finances. Outside of the home employments has been a matter of covering daughters schedule and extracurricular s as he has always required an on call schedule. It was an agreed upon method to eliminate child care expense and accommodate all needs so he would not have to have any interruption at work. It has been a great solution to make ends meet in what was supposed to be a complete domestic partnership. It has just come to my attention that a good part of his on call schedule turns out be another woman at present. The last bad spell I suspected it was an affair.....never had concrete evidence but suspect that is what it was now. Regardless, I am done.

It has been a slow progressive psychological type of abuse. Even in the good times there has been manipulation that has been serving him. I am not concerned with his feelings, just my daughters as she does love him, but he has played head games with her where he belittles and berates then she craves his approval and affection. I do hope that counseling will help her to understand that the life we have led at different times is not what she should consider normal and that she deserves to be treated with respect and genuine love as does her Mom. I was able to get an appointment for legal council thru a non profit before the court date. They are reviewing everything and will meet with me soon to make sure I have all the ducks in a row.

I can honestly say I have not felt this good in a long time and am looking forward to getting on with a normal life, getting a job outside of the home with the help of another family that will cover my daughters needs when I cannot. Keeping the in home business on the side for extra's and end meeting.

Shrinkmaster: I will visit the parenting and relationship forum when I have a little more time and share this info. I hope it can help someone else.

Thank You all again for your help.

 

[Betty3]

It sounds like you are on the right track. The best of luck to you & your daughter.

 

[txls]

Thanks for the update and it's good to hear that things are headed in the right direction.