Family dispute over pics

S

Swift1234

New Member
Jurisdiction
Massachusetts
Hello,

I have a situation where my father left photographs that were once in his possession at my grandparents house when he moved out over 20 years ago. They were rotting away with mold so I recently went (with my grandparents permission) and removed the photographs to preserve them. When my father found out, he suddenly said that he wanted the pictures but I do not want to return them as they were neglected and their preservation is of importance to my sisters and me.

There are a few categories of memorabilia within the collection, some of which I feel he has more of a "right to" than others. For example my mother is deceased for many years and some of the photos are from her side of the family from generations ago, I feel that this should belong to me and my sisters, not my father, as these are our relatives and not his. There are also photos of my sisters and my childhoods that I am very interested in keeping. There are photos that seem more debatable as to who would have more interest in them such as photos of his an my mothers wedding. Finally there are momentos from when me and my sisters were in school (such as awards and certificates kindergarten colorings etc).

I want to know if there is prescient for who these "belong to".
 
Swift1234 said:
Hello,

I have a situation where my father left photographs that were once in his possession at my grandparents house when he moved out over 20 years ago. They were rotting away with mold so I recently went (with my grandparents permission) and removed the photographs to preserve them. When my father found out, he suddenly said that he wanted the pictures but I do not want to return them as they were neglected and their preservation is of importance to my sisters and me.

There are a few categories of memorabilia within the collection, some of which I feel he has more of a "right to" than others. For example my mother is deceased for many years and some of the photos are from her side of the family from generations ago, I feel that this should belong to me and my sisters, not my father, as these are our relatives and not his. There are also photos of my sisters and my childhoods that I am very interested in keeping. There are photos that seem more debatable as to who would have more interest in them such as photos of his an my mothers wedding. Finally there are momentos from when me and my sisters were in school (such as awards and certificates kindergarten colorings etc).

I want to know if there is prescient for who these "belong to".
Click to expand...
They belong to your father. Scan them into your computer and then return the pictures to your dad
 
justblue said:
They belong to your father. Scan them into your computer and then return the pictures to your dad
Click to expand...

Not so fast. The father left them with the grandparents for some 20 years. He may have in fact abandoned them such that the grandparents had a good claim to them. In that instance, the grandparents would be able to give the photos to Swift.

But this should be able to be resolved by having high quality copies of all the photos made. That would enable both of them to have the photos to look at. The images on the paper are, after all, what matters more than the paper itself. That is, it shouldn't matter much who has the current photos and who has the copies. Either way, the important thing is being able to see the image that was on the photos.
 
This is not a legal opinion.
This is simply a common sense opinion.
Photographs belong to the ages.
Photographs are meant to be shared, admired by many, and preserved.
You've taken the first step to memorializing the photographs, now that the photos have been digitized, they'll live forever.

You can share those digitized versions with all the members of your family.

It would be selfish to hoard them, or to share them with only a few members of your clan.

Share the photos with all who wish to treasure them, too.

You never know the pains and pangs of life, others endure or suffer, but your act of kindness by sharing memories of the past can make someone smile.

Do the right thing.

You know what the right thing is, regarding the digitized photos.

Thank God you're able to bring a smile to someone's face, as opposed to a frown.
 
I think I should probably clarify the volume of pictures and memorabilia because it is substantial. There are between 5 and 6 thousand pieces....more than I can realistically scan or pay to have scanned. Otherwise I would have just scanned them for myself.

And to clarify, i have not digitized them. I have taken them to put them in albums. I certainly would not deny sharing something that is easily sharable. I am not trying to spite my father, its just that he hasn't retrieved the pictures for decades, they were being destroyed, and now that I have him he is suddenly saying he wants them. And I cannot just scan them easily and give them back.

I just want the pictures to be safe not being ruined as they were under his watch where he abandoned them. Some of them were completely unusable because more than half the picture was eaten away by mice. And hundreds of them are permanently discolored from mouse urine. Its disgusting and these pictures deserve better.
 
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Swift1234 said:
I think I should probably clarify the volume of pictures and memorabilia because it is substantial. There are between 5 and 6 thousand pieces....more than I can realistically scan or pay to have scanned. Otherwise I would have just scanned them for myself.

And to clarify, i have not digitized them. I have taken them to put them in albums. I certainly would not deny sharing something that is easily sharable. I am not trying to spite my father, its just that he hasn't retrieved the pictures for decades, they were being destroyed, and now that I have him he is suddenly saying he wants them. And I cannot just scan them easily and give them back.

I just want the pictures to be safe not being ruined as they were under his watch where he abandoned them. Some of them were completely unusable because more than half the picture was eaten away by mice. And hundreds of them are permanently discolored from mouse urine. Its disgusting and these pictures deserve better.
Click to expand...

I once scanned 5,000 photos because an elderly great-aunt asked me if I'd do it for her.

You are free to choose NOT to do so, but what good are urine stained (or faded) photos to anyone?

I doubt that you're keeping, or will keep, the ones ruined by mammal urine.

That could be a decision that causes you (or others you love) medical distress.

That said, why not find out what it'll cost to pay someone to digitize the pictures that are safe enough to digitize.

Once you know the cost, ask those who are interested to chip in their pro rata portion of the total costs.

Once the items have been digitized, they should be readily ported to those who've born the costs to make them shareable.

I'm reminded of the classic child's fable, "The Little Red Hen".

If, after being offered the opportunity to share in the costs, few respond; then you'll know exactly how to proceed.

There are no free lunches in life, and you need NOT carry the costs for the wants of others.

I've found that after offering those who show concern for something, those unwilling to share the costs, don't get enjoy the fruits of my labors.

What you can do, AFTER having the photos digitized, is offer the urine stained items to those who want freebies.

The following websites are examples of just how cheap digitizing of photos can be:

1,000 pics cost about $70, while 2,000 photos cost under $300.

One website claims their pricing is as low as one penny per item.

Photo Scanning Services

Pay-Per-Scan Photo Scan Service 1¢


I am not recommending the above websites, just posting to let you know that there are even cheaper prices available should you shop around.
 
This is really good advice army judge. I think I will look into that and see if he is willing to help pay to have them digitized. As I don't think he really cares about the photo and is just trying to cause drama, I think that the point will be made about how much they matter to him
 
Swift1234 said:
This is really good advice army judge. I think I will look into that and see if he is willing to help pay to have them digitized. As I don't think he really cares about the photo and is just trying to cause drama, I think that the point will be made about how much they matter to him
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You're welcome, I hope it all ends well for you.

When others choose not to help, I choose to move on with no regrets.

When they return to argue, I simply say, "I stand by your wishes, not mine."
 

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