Divorce and lying/adultery New York State

Mark K

New Member
Jurisdiction
New York
I live in Saratoga county. I moved here with my family about 18 months ago.

In November 2021, I found that my wife was having an affair that I at first thought was just via text . I have since found out other, disturbing things that my wife has done. I now not only know to >95% certainty that she had sex with her affair partner – over a weekend in a cottage in Lake Luzerne and possibly at the affair partner's mother's house in Moriah on a different weekend. I have also discovered (my wife told me under some amount of pressure) that she had another affair partner, who is an ex-boyfriend. She claims that it was an emotional affair via text, but I have reason to be skeptical, as I know that she was close enough to him and spent enough time with him to procure cannabis from him and was also with him at a party.

I have found that in addition to the adultery, she also convinced me to move here to upstate NY from Massachusetts (which I consider to be my home and have somewhat of a support-system) under false pretenses. She told me that she wanted to be closer to family, but I have it in writing to a Facebook friend that she wanted to get closer to her romantic interest and then divorce me once here (none of which I had previously had any knowledge of). I suspect she also may have told the SPED director in my children's school district that I watch porn with my daughter, which led the SPED director to file a referral on me with CPS. That referral has been found to be unfounded. The affair partner – who for what it's worth is a NYS public employee – and who I believe she had physical relations with called me as well and falsely accused me of being a pedophile, so I have my suspicions that she told him as well. Again, CPS found the allegations to be unfounded.

The SPED director stated on a multi-person Zoom call that it was my wife who made the allegation. My wife (of course since she lies constantly) denies that.

My understanding is that since I have not been working until just recently – I now work part-time – and watching our children that a case could be made that she should pay me spousal maintenance in a divorce. Given all she has done to me, that is what I would want for starters. She has about $40,000 in a bank account that I don't have access to. It is the proceeds from an accident settlement.

I see all of this as being mentally abusive as well as detrimental to my mental and physical health and I need to leave here and go back to Mass as soon as possible as I now have concluded that the situation is untenable. We have two special-needs twin daughters born in 2014. I need some help and/or advice.
 
I live in Saratoga county. I moved here with my family about 18 months ago.

In November 2021, I found that my wife was having an affair that I at first thought was just via text . I have since found out other, disturbing things that my wife has done. I now not only know to >95% certainty that she had sex with her affair partner – over a weekend in a cottage in Lake Luzerne and possibly at the affair partner's mother's house in Moriah on a different weekend. I have also discovered (my wife told me under some amount of pressure) that she had another affair partner, who is an ex-boyfriend. She claims that it was an emotional affair via text, but I have reason to be skeptical, as I know that she was close enough to him and spent enough time with him to procure cannabis from him and was also with him at a party.

I have found that in addition to the adultery, she also convinced me to move here to upstate NY from Massachusetts (which I consider to be my home and have somewhat of a support-system) under false pretenses. She told me that she wanted to be closer to family, but I have it in writing to a Facebook friend that she wanted to get closer to her romantic interest and then divorce me once here (none of which I had previously had any knowledge of). I suspect she also may have told the SPED director in my children's school district that I watch porn with my daughter, which led the SPED director to file a referral on me with CPS. That referral has been found to be unfounded. The affair partner – who for what it's worth is a NYS public employee – and who I believe she had physical relations with called me as well and falsely accused me of being a pedophile, so I have my suspicions that she told him as well. Again, CPS found the allegations to be unfounded.

The SPED director stated on a multi-person Zoom call that it was my wife who made the allegation. My wife (of course since she lies constantly) denies that.

My understanding is that since I have not been working until just recently – I now work part-time – and watching our children that a case could be made that she should pay me spousal maintenance in a divorce. Given all she has done to me, that is what I would want for starters. She has about $40,000 in a bank account that I don't have access to. It is the proceeds from an accident settlement.

I see all of this as being mentally abusive as well as detrimental to my mental and physical health and I need to leave here and go back to Mass as soon as possible as I now have concluded that the situation is untenable. We have two special-needs twin daughters born in 2014. I need some help and/or advice.

1. How long is the marriage?
2. Are you seeking primary custody of the children?
3. Are you planning on moving the children back to Massachusetts if you are awarded custody?
5. What is your wife yearly income? What is your income?

6. Are you going to hire a Divorce Attorney?
 
I need some help and/or advice.

Retain the best divorce attorney HER money can buy.

If the attorney is worth her/his salt, he/she can access HER money and income to fund the attorney's fees.

Obtaining a divorce is easy these days.

The attorney can attempt to get you 50/50, perhaps 100% custody.

This isn't a do it yourself effort.

Good luck.
 
I see all of this as being mentally abusive as well as detrimental to my mental and physical health and I need to leave here and go back to Mass as soon as possible as I now have concluded that the situation is untenable. We have two special-needs twin daughters born in 2014. I need some help and/or advice.

I suggest you consult a divorce lawyer in NY and file for divorce ASAP.

You've already met the residency requirements and leaving may be construed as abandonment.

Filing first often gives one an advantage and you can ask for temporary support when you file.

Forget the "woe is me" business and man up.
 
Forget the "woe is me" business and man up.

Ditto this, especially.

Focus on what your priorities are for you and the kids. Know what is legally reasonable, but don't be afraid to ask for more. Note: don't spend too much money chasing money. Too much = more than you're likely to get. The exception is child support. CS in NY can go until 21.
 
I suggest you consult a divorce lawyer in NY and file for divorce ASAP.
I completely agree.

You've already met the residency requirements...
I am not so sure about this one. There appears to be only one (out of 7) ground for divorce for which this may apply (adultery), and the OP may have a hard time actually proving it. If adultery isn't the ground that is (successfully) used, then the OP is looking at at least one year of living in New York with his wife before the residency requirement is satisfied.
(Residency and Grounds for a Divorce | NY CourtHelp)


Forget the "woe is me" business...
I agree - the OP needs to start looking at this as more of a business transaction, if he can. Therapy may help.
 
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