Custody case & defamation

[js1961]

I'll be brief...I'm being sued by my ex for custody of our children because he and his new wife don't want to pay child support. In the process they are defaming my character at my daughters' schools, at the doctor's offices, and everywhere else they can with malicious and entirely false accusations. I have several school officials and others who will attest to this, which is mostly being done by his new wife and some of it in front of the kids. Is there anything I can do to a) get her restrained from being involved in this case, and b) can I sue them for defamation after the custody case is over? I've been researching defamation cases and everything I find is geared toward employment or business law, and I haven't seen anything relative to custody cases. Any help you can give is greatly appreciated. For now I'm documenting everything I find out about...luckily one of my daughters' teachers realized early on that I am not like they have described, and she alerted me to what has been going on at school. The new wife has even gone so far as to pretend to be my daughters' natural mother when first contacting the school.

 

[Michael Wechsler]

If the new wife has pretended to be the new mother at school, you may want to report this conduct to the police. Be very careful that this is what she is doing and get the names and positions of the people to whom she is making this representation. If it was only a one time event that happened a while ago then I'd say the issue is moot and you'll look like someone trying to cause a stir.

To sue someone for defamation, what is required is a false statement that is "published" or spoken to a third person and that statement is injurious to the victim. It is difficult to say whether it is worth your time to sue but you can in a separate action. You may want to raise this issue in family court. Not only is this an important aspect to raise during the hearing, but you also may want to attribute these wrongful actions of the new wife to your ex-husband. Additionally, the reason why you see defamation cases in a business context is because those cases can define the monetary injury easily and also are cases which it is probably worthwhile to sue.

 

[js1961]

Thank you for the quick reply. Yes, this representation happened a couple months ago and I only recently found out about it. I think I'll raise it in family court; we have a status hearing in a few weeks. My ex husband has been present when she made the slanderous statements about me and made no effort to stop her. It happened on at least 3 occasions at the school and I have approximately 5 witnesses, among them schoolteachers, psychologists, and a social worker. I don't care about money...I just want them to stop doing it. I hope the family court commissioner sees my point (fingers crossed).

 

[Michael Wechsler]

If the ex-wife has attempted to impersonate you as your child's mother, perhaps you should go to the police and file a report, especially if you have witnesses. You certainly have a legitimate interest to protect by informing the police. Just be sure that what you are saying is fact and not a creative interpretation of the facts.

 

[js1961]

What she did was call the school to make appointments for meetings with my daughter's teacher and others for my ex and herself to attend, and she neglected to tell them she is the stepmother, not the mother. No one invited or informed me of the meetings because they thought she was the mother. Three meetings went by before anyone realized she was not the mother...neither she or my ex spoke up about it. I guess since technically she didn't state that she is my daughter's biological mother, or at least to my knowledge didn't, but merely chose to leave that part out until I showed up at school and they found out who I am, it might be a waste of time and energy to go to the police and I should just look at it as a way of finding out how sneaky they both are and watch out for things like that in the future. On the sheet for the most recent meeting, she was careful to sign "stepmother" after her name. She didn't do that the first three times, she just left it blank.

 

[Michael Wechsler]

Hmmm... you may want to send her a short, written notice, certified return receipt and a carbon copy to the school via the same method. She had no business going alone to the school without your ex-husband present, pretending to be your child's mother and dealing with teachers and school alone in the capacity of a parent. The big deal here is not so much that the hubby would like the current girlfriend to get to know his child, but that the current girlfriend was pretending to be the mother and deal with your child as the mother (meeting the teachers) without your ex present. She has no authority to do what she is doing and the school should be aware of the fact that the only two parents that have any say in your child's education and welfare are you and your ex. What happens if the school releases the child to the custody of the woman without your knowledge?

I don't know the full story and if you have an attorney it would be wise to bring this up. Best of luck with this situation.

 

[js1961]

Do you mean like a cease and desist letter? I actually have one of those drafted already, but I haven't sent it. I thought I should wait until I had my attorney check it out or even have him do it.

I found out some other rather scary things today from one of my children. She told me that the stepmother sometimes has her oldest daughter (13) take double or even triple doses of klonopin when she gets "too loud". This is her biological child, not mine, and this kid is on other meds too. I don't want this woman around my girls. I'd like to be able to get some kind of restraining order against her but I don't think it's likely since she's married to my ex and our kids visit him regularly and he seems to back up anything she does. I'd also would like to get the court to start looking at her background a bit since she seems to be on so many meds and so are most of her kids (4 kids between her and my ex, not counting my 2). I'm sorry to post so much, I'm not expecting some magical answer from you, more like venting. I feel weird calling my attorney for every little thing so I've been keeping a log of what's been going on for a couple months now...I know it isn't proof of anything, but I don't want to forget anything if it goes to trial.

 

[Michael Wechsler]

You should absolutely wait on doing things that could have an impact on your case until you speak to your attorney. While they may have good intentions, they could affect your attorney's ability to represent you. I'd follow his/her advice and direction.

 

[js1961]

Thank you for all your help.