Change Venue to Another State with Children Involved?

[June88]

Jurisdiction

Colorado

I have a divorce case with my husband. We have three children together. The case has been getting dragged out by my husband for over a year now. He was previously abusive and has a prior criminal record, including domestic violence against me. He doesn't really want the divorce, hence why he has been holding it off. Some days he supports the idea, other days he opposes it. With him being bi-polar, you never know what you're going to get any given day.

While the divorce is ongoing here in Colorado, I have been wanting to move to Tampa for the past year and a half. When I discussed it with my (hopefully soon to be) ex, he was supportive of all of us moving down to Tampa for better work opportunities, etc. It came up multiple times over the last year, and he kept saying he was ready to when me and the kids were. However, recently he has been telling me the only way he will let me and the kids move down there is if I drop the divorce case and give him another chance.

I have not been with him since the inception of the divorce in January of 2018. Within the last few months, I have fallen head-over-heels in love with someone who lives in the Tampa area. The only thing keeping me from him is my ex refusing to let us move the kids down there to Florida.

It is heartbreaking, because I can get a much better paying job in Tampa and the man of my dreams lives there. My love in Tampa has children with an ex as well, so him moving here isn't a choice due to their parenting plan. My ex knows I have wanted to move to Tampa for years, and now, he is keeping me from doing it purely to spite me.

What can I do? What is the best way to handle something like this? I know if I catch my ex in the right mood, he will be willing to move to Tampa. However, we are doing this by ourselves and cannot afford an attorney, so I have no idea what I would need to include in our agreement to even make the move legal and by the book?

I have three kids and NO child support at all from him, so please don't give me the cliché answer of "hire an attorney." I struggle to find a way to feed my kids and keep a roof over our heads, so if your only answer is going to be "you need an attorney," please just refrain from replying, as you will be wasting both your and my time. I already tried making a "Go Fund Me" page months ago and have tried other fundraising methods, but I am from another country and as such, my social circle here is small and so it is NOT an option.

One of my friends suggested that I drop the divorce case here in Colorado (which my ex will definitely agree to do), move to Florida with the children, and then refile the divorce there so they have jurisdiction in Florida. I feel it is a bit underhanded, but with how manipulative my ex is being and how long he has dragged it out, I am desperate. I am also not sure how long I would need to actually live in Florida until I could file for the divorce again there? Also, until I was able to file in Florida, he could always refile the divorce in Colorado and force me to come back, right?

I cry every night these days and am desperate for help. Whatever advice you can give would be appreciated.

 

[army judge]

Whatever advice you can give would be appreciated.

You do NOT have to be divorced to move anywhere you can afford to move.

However, it could be very costly emotionally and financially to move thousands of miles to be with some dude or dudette you know NOTHING about except what you've been told.

If you have children, you'll make big problems for yourself (POTENTIALLY) f you take them with you and the divorce is pending.

You will be better off by divorcing dude or dudette number one, before seeking dude or dudette number two.

 

[June88]

You do NOT have to be divorced to move anywhere you can afford to move.

However, it could be very costly emotionally and financially to move thousands of miles to be with some dude or dudette you know NOTHING about except what you've been told.

If you have children, you'll make big problems for yourself (POTENTIALLY) f you take them with you and the divorce is pending.

You will be better off by divorcing dude or dudette number one, before seeking dude or dudette number two.

Lots of incorrect assumptions here. Number one, I have known "dude number two" for years now. It is far from going on "what I've been told." It has been YEARS that I have loved him as a friend, gotten to know him, visited him and other friends in person multiple times over the years when visiting, and now I finally have a chance since I am getting this divorce. Me and him are a LONG story, but he is a dream come true to me, yet this case is the ONLY thing keeping us apart.

I will not move without my children. That is not an option. Apologies for not making it clear here, but my children move with me and I would ONLY move if going with them is an option.

EVERYONE is telling me the exact opposite of what you are, which is to NOT finish this divorce with a parenting plan where the children reside here. They are telling me that if I do, it is going to be a complete nightmare to move them to Florida with me, if not impossible. They are all telling me to do something like a "change of venue" or to close this case, move, and then file divorce again down in FL.

Moving is not a problem. I do not have much to move with us and have every single thing sorted out as far as going to Florida. My only obstacle is how to legally move with my children without it causing issues legally by moving them while the divorce is pending.

 

[June88]

So to clarify for future posts:

** My children reside with me. I am asking about how to move both me AND my children to Florida without legal problems. I will NOT leave without my children, and he would NOT take care of them if I left them here with him anyway. **

 

[leslie82]

So to clarify for future posts:

** My children reside with me. I am asking about how to move both me AND my children to Florida without legal problems. I will NOT leave without my children, and he would NOT take care of them if I left them here with him anyway. **

As long as you remain legally married to your husband, he can come and take the kids anytime he wants and you can't stop him.

I think it's odd you start out saying you want to move to Tampa to get a better job but it seems really it's about this other guy. I don't really care what a stranger does with her life - but we never truly know anyone in our lives. Trust me, I have found out about some people who I have known since I was 18 who I thought were like family and have, in the last two years, stabbed me in the back. I met my ex husband at 18 and thought I knew him but found out I really didn't know him. So you being friends with your "new love" for years doesn't mean anything.

You need to do what's best for your kids - not you. If you drop the divorce now and move, while still legally married, and then shack up with this guy and file - your husband can find a way to use that against you in the divorce. And, again, he could come take the kids if he wanted to while you're still married.

I don't know who you talked to who about dropping it - but army judge has extensive experience as a judge and lawyer. He's not just blowing smoke up your ass. I suggest you hire a lawyer or go talk to one who can give you actual legal advice.

 

[army judge]

Lots of incorrect assumptions here. Number one, I have known "dude number two" for years now. It is far from going on "what I've been told." It has been YEARS that I have loved him as a friend, gotten to know him, visited him and other friends in person multiple times over the years when visiting, and now I finally have a chance since I am getting this divorce. Me and him are a LONG story, but he is a dream come true to me, yet this case is the ONLY thing keeping us apart.

I will not move without my children. That is not an option. Apologies for not making it clear here, but my children move with me and I would ONLY move if going with them is an option.

EVERYONE is telling me the exact opposite of what you are, which is to NOT finish this divorce with a parenting plan where the children reside here. They are telling me that if I do, it is going to be a complete nightmare to move them to Florida with me, if not impossible. They are all telling me to do something like a "change of venue" or to close this case, move, and then file divorce again down in FL.

Moving is not a problem. I do not have much to move with us and have every single thing sorted out as far as going to Florida. My only obstacle is how to legally move with my children without it causing issues legally by moving them while the divorce is pending.

I'm a nobody to you.

I know nothing about your life, needs, wants, mores, and issues.

That said, I also know nothing about what others have told you.

I do, however, know the law.

I also know human nature.

Dude 1 hates you, you hate dude 1.

Nothing stops a person from murdering another person but common sense.

Most people don't wish to take a human life.

Common sense says most people don't want to be executed or spend their life in prison.

You have the ability to take your kiddies and be with dude 2 tonight.

If you do, dude 1 gains a upper hand so massive you have no clue what it is.

You alone get to choose what actions you take.

You alone also reap the repercussions from each and every action you take.

There is no way for you to achieve what you seek without potential legal harm to yourself.

I have no dog in your fight.

I don't win or lose no matter what you do.

You might simply prove or disprove EVERYTHING you think you know by asking TWO family law attorneys near you.

The initial consultation is normally offered at no charge to you.

The truth is out there, like it or not.

 

[leslie82]

Lots of incorrect assumptions here. Number one, I have known "dude number two" for years now. It is far from going on "what I've been told." It has been YEARS that I have loved him as a friend, gotten to know him, visited him and other friends in person multiple times over the years when visiting, and now I finally have a chance since I am getting this divorce. Me and him are a LONG story, but he is a dream come true to me, yet this case is the ONLY thing keeping us apart.

I will not move without my children. That is not an option. Apologies for not making it clear here, but my children move with me and I would ONLY move if going with them is an option.

EVERYONE is telling me the exact opposite of what you are, which is to NOT finish this divorce with a parenting plan where the children reside here. They are telling me that if I do, it is going to be a complete nightmare to move them to Florida with me, if not impossible. They are all telling me to do something like a "change of venue" or to close this case, move, and then file divorce again down in FL.

Moving is not a problem. I do not have much to move with us and have every single thing sorted out as far as going to Florida. My only obstacle is how to legally move with my children without it causing issues legally by moving them while the divorce is pending.

So I got divorced in 2015. Not in either state you're mentioning but - did. He didn't show up for anything so I got sole custody and there's no parenting plan because he didn't do the required parenting class or mediation and still hasn't.

Last year I got reassignment orders for out of state. I could have just probably moved our daughter without going to court but I didn't want to take the chance of him using that against me someday. So - I ended up hiring a lawyer and went through the process of modifying the custody order so I could move her with me to my new unit. He was in prison - he got served. He didn't respond. So it was extremely easy (although I had to drop $3200 on a lawyer for something I probably could have done myself but they don't allow us to do that in that state). One court date. Told the judge why I had to move, that I really had no choice in the move etc. Told him that my ex hasn't been involved, everything. He approved the modification for me to move her.

So even though I had a custody order in our original state, I was able to move her with me and if we had a parenting plan, it would have been modified. So if you get a divorce decree and custody order in your state, you would just have to go to court to modify it to relocate the kids. And when you do that, you have to state why it's beneficial to the KIDS for the move.

But you do what you want. Go ahead, drop the divorce and move your kids out of state and move in with your 'love' but it's not going to help you in any way. I hope you've talked to at least one lawyer, but you should talk to a couple.