can stepmother interfere with medical treatment of stepson?

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angrymom51

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16.5 year old son has been diagnosed with Crohns Disease. Stepmother (not biodad) has decided she is the expert on this despite no education in the medical profession. I work in the medical field and have taken son (without stepmom or biodad--- they chose not to come) for consultations at two big pediatric GI research centers. Son and I agree that medically it makes more sense for him to see the MD at the research center 4 hours from home instead of seeing the nice but not on top of current treatments MD he was originally assigned in hospital. Biodad and I have joint legal and physical custody, however stepmom appears to be making the decisions regarding my son, in that family. They have threatened "big trouble" if I continue to have him seen at the research center. What are my legal rights?
 
I suggest you read the custodial order and abide accordingly. This is very simple, the custodial parent makes the decision. That's the one with whom the child resides. By the way, the child has no say. If you believe dad is acting inappropriately, your remedy lies in the court where the order was issued, not on a forum or with your friends. Only a court can order you or dad or anyone todo this or not to do that.
 
Ok so he was already seeing a local Doctor (that you and bio Dad were aware of) and took child on your own to another Doctor 4 hours away without first talking to Dad?
 
OP might have talked to bio Dad - notes stepmother & bio Dad chose not to come.
 
angrymom51 said:
16.5 year old son has been diagnosed with Crohns Disease. Stepmother (not biodad) has decided she is the expert on this despite no education in the medical profession. I work in the medical field and have taken son (without stepmom or biodad--- they chose not to come) for consultations at two big pediatric GI research centers. Son and I agree that medically it makes more sense for him to see the MD at the research center 4 hours from home instead of seeing the nice but not on top of current treatments MD he was originally assigned in hospital. Biodad and I have joint legal and physical custody, however stepmom appears to be making the decisions regarding my son, in that family. They have threatened "big trouble" if I continue to have him seen at the research center. What are my legal rights?
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If stepmom is acting on Dad's orders or instruction, there's really not much you can do about her input - just make sure you and Dad understand exactly what is meant by "joint custody".

Honestly though, if this goes to court? The court may well find that expecting Dad to participate in an 8hour return trip to see a physician is completely unrealistic. I believe you'll have big problems trying to claim that the only appropriate center is 4 hours away, in California.
 
Am hoping that biodad and step mom will consider that the cost of going to court is not worth it. They like the local doc, as do I, but her treatment plan puts my son at risk. A small risk, but a risk nonetheless.As Dad is not talking to me at all, it is difficult to communicate with him. He and Biomom communicate to me mostly through the sons and occasionally with threatening texts or emails. I am considering a watch and see approach, if they initiate a court action. Meanwhile, we have 19 months til son is 18 and can make own medical decisions.
 
What documentation do you have that current treatment is a risk and how real and/or serious is this risk? Are there other local Doctors who can confirm this and why can child not see them if so?
 
angrymom51 said:
Am hoping that biodad and step mom will consider that the cost of going to court is not worth it.
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True colors, I see. That idea might smack you in the bottom though - if you lose, you can pay their court costs.

They like the local doc, as do I, but her treatment plan puts my son at risk. A small risk, but a risk nonetheless.As Dad is not talking to me at all, it is difficult to communicate with him. He and Biomom communicate to me mostly through the sons and occasionally with threatening texts or emails. I am considering a watch and see approach, if they initiate a court action. Meanwhile, we have 19 months til son is 18 and can make own medical decisions.
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Sorry, but you've just made Dad's case for him.
 
Hang on - you just referred to Biomom communicating with you.

Why is that?
 
Did you type bio Mom in error & meant stepmom???? Please clarify. Thanks.
 
yes, I am biomom.Meant Stepmom. Am checking with family law attorney to see what she thinks. There is no local Peds GI. nearest are 2 hours away that happen to have bi-monthly clinic 45 minutes away. Prosperpina.. why do you say I have made Dad's case for him? Current treatment has risk of 1/3500 for fatal cancer in young men. Much documentation in literature ( which biodad and stepmom don't bother to look at). Son really can't be forced to take pills he thinks will hurt him so son has decided not to. Meanwhile, apparently the "local" GI doc has not yet called stepmom back.
 
Please - I'm trying to help you here.

What treatment are we discussing?

Yes, I have a clinical background.

So yes, I may just have the ability to gauge how a court sees things.
 
MSA states that biodad and I need to agree on non urgent medical treatment for son. If we don't agree,a mediator is suggested. There is nothing about a stepparent in my MSA. Treatment is old (6MP) which has a risk of fatal HSTCL in 1/3500 boys under the age of 21. New treatment is methotrexate which has no known risk of lymphoma. "local" MD prefers 6mp because it was what she trained on. She also see fewer cases of IBD compared to specialist in IBD at big medical center.
 
I suspect you're going to find Dad looking for every bit of information he can find - and unfortunately for you, the journals seem to be agreeing that overall there is only a slightly higher risk of neoplasia.

Not enough to discount the option as a treatment, anyway. http://www.med.umich.edu/ibd/education/medications.html & http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mercaptopurine#Adverse_reactions and a few studies I can't link to because nobody has my CE login :)


I understand your concern. But methotrexate isn't without complications, either. If anything there's a decent case to be made that methotrexate causes more frequent and more life-threatening effects than 6MP.

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/druginfo/meds/a682019.html

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/druginfo/meds/a682653.html#side-effects

I'm not going to bombard you with more medical info. I just want to point out that both drugs can lead to fatalities and if the court isn't aware of the clinical side of things they're likely going to err on the side of caution and stay with already-established drugs.
 
thanks for your help. If Dad was taking more of an interest we would be able to have this discussion between him and me. Yes MTX has its own issues. But not HSTCL.
 
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