Alimony after 20 yrs of seperation.

[Calman]

After approximately 10 yrs of marriage in California we seperated, around 1990. I filed for divorce 2x the most recent 5/02/01. The case is still open. I want to finish this divorce. Our youngest child is 21, i paid support for him (non Court ordered until a year ago, to help him in thru college). She had a child after seperating which is now 14 or so and now wants to live with her Dad which is going to remove what support she was getting for her.

Although I urged her to get some training and job skills she has refused to do so in the past. Living on what child support she was getting in the past. She has no job experience or skills due to this refusal. She is now 58 or so, and i am 54.

What should i expect?

 

[jharris352]

If you have to pay alimony I will be SHOCKED. After that long she definitely has a duty to mitigate her circumstances. She can't stay unemployed and make you pay 20 years later.

 

[Calman]

The sad thing is my 21 yr is a Junior at a UC (premed). I am still paying 200/mnth to him to assist in his college education. If I have to pay anything his 200/ mnth would suffer and so might his education.

Makes me sick to my stomach to even think about it.

 

[army judge]

The sad thing is my 21 yr is a Junior at a UC (premed). I am still paying 200/mnth to him to assist in his college education. If I have to pay anything his 200/ mnth would suffer and so might his education.

Makes me sick to my stomach to even think about it.

All of the support you paid without the benefit of a court order might not count when you get to court. Support that people pay outside if court orders, means nothing to a court. If it was paid not pursuant to a court order, it wasn't paid and won't count.

Never pay support without a court order, you usually get screwed!!!

You need a great lawyer.
She will hire one at your expense, so be prepared.

Now, the real bad news. California is a bad state to get divorced under circustances similar to yours. You could get stuck with back child support (court ordered) and child support for her illegitimate child!!! Yeah, I know, it sucks!

Get ready for a DNA fight. As her youngest meal ticket was born while she was legally married to you, there exists a legal presumption that makes you the putative father!!!

You can most likely beat her, but not without a fight and a great lawyer.

 

[jharris352]

Army! What are you talking about? They have remained MARRIED for these past 20 years. He has not owed support for that time. Further, she can not claim that she was prevented from working by him for 20 years of legal separation? Even in the land of fruits and nuts I can't imagine that she will be able to get alimony after that long being separated. I understand he is likely to still have to split anything he accumulated for the last 20 years. But Alimony?

 

[army judge]

Army! What are you talking about? They have remained MARRIED for these past 20 years. He has not owed support for that time. Further, she can not claim that she was prevented from working by him for 20 years of legal separation? Even in the land of fruits and nuts I can't imagine that she will be able to get alimony after that long being separated. I understand he is likely to still have to split anything he accumulated for the last 20 years. But Alimony?

California has perfected the evil art of alimony.

The OP said he has been supporting the college aspirations of one of their issue.

I was just alerting him to the fact, that his generosity will not be appreciated or rewarded by a California court. Although it isn't a given, the probability of alimony (euphemistically called spousal support) could surface it's ugly head. I hope the lazy sow doesn't get a dime, but in California, anything is possible and permissible!!!

 

[BayState]

After approximately 10 yrs of marriage in California we seperated, around 1990. I filed for divorce 2x the most recent 5/02/01. The case is still open. I want to finish this divorce. Our youngest child is 21, i paid support for him (non Court ordered until a year ago, to help him in thru college). She had a child after seperating which is now 14 or so and now wants to live with her Dad which is going to remove what support she was getting for her.

Although I urged her to get some training and job skills she has refused to do so in the past. Living on what child support she was getting in the past. She has no job experience or skills due to this refusal. She is now 58 or so, and i am 54.

What should i expect?

Did you disestablish paternity of the 14 yo?

 

[jharris352]

That's why I call it the Land of Fruits and Nuts. California is what happens when you populate a really pretty place with liberals!

 

[BayState]

That's why I call it the Land of Fruits and Nuts. California is what happens when you populate a really pretty place with liberals!

Wow. If you think Cali is "the land of fruits and nuts" (BTW: If you mean what I think you do...How INCREDIBLY offensive!) what is your opinion of Massachusetts? Got a cute nick-name for us Yanks??

 

[Proserpina]

Oh, wow.

I'm...speechless.

 

[Calman]

I will indeed get a lawyer that I would be a fool not to. As far as the girl there should be no issue of her claiming it is mine, but I will follow the advise of counsel. If DNA is needed it will show she is not mine.

Thanks for the heads up, I know Calif sucks in so many ways. If it were not for my 21 yr old I would move. But he may need a place to stay. He would speak up for me on all issues also, if allowed showing that I paid his support for the years. But I understand they wont care since no crt order was issued.

 

[Proserpina]

Be prepared for the possibility that you will be held to be the legal father of the 14 year old, regardless of DNA.

 

[Calman]

This is sounding bad. Although we never had a relationship after the original seperation and she has visited her Dad regularly? And he has been paying CS that was never court ordered ( I know they wont consider non Crt ordered ).

 

[Proserpina]

This is sounding bad. Although we never had a relationship after the original seperation and she has visited her Dad regularly? And he has been paying CS that was never court ordered ( I know they wont consider non Crt ordered ).

Seriously.

The legal father here is the person who was married to Mom when the child was born. He had the chance THEN to disestablish paternity and has had a LONG time to do so since that time.

It may well be too late to do so now.

 

[Calman]

Since I last post I saw a Lawyer that suggested I leave things the way they are, since I had no good reason to follow thru on the divorce.

Since then I have been pre approved for a home loan and needed to finish the divorce, so she would have no claim on my house.

After her daughter turns 18 next year I will let you know how court turns out regarding her wanting allimony.

Thanks for all your advice.

 

[Proserpina]

Did the attorney advise you regarding the legal paternity of the then-14 year old?

 

[Calman]

The 14 yr old is 17. Has it been that long since I first post? Maybe I made a mistake on her age. The Lawyer thought since her real dad was on the birth cirtificate I had little to worry about. Since she will be 18 next year its almost a mute point now. Her real dad has been paying or at least his mom has been paying the child support.

I actually thought about leaving the State but with the economy the way it is and at my age I didn't want to move to a Humid Climate and leave a job that I have been at for 6 years. The two biggest reason's not to move was to stay near my kids and California has a medical cannabis law where as many of the states don't. With my Arthritis and kids I need to stay here.

I only hope my Divorce Papers show up before the second bank approves the short sale. Since its a VA loan they say I most likely would have to run her credit which won't work since she has bad credit.