17- year-old seeking name change

P

Peg35

New Member
Jurisdiction
Texas
Hi all. My son is 17 in two months. He has no relationship with his biological father, no court orders for anything, no contact between them. Bio dad is listed as his father on the BC. My son has said he wants to change his name since he was around 7, I married his step-dad when was 2, we are still married, and he wants to carry "his dads" last name.

Bio dad finally made contact via social media in late 2017 seeking visitation/phone communication.I had huge concerns, but I felt I should see where my son stood on the issue. My son had no interest. I convey this message. He says he understands, he will be patient. He starts to message more over the next couple of weeks, I sent pictures of our son as he asked for them, I engaged in simple chit-chat a couple of times and it seemed to really blur the lines for him...he began calling me before he went to work, on his breaks, after work. . It was odd, I located and contacted some of his family, and was told he was still up to old habits. I then asked him if he would allow a name change and it caused an argument. He was going to get legal representation and take custody of our son etc. Since 2017 he has messaged/called sporadically, he maintains I have poisoned our child against him and is basically in some sort of deep denial. I don't know why I even answer/respond sometimes...

A few days ago my son asked me again about a name change, without getting too much into it, he is dealing recently with some tough medical issues and it really means something to him. My husband and I have told him countless times it's just a name, he is "his dads" son, we are a family, but he hates being called by his current name, hates having to explain to friends, teachers, doctors etc why his name is different from "his dads". I also think he is depressed over these medical concerns, and his mind has been in rather dark places. He really pressed me on reaching out again, I did. It was explosive. I'm really angry, my son is sad, I can't even sleep. I'm stressed out myself, I just want him to feel a bit better. I understand my son's feelings, but bio dad is way over the top of lunacy hill with it. "It's his son, he will always carry his name, it's the name of his daddy". He is a whole soap opera. I'm like woah dude, if you love this young man so damn much why not do this one thing for him. I don't expect him to be a great dude with excellent reasoning skills, but geesh. His sister has contacted me saying she heard about all of this and thinks that he should allow it and is going to try and convince him to agree to it. If he does agree would a notarized letter from him suffice for a minor's name change in Tx, if he doesn't are there any options? My son is adamant he doesn't want to see him through any process, he says he feels it would be too much of a heated exchange on his end, as we all imagine bio dad would make some large emotional scene and as my son said "I'm not there for it"... Any ideas or suggestions are welcome.
 
Tell him to wait one more year and he can do whatever he wants. He has waited this long, one more year is a piece of cake.

He needs to understand that changing his name does not change who he is or where he comes from. It is only symbolic.
 
Peg35 said:
. If he does agree would a notarized letter from him suffice for a minor's name change in Tx,
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Probably not. I'm guessing that the petition for name change would have to be signed by bio-dad. You can go to your local court's website and look for the forms.

Although that's probably a waste of time given the bio-dad's objection.

Here's a simple solution.

Have your son start identifying himself with your husband's last name. He can announce that to his friends. You can ask the school to change his records. They probably won't but they might.

Legally, he will still carry his bio-dad's name and he'll have to deal with that for another year or so and then he can go to court and get his name changed. It's a rather simple process for an adult.

Meantime, using your husband's last name wherever he can might help him emotionally.
 
adjusterjack said:
Probably not. I'm guessing that the petition for name change would have to be signed by bio-dad. You can go to your local court's website and look for the forms.

Although that's probably a waste of time given the bio-dad's objection.

Here's a simple solution.

Have your son start identifying himself with your husband's last name. He can announce that to his friends. You can ask the school to change his records. They probably won't but they might.

Legally, he will still carry his bio-dad's name and he'll have to deal with that for another year or so and then he can go to court and get his name changed. It's a rather simple process for an adult.

Meantime, using your husband's last name wherever he can might help him emotionally.
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A step kid of one of my siblings did exactly this.

The kid's high school graduation gift to herself was to legally change her surname.
 
The kid will be 18 years old in 14 months.

Adults can do most anything our laws allow.

The simplest solution would be tell him, "Son, you can change your name when you become an adult in 14 months. I'll help you all I can at that time, and you won't require anyone's permission to do so."

There's always a workaround available if we take some time to ponder life's little issues.
 
And honestly? I don't mean this nastily, I really don't. But it probably won't do Sonny any harm to learn that you can't always get what you want right when you want it, and that having a challenge to obtain something really important can make it much more meaningful when you eventually get it, rather than just getting it for the asking.
 
Peg35 said:
Hi all. My son is 17 in two months. He has no relationship with his biological father, no court orders for anything, no contact between them. Bio dad is listed as his father on the BC. My son has said he wants to change his name since he was around 7, I married his step-dad when was 2, we are still married, and he wants to carry "his dads" last name.

Bio dad finally made contact via social media in late 2017 seeking visitation/phone communication.I had huge concerns, but I felt I should see where my son stood on the issue. My son had no interest. I convey this message. He says he understands, he will be patient. He starts to message more over the next couple of weeks, I sent pictures of our son as he asked for them, I engaged in simple chit-chat a couple of times and it seemed to really blur the lines for him...he began calling me before he went to work, on his breaks, after work. . It was odd, I located and contacted some of his family, and was told he was still up to old habits. I then asked him if he would allow a name change and it caused an argument. He was going to get legal representation and take custody of our son etc. Since 2017 he has messaged/called sporadically, he maintains I have poisoned our child against him and is basically in some sort of deep denial. I don't know why I even answer/respond sometimes...

A few days ago my son asked me again about a name change, without getting too much into it, he is dealing recently with some tough medical issues and it really means something to him. My husband and I have told him countless times it's just a name, he is "his dads" son, we are a family, but he hates being called by his current name, hates having to explain to friends, teachers, doctors etc why his name is different from "his dads". I also think he is depressed over these medical concerns, and his mind has been in rather dark places. He really pressed me on reaching out again, I did. It was explosive. I'm really angry, my son is sad, I can't even sleep. I'm stressed out myself, I just want him to feel a bit better. I understand my son's feelings, but bio dad is way over the top of lunacy hill with it. "It's his son, he will always carry his name, it's the name of his daddy". He is a whole soap opera. I'm like woah dude, if you love this young man so damn much why not do this one thing for him. I don't expect him to be a great dude with excellent reasoning skills, but geesh. His sister has contacted me saying she heard about all of this and thinks that he should allow it and is going to try and convince him to agree to it. If he does agree would a notarized letter from him suffice for a minor's name change in Tx, if he doesn't are there any options? My son is adamant he doesn't want to see him through any process, he says he feels it would be too much of a heated exchange on his end, as we all imagine bio dad would make some large emotional scene and as my son said "I'm not there for it"... Any ideas or suggestions are welcome.
Click to expand...

He can either just wait until he's 18 and he can legally change it to whatever he wants (which is probably going to be the easier route) or you can go to your county courthouse or their website and see what's needed to change the kid's last name. Usually, there has to be either permission from the other parent as well and benefit the kid or you show you attempted to contact the other parent and couldn't.

Honestly it's probably going to be easiest for your child to just wait until he's 18 and file to change his name himself. Then you don't have to even talk to the bio dad at all and your son never has to talk to him or see him either.
 
Zigner said:
Why don't you and your husband change your name to match his?
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Why would they change it to match a name the son wants nothing to do with? The easiest thing is probably going to be the kid changes it when he turns 18 to whatever name he wants.
 
leslie82 said:
Why would they change it to match a name the son wants nothing to do with? The easiest thing is probably going to be the kid changes it when he turns 18 to whatever name he wants.
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I don't disagree with you - that's a standard response I give when a parent wants to change a child's name to match the new daddy's name.
I can see that it might not be as applicable to a 17 year old.
 

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