17 year old daughter just gave birth

[miani0934]

Jurisdiction

New York

My daughter who is one month past her 17th birthday. Just have birth to a baby. Her boyfriend who I was told was 18 years of age. Right before the baby was born, my daughters boyfriend was very disrespectful and I asked him to leave my home. As I will not tolerate that kind of behavior. He caused a big seen my daughter was 9 months pregnant. Needless to say cops were called. He left. My daughter ended up giving birth 6 days later which was a week and a half early due to preeclampsia. I stayed with my daughter throughout the hospital stay. Even picked up the boyfriend at 4 in the morning for him to see his newborn son. He was rude and blamed me he missed the birth of his son. I went home after this and had not returned to the hospital until my daughter was discharged as the boyfriend stayed and I refused to be around him. So that is the background. This is my issue. I cleaned my daughters room so when she came home the baby had a clean environment, as my daughter does not like to clean. Upon cleaning I found the boyfriends drivers license in her belongings which showed he was not 18 years of age. He was 21. So here we have my newly turned 17 year old daughter, who became pregnant at 16 years old, and her boyfriend who is apparently 21 years of age. This was a huge argument. And feared my daughter would run away with her baby to stay with boyfriends family. I said nothing more than he is not allowed or welcome in my home. In the family car. In retaliation the boyfriend had threatened to come get my daughter with his son and will take me to court if he has to. Now I don't know the law very well. But is this something he can actually do. And does he have a foot to stand on. Because if what I have been reading from the Internet, this is statutory rape. Because of the ages. And am I held accountable for something I was not aware of until after the damage was done. Meaning her being pregnant and delivering. What rights do I have legally. And is there anything that can be done without being in trouble myself for something I did not know at the time.

 

[army judge]

Unmarried males who sire or spawn babies have NO LEGAL rights to the child.

ALL legal rights are vested in the birth mother at the moment the bay is born.

The unmarried male must go to court, request a paternity test, to prove his paternity or NOT.

Once the DNA says he's the daddy, the court must issue an order declaring it so, and child support comes next.

Your daughter was ravished and raped by a 21 year old adult.

If I were you, I'd report the RAPE (aka - child sexual molestation) to the police or sheriff and ask that the matter be investigated and the adult prosecuted.

If people prosecute child molesters, society gets them off the street and they are required to register as sexual predators.

I bet your child isn't the first child this skunk has ravished.

 

[miani0934]

Unmarried males who sire or spawn babies have NO LEGAL rights to the child.

ALL legal rights are vested in the birth mother at the moment the bay is born.

The unmarried male must go to court, request a paternity test, to prove his paternity or NOT.

Once the DNA says he's the daddy, the court must issue an order declaring it so, and child support comes next.

Your daughter was ravished and raped by a 21 year old adult.

If I were you, I'd report the RAPE (aka - child sexual molestation) to the police or sheriff and ask that the matter be investigated and the adult prosecuted.

If people prosecute child molesters, society gets them off the street and they are required to register as sexual predators.

I bet your child isn't the first child this skunk has ravished.

I know she allowed him to sign the birth certificate against my better judgement. I just don't want to go to jail myself when I am the one held responsible for my daughter. She is emotionally unsteady, as a early teen as tried in more than one attempt to end her life from being bullied. So I have been trying to tread lightly and carefully that she does not end up doing something stupid. She has just given birth 3 day ago. And is struggling with what to do because she does not want to leave home, but she does not want the father to grow up fatherless as she did. I'm just so confused and heartbroken being stuck.

 

[adjusterjack]

In NY it's third-degree rape for anyone over 21 to have sex with anyone under 17. The penalty is up to 4 years in prison.

You have the proof of his age.

Your daughter was under 17 when she was raped.

Report it to the authorities right now and get him locked up.

Fail and the consequences are on you.

 

[Highwayman]

The boyfriend cannot take you to court for anything, sounds like he knows nothing.

I will echo the previous advice - report this to the police ASAP and get him locked up.

 

[mightymoose]

If that dummy signed the birth certificate he also signed his own ticket to prison.

I agree. Report this to law enforcement. They will pick him up in a heartbeat.

Your daughter can not leave home without your permission, and if he assists her to do so he will be committing additional crimes.

Protect your daughter from this sexual predator. She does not have to agree with this. It is the right thing to do.

 

[mightymoose]

Also, he has no right of access or visitation to the child until it is established by the court.
You might also seek a restraining order against him to protect yourself and your daughter.

 

[army judge]

I know she allowed him to sign the birth certificate against my better judgement. I just don't want to go to jail myself when I am the one held responsible for my daughter. She is emotionally unsteady, as a early teen as tried in more than one attempt to end her life from being bullied. So I have been trying to tread lightly and carefully that she does not end up doing something stupid. She has just given birth 3 day ago. And is struggling with what to do because she does not want to leave home, but she does not want the father to grow up fatherless as she did. I'm just so confused and heartbroken being stuck.

You and your child have done NOTHING wrong.

A male, adult, sexual predator RAPED your minor child, daughter.

Most parents would want such a sexual deviate prosecuted to fullest extent of the law.

Your daughter needs help, psychological, psychiatric, rape counseling HELP.

Each minute you delay, other girls are being ravished, abused, sexually assaulted, and impregnated.

I hope you get the police involved, and get all of the professional help your child desperately needs.

 

[mightymoose]

That's a good point being brought up. Do nothing and this person can ruin other young girls.
There is a good chance this person is already involved with other young girls. Let the police investigate.

 

[zddoodah]

the boyfriend had threatened to come get my daughter with his son and will take me to court if he has to. Now I don't know the law very well. But is this something he can actually do.

He can seek to establish paternity and, if he does, he can seek custody of or visitation with his child. Beyond that, the answer is no.

if what I have been reading from the Internet, this is statutory rape. Because of the ages.

It's not clear. You wrote that your child is now 17 years and 1 month, which means she was roughly 16 years and 3-4 months when conception occurred. You wrote that, "upon cleaning[, you] found the boyfriends drivers license in her belongings which showed he was not 18 years of age. He was 21. So here we have my newly turned 17 year old daughter, who became pregnant at 16 years old, and her boyfriend who is apparently 21 years of age." It makes no difference what his age is now, but it makes a huge difference how old he was at the time of conception. If he was 21 or older, then what happened was third-degree rape. If he wasn't yet 21, then it wasn't a crime.

am I held accountable for something I was not aware of until after the damage was done.

I don't understand the question. Are you being held accountable to whom? For what?

What rights do I have legally.

It would serve no useful purpose to try and create a list of legal rights. That said, you're your daughter's parent and also have the right to exclude her boyfriend from your home.

is there anything that can be done without being in trouble myself for something I did not know at the time.

I don't understand your concern about you getting in trouble for anything, and yes, lots of things can be done. What would you like to do?

I know she allowed him to sign the birth certificate

Parents don't sign birth certificates.

I just don't want to go to jail myself

What on Earth would make you think you might go to jail? What crime do you think you committed?

By the way, despite the exhortations you have already received in this thread, whether or not you report this statutory rape to the authorities is not a decision to be made lightly or based on input from anonymous strangers on the internet. As you noted, prosecution may result in the child growing up without a father. It will also render the purported father unable to pay child support, which I'm guessing would come in quite handy to a 17yo mother. If you report him, it may also destroy your relationship with your child such that you never see your grandchild again. Again, this is not a decision to be made lightly.

 

[miani0934]

He can seek to establish paternity and, if he does, he can seek custody of or visitation with his child. Beyond that, the answer is no.



It's not clear. You wrote that your child is now 17 years and 1 month, which means she was roughly 16 years and 3-4 months when conception occurred. You wrote that, "upon cleaning[, you] found the boyfriends drivers license in her belongings which showed he was not 18 years of age. He was 21. So here we have my newly turned 17 year old daughter, who became pregnant at 16 years old, and her boyfriend who is apparently 21 years of age." It makes no difference what his age is now, but it makes a huge difference how old he was at the time of conception. If he was 21 or older, then what happened was third-degree rape. If he wasn't yet 21, then it wasn't a crime.

- when her relationship with began, she was 16, he was 18 (age I was told, he was actually 20) when the baby was conceived she was 16 and he had turned 19 (which I was told, actually turned 21) my daughter just turned 17 a month ago.

I don't understand the question. Are you being held accountable to whom? For what?

- I read on Internet that I can be held liable and possible charged with the endangerment of the welfare of a child.

It would serve no useful purpose to try and create a list of legal rights. That said, you're your daughter's parent and also have the right to exclude her boyfriend from your home.



I don't understand your concern about you getting in trouble for anything, and yes, lots of things can be done. What would you like to do?
- as I said previously, I saw, that I can be charged with endangerment of the welfare of the child. I didn't know until the damage was done. Meaning her pregnancy. I don't know what I want to do. It is a tough decision because he is the baby's father, my daughter would hate me, and possibly run away with the baby. But I don't feel like I should be constantly harrassed or made to make a decision to like or encourage this relationship. As he has already given her a ultimatum either she moves out with him. Or he will take her to court for custody of the baby. Which through her into an emotional spiral. She just have birth 4 days ago. Who does that.


Parents don't sign birth certificates.

-well his. Name is on birth certificate as the father.

What on Earth would make you think you might go to jail? What crime do you think you committed?

By the way, despite the exhortations you have already received in this thread, whether or not you report this statutory rape to the authorities is not a decision to be made lightly or based on input from anonymous strangers on the internet. As you noted, prosecution may result in the child growing up without a father. It will also render the purported father unable to pay child support, which I'm guessing would come in quite handy to a 17yo mother. If you report him, it may also destroy your relationship with your child such that you never see your grandchild again. Again, this is not a decision to be made lightly.

 

[zddoodah]

In any future posts, if you use the quote function, please don't put your response in the quote box. It makes it really easy to miss that you did anything other than quote.

I read on Internet that I can be held liable and possible charged with the endangerment of the welfare of a child.

Based on what? The fact that your underage child had sex? Where "on [the] Internet" did you read that? In any event, it's not true.

well his. Name is on birth certificate as the father.

Obviously, that's very different from signing the birth certificate. Whether his name is on the birth certificate simply because your daughter identified him as the father or for some other reason may impact the paternity issue. However, until a court enters an order giving him the right of custody or visitation, he has no such rights.

 

[ElleMD]

For one, I would verify that the guy really is 21. It seems ..odd.. that it would be in your daughter's bedroom and not in his wallet. Are you sure this was not a fake ID? It not being on his person and proclaiming him to be "21" is highly suspicious.

There is some risk to the parent if they allowed the sexual relationship as the daughter was a minor. It does not matter how old the guy was.

It sounds like he signed not the birth certificate, but the "Acknowledgement of Paternity" while at the hospital. I have no earthly idea why you would be against that. He does not lose his legal rights as a father because you don't like him. If he has been legally established as the father, he has equal rights to the child as your daughter. He can be ordered to pay child support, but he also is entitled to visitation and custody. Your daughter lives where you tell her to live until she turns 18. The minute she turns 18, she may live where ever she chooses. If you intend to be part of her and your grandson's life in 11 months, I highly suggest finding a way to get along with the father of the baby. For better or worse, she is tied to this guy for at least the next 18 years. She is only 17 and just had a baby. The last thing she needs is her mother and father of her child, at odds.

If he truly did lie to her about his age or rape her, talk to an attorney. If you are only considering reporting this now out of revenge, think long and hard about what that is going to mean for your daughter, grandchild, and your relationship going forward. Assuming it does end up being prosecuted, your child might have to take the stand and testify to details about her sex life.

 

[leslie82]

My daughter who is one month past her 17th birthday. Just have birth to a baby. Her boyfriend who I was told was 18 years of age. Right before the baby was born, my daughters boyfriend was very disrespectful and I asked him to leave my home. As I will not tolerate that kind of behavior. He caused a big seen my daughter was 9 months pregnant. Needless to say cops were called. He left. My daughter ended up giving birth 6 days later which was a week and a half early due to preeclampsia. I stayed with my daughter throughout the hospital stay. Even picked up the boyfriend at 4 in the morning for him to see his newborn son. He was rude and blamed me he missed the birth of his son. I went home after this and had not returned to the hospital until my daughter was discharged as the boyfriend stayed and I refused to be around him. So that is the background. This is my issue. I cleaned my daughters room so when she came home the baby had a clean environment, as my daughter does not like to clean. Upon cleaning I found the boyfriends drivers license in her belongings which showed he was not 18 years of age. He was 21. So here we have my newly turned 17 year old daughter, who became pregnant at 16 years old, and her boyfriend who is apparently 21 years of age. This was a huge argument. And feared my daughter would run away with her baby to stay with boyfriends family. I said nothing more than he is not allowed or welcome in my home. In the family car. In retaliation the boyfriend had threatened to come get my daughter with his son and will take me to court if he has to. Now I don't know the law very well. But is this something he can actually do. And does he have a foot to stand on. Because if what I have been reading from the Internet, this is statutory rape. Because of the ages. And am I held accountable for something I was not aware of until after the damage was done. Meaning her being pregnant and delivering. What rights do I have legally. And is there anything that can be done without being in trouble myself for something I did not know at the time.

So why haven't you called the police yet and reported this man for raping your daughter? You have all the evidence...turn him in. He will just do it again.

That man has no legal rights to your grandchild until he goes to court and establishes them. Signing the birth certificate doesn't get him rights.

Why would you be held accountable for him raping your daughter? You just found out. Now if you don't report it immediately you COULD be held accountable. So go report it right now. Today. Tell them you just found out he's 21 and that she just turned 17. They will investigate - probably do a DNA test and find out if that's his kid and if so, then bam. Prison. So what if your daughter gets mad at you about it? What's more important? Plus he signed the birth certificate so he is even dumber than already mentioned.

He would be a moron if he went to court with this. But it won't matter he won't get the chance if you just report him to the police.

 

[mightymoose]

It makes no difference what his age is now, but it makes a huge difference how old he was at the time of conception. If he was 21 or older, then what happened was third-degree rape. If he wasn't yet 21, then it wasn't a crime.

This is not accurate. His age might only help to reduce a felony to a misdemeanor. If he was under 21 it would not be classified as rape but would fall into the category of sexual misconduct (130.20) where there is no exception for the age.
Also, there is a sexual relationship taking place. It does not matter his age at the time of conception, but rather his age each and every time they engaged in intercourse, which could well include when he was 21.

Parents don't sign birth certificates.

My mother signed mine. Perhaps this varies by state.

What on Earth would make you think you might go to jail? What crime do you think you committed?

Sometimes, under very different circumstances than this, a case of child abuse/neglect can be made against the parents. This is typically when they have knowledge of what is taking place and allow it to continue. As the OP explains this scenario there is nothing for her to worry about, but I suspect she has heard of those other instances where parents were prosecuted.

 

[mightymoose]

@miani0934

In my experience investigating similar sex crimes I have found it to be very likely that an older male such as in this case will have at least one other underage female he is involved with simultaneously, especially during the period which there is a pregnancy.
When you do not report the matter you enable sexual predators to get away with their crimes and embolden them to continue, potentially allowing others to be victimized.
This man has taken advantage of your daughter for sexual gratification. Don't expect him to be there for her just because there is a child now. If he truly wants to be a father to the child he will do so even after this is investigated and he serves any potential sentence for his crime.

 

[miani0934]

So while, making sure everything is accurate and true to the facts. He is 21, as soon as i found out. I put a stop to what I can control in my home. At time of conception he was 21 and my daughter 16. He did not lie to her. I was lied to by them both. My daughter had his Id in her possession as she had it in her car, after taking him to cash his check. I have not went to police yet, as I was making sure this was accurate and as I explained before, my daughter is very easily persuaded and she has attempted ending her life on multiple occasions previously. I have since taken her phone and went through messages and text. And found them planning to get a place together and marriage when she is of age. She has even went as far as telling him she would give custody to the father and ending her life. Just so it will all end. I did not and do not condone this relationship and for what I have read. And asked common friends with family. They were both each other's first relationship and sexual experiences. I plan on taking action after the weekend. As they continue to try and sneak and he continues to disrespectfully insult and speak to me. When I catch him on my property.

 

[mightymoose]

Why wait until after the weekend? Police are available 24/7.
What if something happens to your daughter between now and then?
The information in her cell phone is a gold mine for law enforcement. Give it to them.
No need for you to verify details- simply report what you know or suspect and let them do them investigating!
I assure you if you report to them what you have reported here they will be swarming all over this, eager to help you and your daughter.

 

[mightymoose]

my daughter is very easily persuaded and she has attempted ending her life on multiple occasions previously.

This is why you need to take action NOW. This is also a big reason why it is illegal on his part.

I have since taken her phone and went through messages and text. And found them planning to get a place together

She can't legally do this without your permission, and his discussion of it with her may be another lesser crime of enticement or contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

She has even went as far as telling him she would give custody to the father and ending her life.

Your daughter is need of help, and you might not be the person she will respond to. You might consider finding her a counselor to speak with about her troubles.

They were both each other's first relationship and sexual experiences.

That could be true, but is less likely for him. You have already been lied to, so don't count on anything you've been told being true. He would not want her to know how many other girls he was fooling around with over the last year.

I plan on taking action after the weekend.

The time to take action is now, and always has been NOW. Your daughter is contemplating suicide and you wait until after the weekend?

As they continue to try and sneak and he continues to disrespectfully insult and speak to me. When I catch him on my property.

Contact police, tell them everything, and ask to get a restraining order. They will explain the process. He will not be allowed to come anywhere near you or your daughter or attempt to have any contact with either of you. If he violates the order he will go to jail (if he isn't already there).

 

[leslie82]

So while, making sure everything is accurate and true to the facts. He is 21, as soon as i found out. I put a stop to what I can control in my home. At time of conception he was 21 and my daughter 16. He did not lie to her. I was lied to by them both. My daughter had his Id in her possession as she had it in her car, after taking him to cash his check. I have not went to police yet, as I was making sure this was accurate and as I explained before, my daughter is very easily persuaded and she has attempted ending her life on multiple occasions previously. I have since taken her phone and went through messages and text. And found them planning to get a place together and marriage when she is of age. She has even went as far as telling him she would give custody to the father and ending her life. Just so it will all end. I did not and do not condone this relationship and for what I have read. And asked common friends with family. They were both each other's first relationship and sexual experiences. I plan on taking action after the weekend. As they continue to try and sneak and he continues to disrespectfully insult and speak to me. When I catch him on my property.

Call the cops!! Why are you waiting especially if she's threatening to kill herself?

Yeah right. She was not his first and if you believe that I can sell you some beachfront property in Kansas.

Report him to the police and then he gets arrested - and then you don't have to worry about him. He signed the paternity affidavit and isn't denying he had sex with her. He's making it easy for you and the cops.

If I found out my daughter got pregnant from a 21 year old man at 16 I'd call the damn cops. Because the cops better get to him before I do.