13 yr old wants to make his own decisions

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momma_2_four

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I'm looking for knowledge here as best it can be applied.

My son from a previous relationship is 12 years old. His dad & I currently share 50/50 legal and residential custody with me being the primary for child support purposes. It is a true 50/50. He stays at his dad's/grandma's on Mon/Tues & every other Friday through Monday morning. He is with me every Wed/Thurs and every other Friday through Monday morning. We have had this arrangement for 3 years now. It isn't easy, but we have managed to make it work - considering his dad won't speak to me, ever for any reason (phone, email or txt). Fortunately, we've not had any major issues.

Our son seems to recently have come to the conclusion that since he does not want to go to school in the district where I live that he only has to wait until he is 13 and then he can tell the judge that he wants to live with his dad and go to school in the district his dad lives in. We, the parents, had this battle in 2011 already where the conciliator recommended our son attend the school in the district I live in so his dad acquiesced instead of taking it on to court. I have tried to explain to my child that one of us would have to bring the petition to the court for him to even have an opportunity to address the judge and as far as I knew it was all settled at this time, not that either of us couldn't petition the court, but there have been absolutely no changes to either of our circumstances since we were last in court.

My son is a very smart kid when he wants to be. But it seems he thinks that by failing his classes, especially the ones he doesn't like (math), then it will give him the opportunity he seeks to not only go live with his dad full time but also change schools. His grandfather is a municipal judge that previously did some work in the family courts as a lawyer and I'm wondering if he is learning these things by listening to the adults there talk.

He wants to go live with dad because he has no responsibilities there, whereas with me he has chores and has to help maintaining the household. He also has 3 siblings with me and at his dad's he spends most of his time with his uncle or grandparents where he is the only child and has 100% of the attention.

I've had him read some of the answers from this site before so that he can hear it from others & learn the laws. He was truly shocked by the one that said all of his money & belongings weren't really his, but mine until he was adult. He truly is smart and intends to be a lawyer himself one day. As for me, courts and lawyers freak me out, I'm prone to anxiety and for some reason that is one of my triggers. And when my anxiety hits I can't think straight.

So my question is, if his dad does petition for a change in school and/or custody arrangements again will the courts listen to what he has to say? He doesn't have any good reasons for wanting this and it is obvious his reasons are mostly superficial unless someone starts coaching him on what to say. Is 13 old enough to truly have a say in where he will go to school or live?
 
He is 13. Put him in an electronically empty bedroom every night and on weekends, after you parked him at the kitchen table for 3 or 4 hours every night, until he produces good grades. No the court is unlikely to allow an unruly 13 year old to run their judicial process.
 
I'm looking for knowledge here as best it can be applied.


So my question is, if his dad does petition for a change in school and/or custody arrangements again will the courts listen to what he has to say?

Yes, the court has an obligation to hear all motions.

Nothing unusual about that.



He doesn't have any good reasons for wanting this and it is obvious his reasons are mostly superficial unless someone starts coaching him on what to say.


Is a 13 old enough to truly have a say in where he will go to school or live?

A 13 year old is a legal incompetent.

The court takes no notice of legal incompetents, because they are NOT people.

Adults, of sound mind and body, as well as legal corporations are persons.

As persons, the court takes notice of their complaints and concerns.

The only way a court would ever hear anything a 13 year had to say is if dad or you were to voice his concerns.

That doesn't mean diddly squat in the end.

I suggest you put your mother foor down and stop tolerating nonsense from your child.

Do most bosses care what their hired help has to say?

You're his boss.

If you can't control him, transfer custody to his father.

By the way, there are many people to whom I don't speak.

Dad's ability to remain silent to anything you have to say is smart.

It takes two to argue.

As long as he continues to ignore you, there will be no arguments between you two.
 
Thanks for the input guys. He already has no electronics, tv, video games, etc allowed in his room. And the ones that are in the common areas are all password protected (with regularly changing passwords) so that he must show his homework & chores are done before he is allowed to use any of them. It is rare that he gets to use anything as he spends more time complaining and trying to get out of work than it would take for him to get it done and bedtime is strictly adhered to with the very early mornings they have.
 
With time and patience, you should be able to teach him to adjust. Allow him to earn privileges back slowly.


Thanks for the input guys. He already has no electronics, tv, video games, etc allowed in his room. And the ones that are in the common areas are all password protected (with regularly changing passwords) so that he must show his homework & chores are done before he is allowed to use any of them. It is rare that he gets to use anything as he spends more time complaining and trying to get out of work than it would take for him to get it done and bedtime is strictly adhered to with the very early mornings they have.
 
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