longtime boyfriend died, I should be the one getting his pension

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H

Hawarden

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Iowa
Hello,

My boyfriend of 38 years suddenly died. He was at the same place of employment for 40 years and was due a pension. I worked part time over the years and have been retired for past 14 years. I believe that I should, do to our longstanding relationship, be the beneficiary of his pension..I feel that a 38 year relationship should count as a common law marriage and/or civil union.
Below are the facts:

* whille together, we both owned our own houses (never owned jointly)
* never lived together, though in the past year when he started getting sick, I stayed at his house about 180 days out of a year
* owned our own vehicles (never owned jointly)
* occasionally stayed overnight at each others home
* went on a few annual trips, he usually paid for all expenses
* he has 4 children, who are beneficiary's of his will...he had the pension at a 4 way split with childen
* due to our 38 year relationship, I feel that this should qualify the relationship as a common law marriage or a civil union
* I say that this common law/civil union marriage should be back dated to 38 years ago, the exact date that we started dating. I should be sole receipent of his pension

What say you?
 
I say that unless his pension not only had a joint and survivor option, but that he had elected it and named you as his J&S beneficiary, your feelings on the matter have no legal support.
 
Hawarden said:
Hello,

My boyfriend of 38 years suddenly died. He was at the same place of employment for 40 years and was due a pension. I worked part time over the years and have been retired for past 14 years. I believe that I should, do to our longstanding relationship, be the beneficiary of his pension..I feel that a 38 year relationship should count as a common law marriage and/or civil union.
Below are the facts:

* whille together, we both owned our own houses (never owned jointly)
* never lived together, though in the past year when he started getting sick, I stayed at his house about 180 days out of a year
* owned our own vehicles (never owned jointly)
* occasionally stayed overnight at each others home
* went on a few annual trips, he usually paid for all expenses
* he has 4 children, who are beneficiary's of his will...he had the pension at a 4 way split with childen
* due to our 38 year relationship, I feel that this should qualify the relationship as a common law marriage or a civil union
* I say that this common law/civil union marriage should be back dated to 38 years ago, the exact date that we started dating. I should be sole receipent of his pension

What say you?
Click to expand...
You are not common law married, in any way, shape or form. You are entitled to nothing unless you were named as a beneficiary.

If you want the benefits and protections of marriage you should have married the man.


I am very sorry for your loss.
 
hold it! I forgot to mention, that;
* a bout a year before he died, I had sold my house and bought another (cash, no mortgage). He paid for about 25% of the cost of new house (but, he's not on the deed, only I)
* iowa law says that in a civil union, a party in relationship must declare that they were in a marriage. Since he's died, I've told everyone that we were in a common law marriage, a civil union
 
Hawarden said:
hold it! I forgot to mention, that;
* a bout a year before he died, I had sold my house and bought another (cash, no mortgage). He paid for about 25% of the cost of new house (but, he's not on the deed, only I)
* iowa law says that in a civil union, a party in relationship must declare that they were in a marriage. Since he's died, I've told everyone that we were in a common law marriage, a civil union
Click to expand...

You had to be asserting that you had a common law marriage before he died. Telling people after he died when he can no longer contest your assertion of a common law marriage isn't going to work. You also have to have had a relationship consistent with marriage, and clearly you did not have that. You lived in separate homes, only occasionally stayed the night together one of your homes, and didn't own any major assets jointly. You also had no children together nor do I see anything in your post that the two of you considered yourselves to be married. Quite frankly, your situation strikes me as a classic long term dating relationship, not a marriage. You'll have a very hard time convincing a court of a common law marriage on these facts.
 
In his last year of life, it was I who would take him to the dr. appointments and chemo therapy.

everyone knew we were common law married, it was obvious by having a 38 year relationship. we didn't have to have our union solemnized.

Iowa law says that a common law marriage must be announced. Well, I"m announcin g it
 
Hawarden said:
In his last year of life, it was I who would take him to the dr. appointments and chemo therapy.

everyone knew we were common law married, it was obvious by having a 38 year relationship. we didn't have to have our union solemnized.

Iowa law says that a common law marriage must be announced. Well, I"m announcin g it
Click to expand...
You don't seem to understand - the horse is out of the barn. He's dead and can't confirm or deny what his intentions were wrt your relationship. It's too late.
 
Hawarden said:
In his last year of life, it was I who would take him to the dr. appointments and chemo therapy.

everyone knew we were common law married, it was obvious by having a 38 year relationship. we didn't have to have our union solemnized.

Iowa law says that a common law marriage must be announced. Well, I"m announcin g it
Click to expand...
But you did so AFTER he passed...and BOTH parties must present as married. Per everything you have posted you and he neither proclaimed to be married or lived as a married couple.

You and he lived as a long-term boyfriend and girlfriend. Even in your postings you don't refer to him as your husband.

It seems that you are upset and disappointed that he didn't leave you anything in his will and you are trying to find a way to wiggle $$ from his estate. Let it go...his children inherited, as they should in this situation.

Before he passed he gifted you a large sum to help pay for your new home...That was very kind of him.
 
Hawarden said:
I believe that I should, do to our longstanding relationship, be the beneficiary of his pension..I feel that a 38 year relationship should count as a common law marriage and/or civil union.
Click to expand...

Iowa is one of the states that still allows the formation of common law marriage. In order for a common law marriage to exist, (1) there must be an agreement between the couple that they are married, (2) the couple must live together continuously as spouses, and (3) the couple must hold themselves out publicly as a married couple.

Hawarden said:
* never lived together
Click to expand...

Then you didn't have a common law marriage.

Hawarden said:
* he has 4 children, who are beneficiary's of his will...he had the pension at a 4 way split with childen
Click to expand...

Even more evidence that (1) you weren't married, and (2) he didn't want you to have his pension benefits.

Hawarden said:
* due to our 38 year relationship, I feel that this should qualify the relationship as a common law marriage or a civil union
Click to expand...

So...you think simply being boyfriend/girlfriend for a long time should make you married, even though there was obviously no joint intent to be married? I'm not really sure what you mean by "civil union."

Hawarden said:
* iowa law says that in a civil union, a party in relationship must declare that they were in a marriage.
Click to expand...

I can find no evidence of anything called a "civil union" in Iowa.

Hawarden said:
Since he's died, I've told everyone that we were in a common law marriage, a civil union
Click to expand...

Isn't that convenient. Next time some unmarried wealthy woman dies, maybe I'll tell everyone that she and I were in a common law marriage and claim entitlement to her estate.

Hawarden said:
In his last year of life, it was I who would take him to the dr. appointments and chemo therapy.
Click to expand...

That's exactly the sort of thing a girlfriend - or even a good platonic friend - would do.

Hawarden said:
everyone knew we were common law married, it was obvious by having a 38 year relationship.
Click to expand...

No they didn't.

Hawarden said:
Iowa law says that a common law marriage must be announced. Well, I"m announcin g it
Click to expand...

Sigh...Iowa law says no such thing. Someone previously linked the relevant statute. Iowa law says that "[t]he necessary elements of a common law marriage" include "(a) a present intent of both parties freely given to become married" and "(c) continuous cohabitation together as husband and wife." You have freely admitted in this thread that you didn't cohabitate (much less continuously). A "present" intent to be married means that the intent must have existed when you both were alive. How could you possibly prove such an intent when every piece of evidence you've mentioned indicates there was no intent to be married. As far as an "announcement," that means that, while your boyfriend was alive, you must have held yourselves out to the public as married. You can't just claim it after he's dead.

BOTTOM LINE: Everyone who has responded here has confirmed you didn't have a common law marriage. Arguing with us and throwing out irrelevant facts isn't going to change that. If you don't agree, hire yourself a lawyer to institute the appropriate legal proceeding to try and establish the existence of a common law marriage.
 
Common law marriage questions aside, the larger question is, Did your boyfriend, or did he not, list you as his beneficiary for the pension? That is a yes or no question.

Please respond with either yes, or no.
 
Hawarden said:
he has 4 children, who are beneficiary's of his will...he had the pension at a 4 way split with childen
Click to expand...

If he agreed with your assertion that you two were MARRIED as common law spouses, he'd have been unable to name his children as beneficiaries of his pension, because according to Iowa law the surviving spouse should receive the survivor's annuity residual for the remainder of her/his life.

Question. My husband recently passed away. His monthly pension check pays many of our bills. Will these payments continue?

Answer. In many cases, surviving spouses can continue to get pension benefits after the "participant" spouse (the one with the pension) dies. This payment option is called a "joint and survivor annuity." Under this option, the participant will get slightly smaller benefit payments during his or her life. If the participant dies first, his or her surviving spouse will then usually get 50 to 75 percent of the participant's payment. Rights to survivor benefits depends on whether the employer was public or private, when the spouse retired and whether survivor benefits were waived.

Private Pension Plans. If your spouse has a private pension and retired before 1985, he or she could "waive" or give up your survivor benefits without telling you. If your spouse retired during or after 1985, the plan must pay survivor benefits unless you waived these benefits in writing.

Public Pension Plans. Most federal government employees are in the CSRS and FERS pension plans. These plans have the same protections for a surviving spouse as private plans. Other federal employee plans, for example military and postal worker plans, have as good or better protection for surviving spouses.

Most state and public employees in Iowa participate in the Iowa Public Employee Retirement System (IPERS). If your spouse is a participant in IPERS and retired after 1986, you and your spouse must agree in writing on a benefit option.

Survivor Rights in a Divorce. If you are divorced, you can get survivor benefits through a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO). In some cases, a divorced spouse may get survivor benefits if he or she is the beneficiary of the pension.

This is a general summary of a surviving spouse's right to pension benefits. Pension plans are very complex.


If you think you should be getting a survivor's pension, you should contact a pension attorney. Iowans who need help with survivor's benefits or other pension issues can contact the Pension and Retirement Rights Project 1-800-992-8161. There is NO CHARGE for the services.

Iowa Legal Aid
<................... >
 
Army's post raises another issue which may or may not be pertinent. All pension plans are retirement plans, but not all retirement plans are pension plans. What TYPE of pension/retirement plan are we talking about? Defined Benefits? Defined Contribution? 401(k)? 403(b)? 401(a)? Something else?

And...had HE retired? Or was he still actively at work when he died?
 
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Misconceptions About Common Law Marriage in Iowa



Being married gives people certain legal rights. Many of these legal rights don't become important until the couple splits up. If there is a marriage, whether it is a "regular" marriage or a common law marriage, when the couple splits up they can get a divorce. In a divorce, the court can decide who is responsible for paying debts, divide real estate and other property, and in limited situations, award alimony.

If we live together for seven years, don't we have a common law marriage?

Maybe. There are three requirements for a couple to be married by common law in Iowa:

1.There must be an agreement that the people are married.
2.The couple must live together continuously as spouses.
3.The couple needs to present themselves publically as a married couple.

There is no specific time that the couple must live together to meet the second requirement. The couple does need to live together continuously, and not just occasionally or on weekends. They also need to live together as a couple, which generally means they need to have a sexual relationship.
Both people must meet all three requirements. For example, if one person considers themself married, but the other person doesn't, there is no common law marriage.

If my spouse and I consider ourselves to have a common law marriage, doesn't that mean we are married?

Not necessarily. It is the legal system rather than the couple that decides if there is a common law marriage. Until the legal system says there is a common law marriage, it is not absolutely clear whether one exists.

Is a common law marriage as good as a "regular" marriage?

Sort of. A person who has a marriage by common law has the same legal rights as a person who was married in a religious ceremony or in front of a judge or magistrate. The problem is it can be hard to prove whether a common law marriage exists. A marriage certificate is issued by the State of Iowa when a person has a "regular" marriage. This certificate proves a person is married. There is no similar document that exists for common law marriage.

A Court can decide if a common law marriage exists. This happens most often if a person files for a divorce claiming they have a common law marriage. The Court will then decide if there is a common law marriage. The Court cannot divorce a couple unless there was a marriage. The person asking the Court to divorce them based on a common law marriage has to prove to the Court there was a common law marriage, and this can be difficult.

If we have a common law marriage, can I get a common law divorce?

No. There is no such thing as a common law divorce. Only the Court can divorce a couple. Once a common law marriage exists, it continues to exist until there is a divorce by the Court.

If we both use the same last name, do we have a common law marriage?

Not necessarily. There is no requirement that one spouse take the last name of the other spouse. Even doing so does not establish a common law marriage. All three of the requirements listed above must be met for there to be a common law marriage. The third requirement is that the couple hold themselves out to the public as being married. A person using their spouse's last name is evidence that the couple held themselves out to the public as married. Other evidence includes things such as:

* introducing each other as the person's spouse
* exchanging wedding rings
* listing each other as spouse on insurance policies and other
documents
* filing tax returns as married persons


Iowa Legal Aid
.........................
 
Hawarden said:
Iowa law says that a common law marriage must be announced. Well, I"m announcin g it
Click to expand...

While BOTH PARTIES are ALIVE.

Any good reason why you didn't tie the knot?
Any reason why you never cohabited? During his last 6 months you were his health care provider - not a spouse.
 
THIS IS THE PENSION PLAN:
(XXXX XXXXXXX) EMPLOYEES PENSION PLAN is a Defined Benefit Plan providing retirees with a predetermined monthly retirement benefit upon reaching a specific age. The retirement benefit paid to a retiree is typically calculated using a formula which often employs years of credited service under the plan and salary information. The retirement benefit is typically payable to the employee upon attainment of their normal retirement age for the remainder of his/her lifetime. Benefits under this type of plan are often referred to as accrued benefits. This type of plan does not maintain individual accounts for employees.

It is important to remember that under this type of plan, the Alternate Payee is typically not awarded a lump sum cash payment from the Plan. It is usually a requirement of the Plan that the amount awarded to the Alternate Payee be expressed in terms of a monthly benefit payable for either the lifetime of the Participant or the Alternate Payee.
 
Ok, another issue: about the house where my deceased significant other chipped in on. The amount was $48,000 and his children want me to pay it back, claiming it was a "loan". No it wasn't, he wanted to contribute and someday move in with me in this new house.

One of the children (the Executor) also threatened to report this $48,000 as income to the FEDS (IRS). Can't win with this family so again, I'm sure a judge would confirm that a 38 year steady relationship IS a civil union. If that's the case, then ole' step-mommy gets it ALL
 
Okay, that answers part of my question.

Now. Yes or no. Did your boyfriend, or did he not, name you as an Alternate Payee? That's not a difficult question. Either he did, or he didn't.
 
He retired about 2 years ago. No, I wasnt' named alternate payee, I don't believe an alternate was declared. I found at that , no, his 4 children were not named alternate payee, neither was I

Also, I feel that I should get his social sec. monthly payments, too

About his chipping in $48k for my new house, he did it because we were united in holy matrimony that wasn't seal forever in a church. being together 38 years says it all.

Sorry, happy hour, my typming mite not be the best
 
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