How to retrieve inherited items from the widow’s vacated home?

Is there a way for my sisters and I to retrieve my late father's personal items from his widow's house, now that she has been moved to a memory care facility? Can a sheriff gain entry for my sisters and myself? We don't have house keys or the alarm code. Dad left the items to us in his will, and we have letters testamentary. Can we do this without involving her horrible brother, who lives in another state? I do not believe he filed for legal guardianship over her; I feel he has less claim to make decisions for about certain things than we do, especially when they impact us.

He had very little to do with her; she spent all holidays with us, even after Dad passed, and we were in regular contact, even though we do not live nearby. Since my father died 3 years ago, she has had a professional caregiving service at her home, which we helped select. For the past two weeks, she had not answered her phone, and since we planned to travel to take her out for her birthday, we contacted the manager of the caregivers to find out why.

We learned that her brother put her in a facility a couple of weeks ago (the anniversary of my father's death). When we called him, he was brusque and said the place says she needs to get used to her surroundings — therefore, no calls, no visits, no cards, no flowers. On her birthday! We knew this was a lie, so we visited briefly anyway, and she was appreciative.

We've since learned that he killed the family dogs when he had her taken from from her house. We had always planned to adopt them when this time eventually came. But he killed them instead of notifying us.

Suffice to say, we now hate her brother. We did not previously ask Dad's widow for Dad's things because it would have been cruel; she had early stage dementia and would not have understood. We knew she would eventually move to a facility, so we decided to wait until then. We assumed that when the time came, we would work with her brother. Now we don't want even want to speak to him. Also, he would have to drive several hours to give us the keys, and I am not sure he would do it.

So, can we take the will and letters testamentary to the county sheriff? Or will it be a lot more complicated than that? Again, I do not believe he has legal guardianship of her. And considering that she has been part of our family for the past 22 years, far more actively and beloved than by her brother, I don't see why he is able to make these decisions without us.

(I do not use the term "stepmother" because we were all grown with kids of our own when our mother passed and Dad married his second wife. Also, I do not want to use anybody's name here.)

Settling said:

So, can we take the will and letters testamentary to the county sheriff? Or will it be a lot more complicated than that?

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It's likely to be more complicated than that. I suspect that you will have to have a specific court order directed at a specific person listing the specific property.

It wouldn't hurt to contact the local sheriff and ask what it would take to retrieve your father's belongings, if they haven't disappeared by now.

Settling said:

I don't see why he is able to make these decisions without us.

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Because that's the way the law works. Technically, if push comes to shove, you might actually have to sue the widow for the return of the property.

Also, technically, anything in the house is presumed to have been owned jointly with right of survivorship and became her property when your father died, unless you can prove, with documentation, that some items were his sole and separate property.

You might, conceivably, not have a right to retrieve anything.

Hi AdjusterJack,
I am glad to have your input because, although you wouldn't remember it, you have helped me here at least a couple of times since my father passed. (Once I used a different name because I had forgotten this one.). All previous problems worked out well enough.
My father had very little to leave us, but his will did spell out what he what he wanted his widow to have and what he wanted his daughters to have. What his widow received was specified, and his "personal effects" were left to us. True, we don't know what remains because his widow had early dementia even then and was incapable of fully understanding the terms. We know she gave some things away; I wrote here in despair of it. Eventually we made peace with losing some of the items. With the rest, we decided to be patient. Considering the excellent care she was receiving at home, we did not expect she would have to move out of the house for years. We did not want to take anything from her, especially as sometimes she believes Dad is still alive. It would have been brutal.
My dad was a hobby artist and many of his paintings are hanging in the house. Her brother would not fight us for those, nor for our family photos, Dad's small business equipment, nor Dad's ring from his marriage to my mother. He wouldn't fight us for any individual thing, likely. He is very wealthy and completely devoid of sentiment. He would not want anything for himself. MAYBE he would notify his nieces to come get what they want, but he would be more likely to contact a charity to empty the house without telling us. (How could he kill those dogs without contacting us??) His sister is well-to-do, and she and Dad kept their finances separately. She owns the house outright.
Up until now, we thought there would be no issue working this out with the brother. We thought he would make a trip here and supervise us as we remove Dad's things. But he has shown a different side of himself, and it is monstrous. I don't know if we could get him to come here at all, and I certainly wouldn't want to see him, even if he would. I wish so hard that we could do this without him.
Considering her dementia, I don't know how we could get a court order against her or sue her personally for access. It would probably fall to the brother, and he would be a terror to face in court.
As you suggest, I will try my luck with the sheriff and hope for the best. Sadly, I am not holding my breath.

(To clarify, his nieces are from a now-deceased sibling. Dad's widow had no children.)

I went back and read your thread from 3 years ago.

Widow disposing of heirs' bequests · TheLaw.com

If I am understanding this, your Dad lived in a house that his wife owned but he was not on the deed.

I also get the idea that you live not far from the house and the widow's brother lives farther away.

You wrote that the brother would not want any of your Dad's belongings and then you refer to him as monstrous (because of the dogs?)

Did you ever just call him up and ask him to send you a key and permission to go over and get the stuff?

He may want that stuff removed.

Things to consider, @Settling :

There's very little anyone can do to compel the widow to do or not do anything.

Someone, perhaps her brother, would first have to become her legal guardian.

Absent such an event, sometimes life leaves us with few or no choices.

Everything in the widow's home is hers.

Your father's will had no force of law.

To ensure the wishes in the will to be carried out, the will would need to be probated.

It appears that never occurred, which leads me to my conclusion.

I understand that every human being grieves and mourns differently.

Years after the passing of your father, finds his widow enduring a very crippling illness.

My mother's final days were difficult for her and the family.

She was diagnosed with Alzheimers.

The human buzzards descended upon her home, consuming and conniving their way through her treasures.

It might be time for some of you to consult a pastor or psychiatrist in an effort to acquire some coping mechanisms for grieving your father's demise.

I'll offer one bright star that kept me sane.

No matter what others might do or say, I have wonderful memories of my mother, father, and my childhood.

Mother and dad spent their final years on their Texas cattle ranch. Mother and I would often chat and drink morning coffee on her back patio. The remnants of a small orchard behind the ranch house attracted mule deer, who loved to feast upon the fruit. Mother thought deer were the most beautiful and graceful creatures God created. She'd sit silently observing the critters and sipping her coffee. Not a day has passed that I haven't reflected on my mornings with mother. My time with her influenced me such that I stopped deer hunting.

You, too, @Settling have your memories. No one can ever steal those wonderful, priceless times.

May your heart once more know peace, as you grieve father's passing and his widow struggles to live.

I pray that God bless, strengthen, and comfort you in the coming days. Amen...

adjusterjack said:

I went back and read your thread from 3 years ago.

Widow disposing of heirs' bequests · TheLaw.com

If I am understanding this, your Dad lived in a house that his wife owned but he was not on the deed.

I also get the idea that you live not far from the house and the widow's brother lives farther away.

You wrote that the brother would not want any of your Dad's belongings and then you refer to him as monstrous (because of the dogs?)

Did you ever just call him up and ask him to send you a key and permission to go over and get the stuff?

He may want that stuff removed.

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Asking him for access is what we had always expected to do, and we did not previously anticipate problems. After this, ugh. I don't know what to do. He clearly has a problem with us (probably because I objected to his attempts to put her in a home just two weeks after Dad died. That was too soon. But he is not used to anyone interfering with his plans, and I guess he held a grudge.)

I say he is monstrous because he sneaked her away without telling us, and when we found out, he forbade us to call, visit, or send cards or flowers, despite it being her birthday. And yes, he is monstrous particularly about the dogs. He could have simply asked if we could rehome the dogs. But rather than contact us, he killed them. As I said, he may not wish to deal with us, but regardless, I would rather not deal with him. I was hoping to avoid his involvement. :-/

Army Judge, I appreciate your kindness. I am sorry that this brutal disease impacted your family, too. Your memories sound lovely. Sadly, your description reminded me much of my own memories at their house. Every day except in the coldest of winters, they would have a cocktail on the back deck and watch the sunset. I joined them many a time, all of us amused at the antics of their beloved dogs. Dad would always toss out an ice cube and they would comically scramble for it. The dogs were their children. So, the brother has dashed one of my favorite memories. We have had pastoral counseling and I have gone farther than that. It helped me to realize that the things do not comprise my father, and to at least somewhat accept that we may never receive what he meant for us to have. But actually, my father's cremains are in the house. That is hard for me to abandon.

Dad's will was indeed probated. We have the letters testamentary. We hoped that could be enough to get a sheriff escort to get the items and go. Do you mean that even a probated will means nothing? That Dad could make a bequest, but if the item is in her house, his wishes are nullified? That is hard for me to wrap my head around.

I am sorry for what your mother's family and friends did to her treasures. That seems such a violation. The brother, though, has only disdain for Penny's things. It was no different with their parents' heirlooms. The brother got most of their late parents' things simply because he had room in his mansion when the other siblings had little space. When he remarried, his young bride was unimpressed and ordered it all out. That suited him fine because it meant nothing to him. He offered his sister an heirloom rug, and then he chucked the rest.

The main item that Dad left her was his vehicle. She could no longer safely drive, but she loved to have it there and be able to gaze at it and remember him. Her brother said this was impractical. Over his sister's pleading, he had it taken away. I don't think he even sold it; he didn't have the title. I think he just had it removed. How was that even his decision to make?

Getting Dad's things wouldn't take half an hour, there are so few. I can't believe the law would prevent us from that, despite the specified bequests in his probated will.

My late parents are always on my mind, but at the moment my heart is grieving more for the sweet, murdered dogs that were loved by all of us. And that the brother would prefer that his sister feel abandoned in her new circumstances. All the literature says that this transition requires the most visits, calls, and cards/letters. He has a history of tiny cruelties directed toward her. I will give him props, though, for the choice of facility. It is excellent. By coincidence, she used to volunteer there.

Settling said:

Asking him for access is what we had always expected to do

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But have you done it?

Settling said:

, I would rather not deal with him. I was hoping to avoid his involvement. :-/

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Without his involvement you get nothing.

Your choice.

Settling said:

Is there a way for my sisters and I to retrieve my late father's personal items from his widow's house...?

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Sure.

How long ago did your father die? If I'm reading "adjusterjack's" post #6 correctly, it's been several years.

What sort of "personal items" are we talking about, and do they have any value beyond sentimental value?

Settling said:

she has been moved to a memory care facility?

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Of her own volition? Pursuant to a court order? Pursuant to a decision made by someone who has power of attorney?

Settling said:

Can a sheriff gain entry for my sisters and myself?

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Can the sheriff? I'm sure he/she can. Will the sheriff do this? Almost certainly not without an order from the probate court.

Settling said:

her ... brother, who ... I do not believe he filed for legal guardianship over her ... put her in a facility a couple of weeks ago

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The only way he legally could have "put her in a facility" is if he has a guardianship or power of attorney.

Settling said:

can we take the will and letters testamentary to the county sheriff? Or will it be a lot more complicated than that?

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It will be more complicated, and you'll need to make initial efforts to get your former stepmother or her brother to give you access voluntarily.

Settling said:

And considering that she has been part of our family for the past 22 years, far more actively and beloved than by her brother, I don't see why he is able to make these decisions without us.

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Simple. You're not a relative and she apparently didn't give you power of attorney.

I suggest that you retain the services of a local probate attorney.

You are right. He could not have done this without power of attorney. All actions will have to pass through him.

My father passed in 2019. I have an email exchange with her accountant (a friend of both hers and my dad's, and a liaison with the brother), explaining that we would wait to collect Dad's effects until she eventually moved out of her home. At least we can show her brother that, if he wonders why we waited. Probably the accountant already showed him.

Dad's items are only sentimental, not valuable otherwise.
The widow is not mentally competent to give us access. Plus, we don't want her to know. That's why we waited. It would upset her. Often, she doesn't remember Dad died, and she doesn't realize that she is actually living in the facility.
I wrote here Hoping that there could be a way to avoid her brother. He was correct in realizing that she now needs the safety of a memory facility treatment. I am angry that he attempted to isolate her, especially on her birthday. I will never get over his killing the dogs. Prior to this, we would not expect a problem in working with him. I am just so disgusted now, I wanted a solution that avoids him. Now I see that there is not.

Thank you all for your advice. I appreciate it, as always.

Settling said:

I wrote here Hoping that there could be a way to avoid her brother.

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There isn't.

Settling said:

I am angry that he attempted to isolate her, especially on her birthday. I will never get over his killing the dogs.

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Well, you'd better compartmentalize your anger. If you don't get the brother's consent you aren't getting into that house and you can kiss all your sentimental stuff goodbye, if it hasn't already been disposed of.

You're right. I hoped it would be different, but clearly it's not. We have to go to him and hope he gives us access. And we also have to expect that quite possibly, all of Dad's things are indeed gone.

Legally, he could keep us from seeing Dad's widow as well, couldn't he? This makes me sick.

Settling said:

Legally, he could keep us from seeing Dad's widow as well, couldn't he?

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Fraid so.

Settling said:

This makes me sick.

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Yeah, but it's not as uncommon as you might think. 20+ years on these websites and I've read plenty of similar stories.

If this is your stepmother, wouldn't her estate fall to you as her daughter? Not her brother? Wouldn't you be in control of her affairs as to making decisions about her care as well?

Disabled Vet said:

If this is your stepmother, wouldn't her estate fall to you as her daughter? Not her brother? Wouldn't you be in control of her affairs as to making decisions about her care as well?

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No, because a step-daughter is not a daughter.

Disabled Vet said:

If this is your stepmother, wouldn't her estate fall to you as her daughter? Not her brother? Wouldn't you be in control of her affairs as to making decisions about her care as well?

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No, because a step-daughter is not a daughter.

Disabled Vet said:

If this is your stepmother, wouldn't her estate fall to you as her daughter? Not her brother? Wouldn't you be in control of her affairs as to making decisions about her care as well?

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A step-child is a "legal stranger". OP has no more legal rights to their step-parent than the mailman does.