17 yr old Son Moved Out

S

Steven Taylor

New Member
Jurisdiction
Texas
I work in retail, and my wife is disabled with a brain disease, bad knees, diabetes and other health issues. We have a 17 yr old son who, for the past 2 yrs, has continued to do marijuana and bring it in our home and his usage continues to escalate. He also has a bad habit of hanging out with the wrong crowd. We've tried moving 3 times in the past 2 yrs to get him away from them, but he always ends up around the same kind of people. He has a really bad attitude, is narcissistic and manipulative and has zero respect for my wife and I. We've tried just about everything to get him to straighten up including taking away his games, phone, computer, having him work at a food bank and a childrens zoo, grounding him from going to friends', etc. Nothing has worked. About 4 wks ago, he went to spend the night at a friend's house. The next day, the dad came over here to our apt banging on the door, screaming and cussing and telling my wife to open the door so he could beat up our son for stealing his drugs and $500 of cash from his wallet. I was at work and couldnt do anything, and my wife was scared to death and called the cops to come and run him off. The ordeal was extremely stressful on us, especially my wife. This has been one of our biggest fears with him, that he would upset bad people and cause them to come to our home and hurt us. I have to be at work 5 days a week and cant always be here to protect my disabled wife. Last weekend we decided to allow him to stay a couple of nights at a friend's house who he's known for many yrs and who has good parents. While he was gone, I searched his room and found empty marijuana packaging of various kinds, some of which were of the felony variety. When I picked him up a couple of days ago, I began questioning him about his drug use, and I told him to be completely honest. He decided to lie about it. I calmly, without raising my voice, lectured him about the whole situation. On the way, I could tell he had something in his right sock cause he kept messing with it. When we arrived home, I asked to see his backpack so I could search it. He handed it to me, but, then, without me asking, he began pulling out his pockets, taking off his shirt and pulling off his shoes. I told him at that point to take off his socks. When he did, I heard something hit the ground. I asked him what it was and he denied there was anything. He grabbed my phone so he could video under the car to show me. At that point, I got out to go around and look. He met me around at the back right side of the vehicle, where he finally admitted that he had a felony drug device in his hand. I asked him for it, and he bowed his chest up at me and raised his voice and said no and that he was not going to prison. He then said he was going to throw it away in a nearby dumpster. I told him if he threw it away, he needed to go inside and call someone to go stay with. He said okay and went and threw it away. When we got inside the apt with my wife, I lost it and started yelling at him to call someone to come get him and that he couldn't keep putting his mom in danger and bringing that crap in our home and disrespecting us the way he does. We were both yelling and cursing at each other at this point. I know I shouldn't have cussed at him, but I was just extremely angry. My wife and I are Christians and don't normally act that way. I asked him for the backpack so I could go ahead and search it, but he bowed up his chest at me and said no cause it was his property and he was leaving. I just let him keep it because I wasn't going to get physical with him. He packed up his stuff and took off. Last night, my wife told him if he straightened up, he could come home, but he is saying he doesn't want to. He also told my wife he is going to the cops to report us for kicking him out of the house since he's a minor. We are at a loss and have no idea what to do about him. We need legal advice on what our options are. Please let us know. Thanks.
 
How many months until his 18th birthday?
 
First, I don't believe there is a "felony variety" of marijuana or drug device.
Your son will come home when he gets hungry. If he has been gone a couple days already you might report him missing.
The closer he is to 18 the less there is for you to do other than weather the storm. He is choosing to live life the hard way and will have to learn hard lessons on his own.
 
Report his running away to the police, change the locks on the doors, and should he show up at you home again with drugs call the police.

You can't fix 17 years of poor parenting in the months you have left before his 18th birthday.
 
PayrollHRGuy said:
Report his running away to the police, change the locks on the doors, and should he show up at you home again with drugs call the police.
Click to expand...

That part I agree with.

PayrollHRGuy said:
You can't fix 17 years of poor parenting in the months you have left before his 18th birthday.
Click to expand...

That part I don't agree with. It was nasty and uncalled for. Unless YOU, phg, have had a drug addict in YOUR family, you are clueless as to how this kind of thing happens.

My son left home at the age of 15 under similar circumstances. There was no poor parenting involved. He's 50 and freely admits that his life has been in the toilet due to his getting involved with the wrong people and making bad decisions.
 
I will retract the 17 years of poor parenting comment and I apologize to the OP Steven and you.

I do think that Steven should have gotten the child into a program at some point other than simply moving to try to get him away from "the wrong crowd."
 
PayrollHRGuy said:
I will retract the 17 years of poor parenting comment and I apologize to the OP Steven and you.

I do think that Steven should have gotten the child into a program at some point other than simply moving to try to get him away from "the wrong crowd."
Click to expand...
We actually tried multiple counselors and "programs" to help him over the past couple of years, but unless someone WANTS help, none of that does any good.
 
mightymoose said:
First, I don't believe there is a "felony variety" of marijuana or drug device.
Your son will come home when he gets hungry. If he has been gone a couple days already you might report him missing.
The closer he is to 18 the less there is for you to do other than weather the storm. He is choosing to live life the hard way and will have to learn hard lessons on his own.
Click to expand...
Under Texas law, possession of up to 4 ounces of marijuana plant is a misdemeanor. Extract the hash or resin from the same amount of plant, however, and possession is a felony. Wax, resin, oil, "vape pen" cartridges similar to those used in electronic cigarettes — having of any of them is a felony. The possession of a DAB pen is a state jail felony, regardless of the amount of THC oil contained within. The charge could, at a minimum, result in him spending 180 days in jail and up to a $10,000 fine.
 
adjusterjack said:
That part I agree with.



That part I don't agree with. It was nasty and uncalled for. Unless YOU, phg, have had a drug addict in YOUR family, you are clueless as to how this kind of thing happens.

My son left home at the age of 15 under similar circumstances. There was no poor parenting involved. He's 50 and freely admits that his life has been in the toilet due to his getting involved with the wrong people and making bad decisions.
Click to expand...
Sorry about your son. Nice to see that there's someone out there who understands what we're going through.
 
Steven Taylor said:
We actually tried multiple counselors and "programs" to help him over the past couple of years, but unless someone WANTS help, none of that does any good.
Click to expand...

Under Texas law, a parent can force a child into inpatient drug programs. That may be a good way for him to spend a few of the next 8 months until he is 18.
 
PayrollHRGuy said:
I do think that Steven should have gotten the child into a program at some point other than simply moving to try to get him away from "the wrong crowd."
Click to expand...

Good theory. In practice, unless you have the child hauled away in a straight jacket, a drug addict doesn't want programs.

Steven Taylor said:
We actually tried multiple counselors and "programs" to help him over the past couple of years, but unless someone WANTS help, none of that does any good.
Click to expand...

Right, my son has refused "help" because "help" has rules. Addicts don't want rules.

Steven Taylor said:
Sorry about your son. Nice to see that there's someone out there who understands what we're going through.
Click to expand...

Thanks. People have no idea what we go through. Broke up my marriage because my ex was the enabler. Consider Al-Anon. It's for families of addicts. Might not help your son but might show you how to cope with the tragedy.

Have you ever said the words, "My son is an addict"? If not, say them now. Once you admit that, your healing can start.
 
Steven Taylor said:
Extract the hash or resin from the same amount of plant, however, and possession is a felony. Wax, resin, oil, "vape pen" cartridges similar to those used in electronic cigarettes — having of any of them is a felony. The possession of a DAB pen is a state jail felony
Click to expand...

True enough, but when described only as marijuana it sounds like something much less.

When you find these things you can just destroy them. Don't throw then away without having actually destroyed them.
 
In any future posts, please break up what you write into manageable paragraphs.

Steven Taylor said:
We need legal advice on what our options are.
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Please read the "Legal Disclaimer" at the bottom of every page at this site. You can't reliable legal advice from anonymous strangers on the internet.

That said, what result do you want? You demanded that he leave, and he did, so you got what you wanted there. Do you want just to be done with him? Do you want to force him into rehab?
 
Steven Taylor said:
I work in retail, and my wife is disabled with a brain disease, bad knees, diabetes and other health issues. We have a 17 yr old son who, for the past 2 yrs, has continued to do marijuana and bring it in our home and his usage continues to escalate. He also has a bad habit of hanging out with the wrong crowd. We've tried moving 3 times in the past 2 yrs to get him away from them, but he always ends up around the same kind of people. He has a really bad attitude, is narcissistic and manipulative and has zero respect for my wife and I. We've tried just about everything to get him to straighten up including taking away his games, phone, computer, having him work at a food bank and a childrens zoo, grounding him from going to friends', etc. Nothing has worked. About 4 wks ago, he went to spend the night at a friend's house. The next day, the dad came over here to our apt banging on the door, screaming and cussing and telling my wife to open the door so he could beat up our son for stealing his drugs and $500 of cash from his wallet. I was at work and couldnt do anything, and my wife was scared to death and called the cops to come and run him off. The ordeal was extremely stressful on us, especially my wife. This has been one of our biggest fears with him, that he would upset bad people and cause them to come to our home and hurt us. I have to be at work 5 days a week and cant always be here to protect my disabled wife. Last weekend we decided to allow him to stay a couple of nights at a friend's house who he's known for many yrs and who has good parents. While he was gone, I searched his room and found empty marijuana packaging of various kinds, some of which were of the felony variety. When I picked him up a couple of days ago, I began questioning him about his drug use, and I told him to be completely honest. He decided to lie about it. I calmly, without raising my voice, lectured him about the whole situation. On the way, I could tell he had something in his right sock cause he kept messing with it. When we arrived home, I asked to see his backpack so I could search it. He handed it to me, but, then, without me asking, he began pulling out his pockets, taking off his shirt and pulling off his shoes. I told him at that point to take off his socks. When he did, I heard something hit the ground. I asked him what it was and he denied there was anything. He grabbed my phone so he could video under the car to show me. At that point, I got out to go around and look. He met me around at the back right side of the vehicle, where he finally admitted that he had a felony drug device in his hand. I asked him for it, and he bowed his chest up at me and raised his voice and said no and that he was not going to prison. He then said he was going to throw it away in a nearby dumpster. I told him if he threw it away, he needed to go inside and call someone to go stay with. He said okay and went and threw it away. When we got inside the apt with my wife, I lost it and started yelling at him to call someone to come get him and that he couldn't keep putting his mom in danger and bringing that crap in our home and disrespecting us the way he does. We were both yelling and cursing at each other at this point. I know I shouldn't have cussed at him, but I was just extremely angry. My wife and I are Christians and don't normally act that way. I asked him for the backpack so I could go ahead and search it, but he bowed up his chest at me and said no cause it was his property and he was leaving. I just let him keep it because I wasn't going to get physical with him. He packed up his stuff and took off. Last night, my wife told him if he straightened up, he could come home, but he is saying he doesn't want to. He also told my wife he is going to the cops to report us for kicking him out of the house since he's a minor. We are at a loss and have no idea what to do about him. We need legal advice on what our options are. Please let us know. Thanks.
Click to expand...

You told him to leave, he left. If you want report him as a runaway. Otherwise, let him see what it's like on his own. If he comes back and has drugs call the cops.

I was married to a meth addict - and have known him since we were 18 and actually most of his problem was his parents shitty parenting actually. Mostly his mom babying him, enabling him and at 38 years old she still enables him. Not sure if that's going on here but to those who say not to blame parents, sometimes it's the parents who contribute to their kid's shitty behavior. I enabled him too - I'll fully admit I did at times. I was dumb. Learned the hard way.

He's almost 18. Let him fall on his face. Let him learn what it's like to be an adult if he wants to do adult things. Like someone said change the locks even. Tough love...
 
If i'm correct in your state hes not a runaway at 17 (look it up to be sure) If its that much of an issue let the troublemaker go. Keep in mind since this is a minor any crime make fall back on you. this is your child so you might look into getting some family help or even an intervention.


 

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