Help urgent matter and have no idea what to do

Hello, I am a UK citizen and have a finacee in Utica. We had a child in Dec 2016 I am not the bio. Father but I supported her and got engaged during her first 2 weeksof pregnancy, I am down on birth cert as father and she has my last name. Only her mother knew about the fact. We lease a house together which I have paid for. I have been stuck in the UK for cancer treatment the last 2 1/² years. Finally in remission, then she texts me and says she doesn't love me your daughter isn't really yours I have started the process of changing her last name you will never see her again.
Also if I turn up at our house which all my belongings are in Inc everything in the house I bought, she will have me arrested, issue PFA, I am in a mess, our daughter has been over to the UK on 5 occasions to see me, and I just recently came back from being there for 8 weeks, my fiancee parents are on my side, her dad's response was she has mental issues. If I stop paying for the house she can't and will get evicted. She has 2 kids to a previous marriage and is under court orders to be within a certain distance of a school and she can't afford a deposit for a house. Where do I stand ?
1. on her just taking my daughter away( she has dual citizenship with UK)
2. On changing her name
3. On just saying if you come near the house I will have you arrested?
NB I have never been violent to her so where she added the PFA into a text from I have no idea. But over the last 3 years I have spent 40k on rent and there is 15k of items I bought in the house.
I don't want my daughter growing up in a crap area with whom ever she ends up with bringing her up.
I am heading over in 2 weeks and I will be staying with her parents for 2 weeks.
Thanks for your help in this.

Below is the text I get after 4 years of supporting her and her children.

You apparently have established parental rights. If she attempts to keep the child from you she could run afoul the law.
If the home belongs to you there is nothing stopping you from going there. She can't have you arrested.
She will find the name change is not so easy to accomplish.

If you can not get back to the US you should contact legal counsel in NY. Your options are limited from the UK. Find an attorney who specializes in family law.

Thanks I thought she couldn't just do what she wanted. Does anyone know of someone I can contact in New York ? She lives in upstate Utica

1) She would have to disestablish your paternity. In doing so, she could be opening a whole can of worms.
2) Since you are not married, and you are no longer living together, you need to go to Oneida County Family Court in Utica. You want to establish custody/visitation. You should verify that you signed an AOP - it should be on file at the city clerk's office if it exists. Family Court | NYCOURTS.GOV
3) What are the terms of the lease on the house you are renting?

I signed the birth cert at the hospital, the lease is in both our names a 3 year lease however I have made all the payments for it.

Marc Gibb said:

I signed the birth cert at the hospital, the lease is in both our names a 3 year lease however I have made all the payments for it.

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As I understand what you've posted, the child was born in the UK.

You and the child's mother were not legally married during the pregnancy or upon the child's birth.

You are NOT the biological father, knowing and/or believing you are NOT the biological father you VOLUNTARILY signed the child's birth certificate somewhere in the UK purporting to be the father (meaning the biological father) of the baby.

The birth mother aided and abetted you in the commission of your fraud against the peace and dignity of the Queen and the subjects of the UK, in which you and she alleged on the legal document that you, and you alone, were the child's father and sperm donor.

I don't know about the UK, specifically, but in many US states such actions are a crime.

If you are NOT the legitimate father of the child, both of you are denying that person his rights as the father without availing yourselves of due process and in complete disregard for the the child.

I suggest you speak with a solicitor in the UK before you travel to the USA.

If you do travel to the USA you can speak to lawyers in the county where you will be staying.

If the woman no longer wishes to interact with you, she isn't crazy.

She is exercising her rights in the USA to perhaps no longer have any contact with a person who would perpetrate a fraud upon the the state, perhaps upon her, and her child.

If someone tells you no, stay away, I want NOTHING to do with you; why on earth would you do otherwise?

No always means no.

No has never meant yes, although some psychos believe otherwise.

Marc Gibb said:

We had a child in Dec 2016 I am not the bio.

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This doesn't make any sense. If you are "not the bio[logical] father," then "we" did not have a child.

Marc Gibb said:

I am down on birth cert as father

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I assume this means that you and the mother lied on an acknowledgment of paternity that you signed under penalty of perjury. Correct?

Marc Gibb said:

Where do I stand ?

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I don't know -- apparently somewhere in the UK. If you have a more specific question, feel free to ask it.

Marc Gibb said:

1. on her just taking my daughter away( she has dual citizenship with UK)
2. On changing her name
3. On just saying if you come near the house I will have you arrested?

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The child's mother can call the police. We have no way of predicting what they might do. If you feel like testing her, then I suggest you have a copy of the lease with you that shows you are the lessee. As far as a name change, I don't know the process in NY, but she'll have to give you notice and an opportunity to object. As far as taking the child away, she can't take something from you that you don't have. You're 3,500 miles away from her. Even if you were in New York, in the absence of a court order regarding custody, visitation and child support, you have no enforceable parental rights. If you want enforceable rights, I suggest you consult with a family law attorney in the Utica area. A "find a lawyer" link appears at the bottom of every page at this site.

Marc Gibb said:

I don't want my daughter growing up in a crap area with whom ever she ends up with bringing her up.

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You're the one who created this situation, and now you get to deal with the extremely foreseeable fallout.

Marc Gibb said:

I signed the birth cert at the hospital, the lease is in both our names a 3 year lease however I have made all the payments for it.

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Then you need to address this.

Until your name is off the lease, you are responsible for making sure that the lease is paid. Even if. If you stop paying the lease, and the court grants the landlord an eviction, the eviction will be on BOTH your records, not just hers. Additionally, the landlord can get a judgement for any money owed for rent or damages, and this will be as much your responsibility as hers. If such a debt goes unpaid and a collections agency gets involved, it will follow you and cause more troubles.

I do not no how you are going to address the "stuff". Do you have receipts for the $15K of "stuff"? How clearly are any of the items "yours", as opposed to common household things or things that can be viewed as "gifts"? For example, "stuff" for the kids rooms are pretty clearly gifts, not for yourself. Your personal items used exclusively by you are rather clearly yours. One can quibble about the TV or sofa in the living room. Putting together an itemized list of items that you consider to be exclusively yours. Google something like: "How to get your stuff back after a break up". If she disposes of your property, or refuses to return it, and you have proof of the value of the property (not replacement value, but current value), you can take her to small claims court. Although you spent $15K, which is way over what can be pursued in small claims, due to depreciation, gifts, and the logistics of proving ownership, what you likely could reasonably claim is much less than $15K.

You have previously stated that your ex has children from a previous marriage and is required by court order to stay within a certain radius of Utica. I had assumed that would mean your ex gave birth somewhere in upstate NY. Others have taken your comment about dual citizenship to imply that the child was born in the UK. Please clarify.

You ex, the child, and the rented house are in Utica. That is Oneida County. Look in the court system up there. If she were to pursue a restraining order at this point, she would likely try to get an ex parte temporary order through the Oneida Count Family Court in Utica. Therefore, it would behoove you to go to the link previously provided and start learning.

Hello I am currently in the UK and my now ex finace is in upstate New York she has my 3 year old daughter with her. I am flying over next week.
She started to sleep with another man and within 4 weeks they have a house and my daughter there.
Her family has found out this man has told nothing but lies and has a criminal lost as long as your arm.
He has been incarcerated for 10 years on and off , he is banned from driving till 2044! Yet is driving a Mercedes in upstate New York it is not even registered to him.
He has a pending felony charge and a trial with out jury on 20nov. I am concerned about my daughter and my ex they have no idea whom this guy is.
He is under probation in PA till at least 2029 bit he is in upstate New York.
I contacted the police in NY they said unless they get a call from PA police confirming he shouldn't be there they can't arrest him.
How can I find out from a parole officer if he should be there? Or to contact the police, he is breaking the law driving a car and might have my daughter in it.
I am not sure if I can give his name details on a public forum so any one please email me with advice and further details. I have been on phones for about 3 hours today getting no where. Thanks!

Marc Gibb said:

I am concerned about my daughter and my ex they have no idea whom this guy is.

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That doesn't make any sense. You know all about it, her family knows all about it, what makes you think she knows nothing about it? Hasn't anybody told her? Or has if fallen on deaf ears because she is in love?

Marc Gibb said:

How can I find out from a parole officer if he should be there? Or to contact the police, he is breaking the law driving a car and might have my daughter in it.

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Start by finding his criminal case file or files. Appears that you can search PA criminal records online at:

Pennsylvania's Unified Judicial System

Once you find the case or cases you can probably find out the probation officer's info from the court.

Marc Gibb said:

I am not sure if I can give his name details on a public forum

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You shouldn't. The moderators will only redact it anyway.

Marc Gibb said:

please email me with advice and further details

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Sorry, not allowed to do that.

adjusterjack said:

That doesn't make any sense. You know all about it, her family knows all about it, what makes you think she knows nothing about it? Hasn't anybody told her? Or has if fallen on deaf ears because she is in love?



Start by finding his criminal case file or files. Appears that you can search PA criminal records online at:

Pennsylvania's Unified Judicial System

Once you find the case or cases you can probably find out the probation officer's info from the court.



You shouldn't. The moderators will only redact it anyway.



Sorry, not allowed to do that.

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Px Hx

Fiance trying to take daughter and changed her name

Marc Gibb said:

I have been on phones for about 3 hours today getting no where. Thanks!

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If the REAL police can do nothing, what do you expect a law discussion site to do for you?

I'll answer my question.

There is nothing anyone here to assist you, but type a few words in response to your typed words.