Not feeling good about Mediation Settlement...

I filed for divorce last Fall. I admitted my issues and wrong-doings (infidelity). What was supposed to be amicable and "uncontested" (as she initially agreed) turned out to be fraught with scorn and revenge, and as it turns out, some very shady financial antics by the STBX. By no means am I trying to dodge my fault in the divorce, so let's please not make this a moral discussion about my transgressions. Whatever my reasons were for seeking others, I admitted it and realized I wasn't a good husband and just wanted out...desperately.

I made multiple offers prior to mediation to avoid the added costs. We attempted mediation twice, reaching an agreement at the 2nd mediation. Although it was a relief, I'm now realizing that I'm going to be in huge financial trouble and feel more and more as though my lawyer took the easy way out and didn't help fight for me. Which is why I'm here...I feel like I have no advocate and since I've spent over $50k on legal counsel (mine & hers), I just need a sanity check on my mediation results and if I should move on or if I have a legit appeal opportunity. I'll spare the details in my initial post, but if you want details, I'll be happy to share...

Thanks in advance all...

I doubt think anyone can help without details.
However, your opinion as to whether the mediation result was reasonable or not is the only opinion that matters.

amithatnaive said:

I filed for divorce last Fall. I admitted my issues and wrong-doings (infidelity). What was supposed to be amicable and "uncontested" (as she initially agreed) turned out to be fraught with scorn and revenge, and as it turns out, some very shady financial antics by the STBX. By no means am I trying to dodge my fault in the divorce, so let's please not make this a moral discussion about my transgressions. Whatever my reasons were for seeking others, I admitted it and realized I wasn't a good husband and just wanted out...desperately.

I made multiple offers prior to mediation to avoid the added costs. We attempted mediation twice, reaching an agreement at the 2nd mediation. Although it was a relief, I'm now realizing that I'm going to be in huge financial trouble and feel more and more as though my lawyer took the easy way out and didn't help fight for me. Which is why I'm here...I feel like I have no advocate and since I've spent over $50k on legal counsel (mine & hers), I just need a sanity check on my mediation results and if I should move on or if I have a legit appeal opportunity. I'll spare the details in my initial post, but if you want details, I'll be happy to share...

Thanks in advance all...

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Never admit anything to anyone, except to your religion's officiant or your psychologist/psychiatrist.

Why?

Because no one can force you to admit to anything, and when you do it is used to gore you.

In Texas, just as in every other state in the union, a divorce is granted without fault to both parties.

The fact that someone told you to blab is entirely on you, mate.

All you had to do was smile and remain silent.

Whatever you did was no one's business but yours.

In Texas the marital partner is entitled to 50% of EVERYTHING accumulated during the marriage.

Look at it this way, you're free, and you shelled out more bucks than you thought necessary.

You'll get it back, and she isn't entitled to one more dime.

Be smart, don't remarry, live your life anyway you wish, and don't explain anything you do to anyone ever again.

army judge said:

Never admit anything to anyone, except to your religion's officiant or your psychologist/psychiatrist.

Why?

Because no one can force you to admit to anything, and when you do it is used to gore you.

In Texas, just as in every other state in the union, a divorce is granted without fault to both parties.

The fact that someone told you to blab is entirely on you, mate.

All you had to do was smile and remain silent.

Whatever you did was no one's business but yours.

In Texas the marital partner is entitled to 50% of EVERYTHING accumulated during the marriage.

Look at it this way, you're free, and you shelled out more bucks than you thought necessary.

You'll get it back, and she isn't entitled to one more dime.

Be smart, don't remarry, live your life anyway you wish, and don't explain anything you do to anyone ever again.

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I admitted my faults out of my own conscience...but you're right. I'll exit stage right

Thanks for replying...

amithatnaive said:

I admitted my faults out of my own conscience...but you're right. I'll exit stage right

Thanks for replying...

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That was my point.

Whatever you do is your business.

For all you know, she may have had 500 sexual liaisons.

Never assume others are purer than you are.

A mediator is a neutral third party who is often, but not always, an attorney. How did your attorney not fight for you? Did you have an attorney representing you in the mediation???

The mediator was obviously favoring my ex...both financially and emotionally. Example: When I brought up the fact she quit her two part time jobs, she staunchly defended her explaining it was a requirement to her finding full time employment. When I brought up injunctions, she explained she (the mediator) was a product of divorce and that she had experience, as a female in a divorce situation and that my ex and kids need time to process. It's been 8 months since I was kicked out, mind you.

Financially, my ex lied about her potential employment during mediation. The *DAY* after mediation agreement was signed she posted her new full-time job on Facebook, which I quickly sent to my lawyer. He explained there really wasn't a whole lot we could do, unless I wanted to appeal and go to trial, which would quickly outweigh the benefit, financially. She also is having a new house built which she will move in to this summer. They didn't provide any documentation during discovery related to the house, but explained during mediation that she needed all of the proceeds of our current home to make the down payment for the new home NEXT year when she is REQUIRED to buy her mom out of the mortgage on the new home (her mom is buying it for her). She cashed an IRS refund check without telling me and I never endorsed it. She opened mail, addressed only to me.

Our whole mediation was predicated on the premise of her not having a job, which was a complete fabrication in hind sight. I came away with virtually no assets...except a 401k which has over $40k in loans out against it to cover the excessive spending she accrued during our separation. Mediator and lawyers didn't seem to care about that little fact...all of the debt and legal fees run up during the separation period. So, when the assets came about, I got all the debt and none of the assets....on top of paying all the kids activities, medical insurance, maximum child support *and* alimony.

I was scared and gun-shy during the whole process, not wanting to provoke her and also to atone for my actions. Unfortunately, that spelled disaster in the end. I wanted and needed out. She fought tooth and nail until her new home was ready, then suddenley she's ready to finalize things and "move on".

Over the course of the separation, I compiled and provided my lawyer with letters she wrote, pictures of things she wrote on the mirrors for the kids to see, transaction logs of her spending and cash withdrawals, audio recordings of her lying about kid things, and text/email messages to me. All for nothing...he didn't seem to care about the details of that, nor did he review the vast majority. After all, I cheated...was his refrain. So, in the end, he was annoyed by my incessant desire to end it, which was contrary to his goal of a trial several months later. During our second mediation, he was obviously sick of being there and eventually just "gave in" and would say things such as "i can't tell you what to do"..."whatever you want", etc.

I hate confrontation, I was emotionally and physically drained, I didn't know the process, the options, my leg to stand on or anything...so I feel more and more like a got taken advantage of, even though "I cheated". All I wanted was an advocate, but I didn't feel like I had one.

The bottom line...my ex has a brand new house (likely with no mortgage), a HUGE lump sum in her pocket from 100% of house proceeds (which I'm selling free of charge, btw), a check I wrote her during mediation, a new job, and apparently she's now buying a new car. I have debt now (haven't in 10 years), and a monthly financial obligation that prevents me from buying a house and which makes it even difficult to rent...luckily my sister is letting me stay with her for the time being.

You had choices you failed to choose.
You dislike confrontation.
You have a new choice.
Hire a better lawyer, let him/her do his job, don't pester the lawyer, you might just receive a more just result.

You obviously agreed to the settlement agreement which was the product of the mediation. Your result is as much your fault as anyone else's.

Highwayman said:

You obviously agreed to the settlement agreement which was the product of the mediation. Your result is as much your fault as anyone else's.

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I just wasnt sure if the deception and lying about job/house status was a legit enough reason to modify/appeal...

Thanks for the replies...I'm movin on!