Own home and husband will not let son live in home

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Kwthorne

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bought a home with my present husband which I put over half the money into the home. My husband hates my 18 year old and has pushed him out of the house and will not let him come home. He say I can not let him come back home . What rights do I have? My son has some mental problems and the last six months we have tried to get him to live on his own but he is unable to hold a just and has tried to hurt himself a few times in this time frame.
Any help you can give me
kim Brantley
 
bought a home with my present husband which I put over half the money into the home. My husband hates my 18 year old and has pushed him out of the house and will not let him come home. He say I can not let him come back home . What rights do I have? My son has some mental problems and the last six months we have tried to get him to live on his own but he is unable to hold a just and has tried to hurt himself a few times in this time frame.
Any help you can give me
kim Brantley


This will not be an easy problem to solve.

Divorce and a division of the marital assets may be the only option.

An adult child has no right to support, shelter, or care.

If the 18 year old is unable to care for himself, he might be eligible for some form of state assistance and/or institutionalization.

This is not so much a legal issue, as it is a moral one, and one that many parents face.

It also can potentially cause the dissolution of your marriage.

I suggest you do some serious thinking, and make some very difficult choices.
 
Yeap, agreed.

I'd go one teeny step further though. If my spouse even suggested that ultimatum, he'd no longer be my spouse.

(Unless the 18 year old is a psychotic meth head using the bathroom as a lab and pawning the TV set in the process)
 
I am of the other opinion. I would attempt to make a compromise to continue assisting junior make it in the world. If you have money, you have a job. Use some of it to support junior. No person should be forced to take an unwanted person into their home. I would divorce before accepting the child.
 
I am of the other opinion. I would attempt to make a compromise to continue assisting junior make it in the world. If you have money, you have a job. Use some of it to support junior. No person should be forced to take an unwanted person into their home. I would divorce before accepting the child.


I prefer to think of my home, as a place of quiet, remote, solitude, and peace.

A home is neither a hotel, or a hostel, and I'm not equipped to parent until I die.

That said, I've not experienced these dilemmas.

I agree with you Big D, if so inclined, I'd rather agree to assist Junior with a short term stipend.

All little piggies should be encouraged to make their own way in this big, cold world.
 
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Yes I feel like divorce is what will happen. My son dad died when he was 8 and it was just his brother and myself until 4 years ago. The man I married is that the same man I met. He has turn into a complete alcoholic, as I looked back on email when we first meet I see he tried to treat my oldest son the same way, he just want me and no addition children, which he knew I had. He also had children but they were older by three years or more. But his youngest had been a hand full, so anything my boys did was criticized. So in other words they were assumed guilty without having to do anything wrong. Understand my oldest is on his own and doing very well, he just bought his first house at 22 years of age. But I didn't throw him on the streets before he was ready. But my youngest had a concussion right after I meet my husband and with in a year my son started to change. He would not go to school so after a few months I send him to live with my brother, he did well but when I was moving to Fl. he wanted to come. At the time I did not think I would be getting married but I did not no how my new husband hated my son he cause alot of problems for us till we send him back to live with his brother that didnt work. He just wasnt ready I understand that he needs a stable place to live right now. He has spiral out of control a few times in the last few months because he has no where to live or food. I help him when I can but I have no job and depend on my husband. Because all of my money went into buying out home.
 
Your problem seems you be you do not have a plan. If son is so damaged, why can't 22 yr old take him in and you and hubby assist with a bit of money until he obtains SSI. Hint, if he does not qualify that is an indicator he can work. You have no job? How much money did you put into home? How many years did you live there for free with no job that you would have been paying rent elsewhere? You keep speaking of "Your Money" I suspect "Your Money" was exhausted in your upkeep a long time ago and now it is his money.
 
As has been stated, this is a difficult situation. But, it might be that for reasons of your own (guilt, sense of responsibility, etc.) willing to make your own home life untenable or impossible by bringing a problem back into your home.

You say your son wasn't "ready" ... when will he be? What will constitute "ready" to you? When he has a job? A place of his own? Has not been violent or disrespectful for a week? A month? A year? And if he has you to shelter him and provide him with whatever he needs, why should he ever be ready? He can stay with you, you will support him, and you will give him what he needs and not hold him accountable for HIS decisions.

I suspect that when you say he has "spiral[ed] out of control" you may mean he has gotten violent or irrational. I also suspect that drugs and/or alcohol are involved, right? Are you willing to subject yourself to this for what could be the rest of your life? When will it end? I have seen situations just like this go on ad infinitum with the adult child leeching off of family until they are left holding the family home until they lose it - usually as a result of a well-developed drug and/or alcohol problem as a result of decades of enabling behavior by those who sheltered him from his own irresponsibility thinking they were doing the right thing.

I'm not saying your husband is a great man or that your son is indeed a failed (at the moment) piece of work, but I believe that you know the truth of the matter if you choose to listen to that inner voice. Sometimes doing the right thing can be the hardest thing. Tough Love is a difficult concept for loving parents, but it might be the only way to force an adult child to grow up.

He is an adult. Unless he has been diagnosed by a mental health professional or a medical doctor as incompetent and in need of a conservator, he is capable of making his own way. Sometimes being faced with a choice of sinking or swimming is the best way to get adult children to seek the assistance they truly need to develop into responsible adults.
 
That is where the problems start there are no drugs or drinking with my son if there were it would be easier to deal with. Until a couple of months ago I worked and made my own money, until i hurt my back. But even with that I have never taken a dime from my husband I support myself and sons. I had a savings of over 100 grand that went to purchase our home and my husband was suppose to do the rest 90000. so our home would be paid off, but he didnt do it, There are alot of issues, know that I type them out I see my husband wanted to control and have a maid I should have never remarried.
 
Yet, you chose to do so. A marriage is a partnership involving give and take. Too many people rush into them and do not have the commitment required to make them work. Stealing quotes,

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!"
 
That is where the problems start there are no drugs or drinking with my son if there were it would be easier to deal with. Until a couple of months ago I worked and made my own money, until i hurt my back. But even with that I have never taken a dime from my husband I support myself and sons. I had a savings of over 100 grand that went to purchase our home and my husband was suppose to do the rest 90000. so our home would be paid off, but he didnt do it, There are alot of issues, know that I type them out I see my husband wanted to control and have a maid I should have never remarried.
Given this response, it seems to me that your issues are with your husband and not about your son. Even if your son was not an issue here, it sounds as if your relationship with your husband would still be in the tank. The issue with your son simply seems to be the cause you will stand on to fight the fight you have probably wanted to for a while.
 
I'm sure you ladies will recognize the ummmm poet.

"Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!"
― Andy Rooney
 
I can see Andy Rooney saying that - just never heard it before.
 
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