What are the father's rights?

B

BexcyRex

New Member
Jurisdiction
Texas
I'm a German citizen with a permanent Green-card. My boyfriend is an American citizen and we both live in the United States. I'm pregnant with my first child. My boyfriend wants to be in the child's life and we are happy for the most part. He does have a temper that scares me sometimes and as much as I want my child to have both parents, I can see us breaking up because of this. He's also not financially responsible. My question is, if we do break up, the only way would be for me to move back to Germany where I have family support. I have nobody here except him. Can he cause me problems doing so? My family is financially supportive as well as emotionally. His family is not. What are my rights? What advice to you have for me, despite the fact we are together and can hopefully stay that way?
Should he sign paternity? Does it matter?
 
If you're going back to Germany, I'd suggest doing so before the child is born. Otherwise, Dad could file to keep baby in Texas; you could stay or go as you wish, but the baby will remain where the court says the baby lives.
 
BexcyRex said:
What advice to you have for me, despite the fact we are together and can hopefully stay that way?
Click to expand...

The male who purports to be the father of a child born out of marriage has NO PARENTAL RIGHTS to YOUR CHILD.

Such a man would have to prove paternity via DNA testing, then file for visitation. An unmarried man (alleging to be someone's daddy) rarely gets custody during the first four or five years of a child's life.

As suggested, NOW might be the time to skedaddle back to Germany.

You won't require a passport for the child, as it lies in your womb.

That is all the more reason to get, and get fast.
 
And don't expect him(or his family) to change. If you don't want to deal with his temper forever, and if you don't want to deal with his financial irresponsibility forever then you need to go now.
And even if you think you can handle those things, it's not only about you anymore. Your child will suffer the consequences. It's incredibly difficult to raise a child even with the help and support of family. You really don't want to be all alone in a foreign country trying to take care of yourself and your child.
 
army judge said:
The male who purports to be the father of a child born out of marriage has NO PARENTAL RIGHTS to YOUR CHILD.

Such a man would have to prove paternity via DNA testing, then file for visitation. An unmarried man (alleging to be someone's daddy) rarely gets custody during the first four or five years of a child's life.

As suggested, NOW might be the time to skedaddle back to Germany.

You won't require a passport for the child, as it lies in your womb.

That is all the more reason to get, and get fast.
Click to expand...

Thank you for the advice, but I do want to stay here, because my job is here and we are still together. We want to make our relationship work, but I'm afraid that IF we break up after baby is born, how hard it will be. So you say he has no rights since we aren't married. Do you think I have a chance of getting full custody while in the States and just have him visit? How hard is it to get full custody and with that, can I move back? I guess I'm thinking way ahead, but I want to explore my options sooner rather than later. Thank you!
 
He can file to establish paternity and that grants him the same legal rights to the child that you have. Terminating parental rights is very difficult and takes much more than a temper and financial instability. The goal in the US is to have both parents as involved in the child's life as possible. While it is possible that you could move to Germany, he can contest you taking the child and or you could end up responsible for paying for regular visits back to see Dad. We have no way of guaranteeing what a judge will decide, but it is very common for the parent moving away to be responsible for the cost of transportation of the child for visitation purposes.
 
ElleMD said:
He can file to establish paternity and that grants him the same legal rights to the child that you have. Terminating parental rights is very difficult and takes much more than a temper and financial instability. The goal in the US is to have both parents as involved in the child's life as possible. While it is possible that you could move to Germany, he can contest you taking the child and or you could end up responsible for paying for regular visits back to see Dad. We have no way of guaranteeing what a judge will decide, but it is very common for the parent moving away to be responsible for the cost of transportation of the child for visitation purposes.
Click to expand...

Thank you for your answer. What would change if I had the child in Germany, stayed during maternity leave and came back to the States? Would that change anything about his rights?
 
BexcyRex said:
Thank you for your answer. What would change if I had the child in Germany, stayed during maternity leave and came back to the States? Would that change anything about his rights?
Click to expand...
No that won't change anything once he established paternity.

Right now you're unmarried. If you're still unmarried when you have that baby he has no rights UNTIL he goes to the court and establishes them. IF he goes to court, files to establish paternity, does DNA test, is then the legal father he can then petition for custody.

Then you're going to have a custody hearing. Even if he doesn't get custody - he will get visitation. As already stated wherever you live, YOU will have to pay to transport that child to and from your residence to see the father.

No one can predict the future. You won't know what's going to happen until you're in court for custody and that's the bottomline.

Why would you even stay if you're already having doubts and contemplating custody? Just leave now. It's your life though. Everyone has already answered your questions though on his rights once a court establishes them.
 
If you have child outside of US then he wont be present to sign any birth documents. Therefore until he does so or provides DNA to establish him as Father he is no more the Dad than I am. I think you know where this relationship is going so get out now it will be harder later. If you use the link in my signature line it will take you to a Parenting and relationship forum where you can meet others like you and see how they dealt with their situation
 
BexcyRex said:
Thank you for the advice, but I do want to stay here, because my job is here and we are still together. We want to make our relationship work, but I'm afraid that IF we break up after baby is born, how hard it will be. So you say he has no rights since we aren't married. Do you think I have a chance of getting full custody while in the States and just have him visit? How hard is it to get full custody and with that, can I move back? I guess I'm thinking way ahead, but I want to explore my options sooner rather than later. Thank you!
Click to expand...

You. ALONE, as the birth mother possess FULL CUSTODY.

He will have to prove paternity via DNA testing, then petition the court for visitation.

He'll never get custody, if he proves paternity, unless you're a bad parent.
I doubt that you'll ever be a bad parent.

He won't change.

Brutes rarely become civilized.
Brutes often become more brutish and savage.

So, it's your great job that you crave, more than the protection of your child?

Your choice, your life, and the poor baby's life, too.
 
Army judge, thank you for your reply. I have some additional questions. At the hospital, don't they make you sign the prove of paternity? Or is this something you only do there if you ask?
I appreciate everyone's concern. Overall he really is not a bad boyfriend and he does know his flaws. He tries to be better, but being me I always think way ahead and explore every options I have. I'm not actually fearful of him. He already loves the baby even though it's not born. I'm just afraid of possibly not being able to go back home if we do separate. Maybe that's flawed thinking on my end and I'm just driving myself crazy unnecessarily.
 
You are NOT forced to name Father! In regards to him changing your falling into same trap most battered spouses get into that the beater will change. I know he has not crossed that line....yet! This will only get worse even if it gets better at some point. I again suggest you visit Parent Nook Forums - Index page (Which is hosted by thelaw.com) and talk to others who may have had similar issues and how they ended up. Dont fool yourself he wont change this easily. Your best bet at this point he leave have child without him. Just to warn you if he does get violent and you do nothing you could lose your child! He could kill you or child. Yes that extreme but its not uncommon either.
 
BexcyRex said:
Army judge, thank you for your reply. I have some additional questions. At the hospital, don't they make you sign the prove of paternity? Or is this something you only do there if you ask?
I appreciate everyone's concern. Overall he really is not a bad boyfriend and he does know his flaws. He tries to be better, but being me I always think way ahead and explore every options I have. I'm not actually fearful of him. He already loves the baby even though it's not born. I'm just afraid of possibly not being able to go back home if we do separate. Maybe that's flawed thinking on my end and I'm just driving myself crazy unnecessarily.
Click to expand...
Been there done that with what you're saying about your boyfriend...that's on you to stay. But you have doubts already.

No you don't have to name a father. Even if he's right there.
 
leslie82 said:
Been there done that with what you're saying about your boyfriend...that's on you to stay. But you have doubts already.

No you don't have to name a father. Even if he's right there.
Click to expand...
Do they come up and ask though or do you have to go somewhere yourself? I don't want him to be weirded out if I don't want to sign. Does that make sense? If they don't remind you, I'm sure he'd just forget.
 
Time to put your big girl pants on and face things that might make you uncomfortable. YES they will ask about Father. Just say "I dont know" . In fact there is a user on forum I gave you who did "exactly" that even though she knew who Father was. Father NEVER stepped forward and that child is now about to turn 20
 
The one caveat to not naming the father is that if you ever apply for any government assistance programs, they are going to want to know who the father is and go after him for child support first.
 
True but what the user on parentnook did was say she was unsure who Father was. I realize this paint an ugly picture of Mother but it was better than dealing with vengeful potentially violent EX not to mention this woman did not feel the Father would be a good Father or even be in child's life and if he was would he harm her or child?
 
I think saying I don't know who the father is would cause some drama. I do know he's the father for sure and he'd be there in the hospital with me. I'm just looking for reasons to not sign right away until I'm more sure, without causing him to feel suspicious.
 
BexcyRex said:
Do they come up and ask though or do you have to go somewhere yourself? I don't want him to be weirded out if I don't want to sign. Does that make sense? If they don't remind you, I'm sure he'd just forget.
Click to expand...

Again, READ CAREFULLY, ANY UNMARRIED MALE who purports or thinks he's the father of a child has ZERO righst.

ALL parental rights are vested in the birth mother, that is YOU, ma'am.

You can say, "I don't wish to name a father, " I don't know who the father is", or "I don't want to name a father".

YOU, ma'am, have all the cards.

The THUG abuser, manipulator has NONE.

If he wants to establish his paternity, he must wait until the bay is born.

Then he must request the court to administer a paternity test.

If he is the biological father, then he must return to court and seek VISITATION, and arrange child support.

He will never get custody, unless you are the worst mother ever.

Again, you have the high card, and the rest of the deck.

He, on the other hand, has nothing; not even the empty card box.

You can tell him, "Go away, leave me alone."
 

Share this page

Get a free case review from a lawyer
Back
Top