Travel and modifying the order

S

Scorpio0823

New Member
Jurisdiction
Pennsylvania
I cannot afford to go back to court to Modify the current order. There's nothing in my order that states who pays for transportation. I asked my lawyer if I could just demand a round trip itinerary for the child before the child leaves (and I would help the cost) for the visitation and lawyer states that is fine. I am not spending another $4000 when this should of been taken care of before it was signed. My lawyer told me not to put transportation in there since it would fall on the other parent. So technically no one has to pay anything but parents should be reasonable so the child can visit the other.

So my question is...Should I just demand a round trip itinerary before the child leaves? There's no point in paying all this money when that can be used for the child. Non custodial parent should be more reasonable if I am willing to help with travel when I wasn't the one that moved.
 
You can demand anything you like built as you have been told numerous times, if it isn't in the order, you are not entitled to it. I can not begin to fathom why you would leave this out when it is such a huge expense and the parents can clearly not act like adults and put the child first. It takes 2 to create controversy. If your hubby is willing to pay the cost, just pay it and stop the nonsense of the itinerary needing to be approved by him in advance. If there is an issue of who pays, the only remedy is the court if the parents can not agree. It is in everyone's best interest to not force it to court as there is no guarantee the judge will create a solution anyone likes and it is expensive.
 
Ditto. Your demand carries no weight. Nobody is obligated to do anything you demand. If the court orders it then it becomes a requirement.
Most orders I have read include generic language about not removing the children from the county, or sometimes state, without consent of the other parent.
Does yours have this?
 
No it does not. There's not really extra in it. I feel like our lawyer did that on purpose so we would have to go back. The lawyer told us NOT to put transportation in it bcuz it would fall on the non custodial to pay it.
 
If the order doesn't specify then the responsibility doesn't fall on anyone. It leaves it to the involved parties to fight about.
Some of the worst and laziest custody orders contain language of "as agreed" between the parties. That language is entirely unenforceable as nobody knows what was agreed to. The more specific the order the better, but not so much that it is a restrictive nuisance.
 
If it's not in the order, your husband is probably ending up paying. If he wants to make a big deal about it he goes back to court.
 
Is there a prior order that assigns costs? That is the only way I can figure leaving it out. Many times the parent who moves does become responsible for the cost of travel, but not always. It depends on the reason for the move, ability to pay, distance involved, etc. Anything so specific as advance itineraries would have to be spelled out in the agreement. There is no default or even most common practice.
 
The temporary order stated that she could have her for xmas if SHE takes care of the travel. So that's what we were going by. She now all the sudden doesn't want to pay. She didn't pay to get her back home. And we paid half to get the child there because she couldn't afford it. If she cant afford to get the child there to visit then she doesn't go. Simple as that. That's how it would be if it was the other way around. She wanted him to pay support and half of all transportation for xmas and spring break but now that it is her she doesn't want to do it. I don't feel we should have to take from our family for the holidays since she decided to move.
 
Scorpio0823 said:
The temporary order stated that she could have her for xmas if SHE takes care of the travel. So that's what we were going by. She now all the sudden doesn't want to pay. She didn't pay to get her back home. And we paid half to get the child there because she couldn't afford it. If she cant afford to get the child there to visit then she doesn't go. Simple as that. That's how it would be if it was the other way around. She wanted him to pay support and half of all transportation for xmas and spring break but now that it is her she doesn't want to do it. I don't feel we should have to take from our family for the holidays since she decided to move.
Click to expand...

If the court order states that she is to pay, then she has to pay. Until a permanent order is in effect then she has to follow the temporary order. If it's a temporary order your husband has to go back to court anyway. So have travel costs put into the final, permanent order.

So was this at past Christmas when this happened? You can't do anything about it now. If the permanent order isn't final by this Christmas you go by the temporary order. If his ex won't pay to get their kid there then the kid doesn't go is how I would read it.

Honestly - you're going to have to learn to deal with his child not being at some holidays. The kid's mom has rights. Whether you like it or not. That's how it works for divorced kids. They have to spend as equal amount of time as possible with both parents. She doesn't have to get approval from you or your husband to move. Did she get a better job or something that improved her quality of life and her ability to provide for her child?

You don't get to make any of these decisions either. You can dislike his ex and you likely have good reason to do so but that's still that kid's mom.
 
I never said that the kid cant go. The only problem we run into is who's paying. She tried to take the child with her to another state without filing the proper relocation with court.
She told him they were going for a year for her husband to attend school and wanted him to agree to it. It ended up being a lie and they stayed permanently. And yes she DOES have to get approval to move if she's trying to take the child away from the father to another state. You cant just relocate without the other parents say in it. She moved away a month before the mediation for the temp order and they granted him custody. She lied to them and told them she was still a resident when she was not. She left the child with us so she could move away then came back demanding her. He was granted custody due to the situation.
 
He is the one that put in his stip that she could have every xmas. This isn't about the child being here or there for the holiday. We are not keeping the child from her mother. Its about who is paying. You cant just move away randomly and say guess what you have to come up with all this money now.
 
Scorpio0823 said:
He is the one that put in his stip that she could have every xmas. This isn't about the child being here or there for the holiday. We are not keeping the child from her mother. Its about who is paying. You cant just move away randomly and say guess what you have to come up with all this money now.
Click to expand...

One position could be, sure, we'll comply with the order.
You, the other parent, must provide a round trip, pre-paid ticket.
No pre-paid, round trip ticket, the kid won't be coming.
If the other parent doesn't like that, she'll need to go to court to tell it to the judge.
She lives hundreds of miles away, and can't afford a ticket, doubtful she'll return to your state to "tell it to the judge".

My position would be, ask the child if she/he wants to go visit mommy.
Then, I'd pay for the ROUND trip ticket as the child's Christmas gift.
I don't look at it as I'm doing something for the mother, but for the child I love.

Different strokes for different folks.
 
Scorpio0823 said:
I never said that the kid cant go. The only problem we run into is who's paying. She tried to take the child with her to another state without filing the proper relocation with court.
She told him they were going for a year for her husband to attend school and wanted him to agree to it. It ended up being a lie and they stayed permanently. And yes she DOES have to get approval to move if she's trying to take the child away from the father to another state. You cant just relocate without the other parents say in it. She moved away a month before the mediation for the temp order and they granted him custody. She lied to them and told them she was still a resident when she was not. She left the child with us so she could move away then came back demanding her. He was granted custody due to the situation.
Click to expand...

I simply said that if the mom doesn't pay for the trip this Christmas, the kid doesn't go. It's that simple.

She has to get approval to move the kid NOT approval to move. Obviously she didn't move the kid did she? Obviously it didn't work that she tried to move without filing did it? That's not the issue at hand. The issue is that she is supposed to pay for her kid to come see her for Christmas and she isn't. So if she doesn't pay the kid doesn't go. Simple. Until a permanent order is put in place.

I don't know why you're being so damn hostile with me. You asked a question. It's being answered. All I said is that YOU have ability to demand or do anything. If you pay for something that's on you. Also you need to remember your place in the situation it sounds like. Tell your husband to get legal advice on his own since he's the only one who can file or demand anything legally.

"I don't feel we should have to take from our family for the holidays since she decided to move." This comment at first glance made it sound like you didn't think his daughter should miss the holidays and that's why I said it.
 
No. And wow no one is getting hostile. We always move xmas to another day when she is with us. Doesn't matter the day. The only problem is affording to get her there and back. That's it. I have 4 kids And what I meant is that I think its total BS for a parent to leave and then demand we pay. She tried to leave with her but that's not what happened.
 
Scorpio0823 said:
I have 4 kids And what I meant is that I think its total BS for a parent to leave and then demand we pay. She tried to leave with her but that's not what happened.
Click to expand...

You're correct, but it might be wise for you and your husband to discuss this matter in private, meaning your children aren't within earshot.

You make some valid points.

I'm sure he will, too.

I bet if the two of you discuss this matter, sooner or later, you'll create a solution that works for your family.

God luck.
 

Share this page

Get a free case review from a lawyer
Back
Top