need advice

G

Gracehole

New Member
Jurisdiction
Kentucky
Hello. My daughter is 10 years old. Her father and I have been divorced for 8 years now. He has been with a new woman for around 4 years. My daughter does not get along with her at all. In fact sometimes i have to force her to go see her father. I have tried to approach her dad with the issue and he turns it into a screaming match. I do not know what to do at this point but i feel as it is effecting her having to deal with the issue.
 
You didn't ask a question, but the answer is BOTH PARTIES must obey the court order.

If the chid is being beaten, molested, abused, maybe the court might inquire, certainly child services will investigate.

If the woman is stricter than you are, too bad, so sad; the child must be made to comply with the order.
 
Gracehole said:
Hello. My daughter is 10 years old. Her father and I have been divorced for 8 years now. He has been with a new woman for around 4 years. My daughter does not get along with her at all. In fact sometimes i have to force her to go see her father. I have tried to approach her dad with the issue and he turns it into a screaming match. I do not know what to do at this point but i feel as it is effecting her having to deal with the issue.
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That's pretty typical. You're going to have to find a way to talk to your ex about it. Also she's not really a "new" woman at this point if it's been four years.

I would try to reach out to his girlfriend but that probably isn't the best thing to do either as she will likely just get pissy. Have you asked her why she doesn't get along with this woman?

Legally I don't think you can do anything. Find out what her issues are. Tell her to talk to the woman and talk to her dad.
 
Agree. I'd say the talk should be with your daughter about how to cope with the circumstances that are troubling her.
She is 10 and likely does not see things the way she needs to in order to understand.
 
I have tried to discuss this with her father as well as the girlfriend. My daughter stated they talk bad about myself (which i have no idea why) i am very civil with the both of them and always have been. My daughter says she is treated differently the her 2 girls. She will take the other girls shopping and not mine, She questions my daughter constantly about things in my home and pumps her for information.
 
If your daughter needs to speak with a neutral party such as a counselor perhaps you can obtain one. If she is suffering any negative effects from the visitation you could always seek a modification which might air her concerns a bit. Seeking a modification doesn't mean you will get one, but it would be an opportunity for the parties involved to discuss everything with a mediator.
 
mightymoose said:
If your daughter needs to speak with a neutral party such as a counselor perhaps you can obtain one. If she is suffering any negative effects from the visitation you could always seek a modification which might air her concerns a bit. Seeking a modification doesn't mean you will get one, but it would be an opportunity for the parties involved to discuss everything with a mediator.
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mightymoose said:
If your daughter needs to speak with a neutral party such as a counselor perhaps you can obtain one. If she is suffering any negative effects from the visitation you could always seek a modification which might air her concerns a bit. Seeking a modification doesn't mean you will get one, but it would be an opportunity for the parties involved to discuss everything with a mediator.
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This is what I feel we need. Her father cannot communicate without throwing a tantrum so I feel as if we had someone to do it for us it may be better. What is a modification? Obviously i know what a mediator is but how would i go about doing this?
 
Gracehole said:
This is what I feel we need. Her father cannot communicate without throwing a tantrum so I feel as if we had someone to do it for us it may be better. What is a modification? Obviously i know what a mediator is but how would i go about doing this?
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Talk to a social worker, school counselor, child's counselor, pastor, or other religious official about counseling for you and the child.

Ask how you might get all parties involved in a mediation session to ensure the child is understood, protected, and heard.
 
Gracehole said:
I have tried to discuss this with her father as well as the girlfriend. My daughter stated they talk bad about myself (which i have no idea why) i am very civil with the both of them and always have been. My daughter says she is treated differently the her 2 girls. She will take the other girls shopping and not mine, She questions my daughter constantly about things in my home and pumps her for information.
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Your ex is your ex that's why he talks badly about you and she's his girlfriend so of course she talks badly about you. But they shouldn't be doing it in front of your daughter. Sometimes parent's significant others or stepparents do treat their biological kids differently. Some are worse than others. I mean when I was married I did my best to treat my stepdaughter and stepsons as equal as I could with my daughter but, at the end of the day, legally I had no bearing on those kids and they were not my kids. I still love them and try to cooperate with their mom since my ex can't figure out how to be an adult. I get along with my stepmom but I notice she treats her daughters differently than me and that's just natural. They are her daughters and they've been through a lot together.

I definitely would get a mediator so that way he can't act like a child. And somehow he needs to or you need to have a talk with that woman. Someone needs to tell her to mind her own business and that she has no right to pump your daughter for information and harass her. This is just me but I'd probably go off on that woman. It would probably make things worse but no one is going to harass my kid especially an adult.
 
I agree 100% with this answer. I have played the step parent role and am well aware that there is no child like your own. I had 3 stepsons a set of twins and a young man that was 11. I treated them children as if they were mine. My daughter gets very upset and cries when she speaks badly of me. At the end of the day i feel this is 100% wrong. Especially seeing as i am a very fit mother. I work very hard as well as go to school and manage to keep my daughter at A B honor roll with perfect attendance. I understand life is not easy we are all going through something. I just feel as an adult you need to direct any problems or concerns to me vs a child. I did approach the step mother about the situation and she pretty much blew it off as if it were no big deal. As i said in previous messages her father cannot hold a civil conversation to save his life. He has smacked my car, Screamed at me in front of her, cussed, And just acted like a child himself. As a mother i feel as if it is my job to do what is best for her and that is my #1 concern. I think it is best to find someone for all of us to talk to so he cannot act this way and is forced to be civil. At the end of the day i cannot continue to force my daughter to go to her dads against her will due to a girlfriend.
 
Gracehole said:
I agree 100% with this answer. I have played the step parent role and am well aware that there is no child like your own. I had 3 stepsons a set of twins and a young man that was 11. I treated them children as if they were mine. My daughter gets very upset and cries when she speaks badly of me. At the end of the day i feel this is 100% wrong. Especially seeing as i am a very fit mother. I work very hard as well as go to school and manage to keep my daughter at A B honor roll with perfect attendance. I understand life is not easy we are all going through something. I just feel as an adult you need to direct any problems or concerns to me vs a child. I did approach the step mother about the situation and she pretty much blew it off as if it were no big deal. As i said in previous messages her father cannot hold a civil conversation to save his life. He has smacked my car, Screamed at me in front of her, cussed, And just acted like a child himself. As a mother i feel as if it is my job to do what is best for her and that is my #1 concern. I think it is best to find someone for all of us to talk to so he cannot act this way and is forced to be civil. At the end of the day i cannot continue to force my daughter to go to her dads against her will due to a girlfriend.
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Moderator with your ex. It says very clearly in any parenting class not to talk about each other in front of the kids. But I know some people are less mature than their own children.

Just tell your daughter to ignore that woman and if she gets upset, just get up and walk away from her.
 
Taking this back to court could backfire. When you take issues you should resolve yourself to court the ned result normally is neither party end up happy. In my signature line there is a link (ParentNook) which is a parenting and relationship forum (not legal forum) there you canl likely find other parents and see how they dealt with similar situations. Site is hosted by this site so they are connected
 

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