Ex spouse's house is not safe

[Scaredformykids]

Jurisdiction

California

Hi. My ex and I have been seperated only 5 months. I am just starting the divorce process so there are no visitation orders yet. I have 2 young children who are with me pretty much full time. I have let dad see them and take them overnight a few times but my son, who is the oldest (4), does not want to stay overnight. This last weekend they were scheduled for a day trip and I was informed midday that my ex had recently moved in with his new girlfriend and her children. I have no problem with him seeing someone else but I do have a problem with said someone else and her children being around my children. They have never met them before to my knowledge. He would not disclose an address to me. Later that evening I was told they would be staying the night. I had to track down the address of where they were based on the little info I knew myself. The children were returned to me the next day with a lot to say. My son was scared because he had to sleep on a bed in a hot garage. Not a finished garage but next to a car. My daughter slept in the same bed as this woman's daughter. My mom was watching them for a bit after they came home and walked into their playroom to find my son on top of my daughter, clothes on, but humping her and sticking his finger in her mouth because "that's what I saw daddy do in the garage when he thought I was sleeping." I was informed daddy and his new girl were smoking in the truck when they were in the back seat. There were many other smaller incidents as well. I am so not ok with this and feel that is an unsafe environment for my children. So with that said do I have a leg to stand on? Can I withhold visitation until a court order is in place, or a check on the home, or background check of individuals living there, something? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

 

[army judge]

Until you're legally divorced, or you have a court order to the contrary, the father of the children possesses the same rights as you do.

Those children aren't YOUR children.
The children aren't his children.
The children aren't property like a car, a dog, or a cat.
The children are human beings.
The father's parental rights don't supersede the mother's parental rights.
The mother's paternal rights don't supersede the father's parental rights.

Bottom line, the father can take the children anywhere he damn well pleases, just as you can do.

If that isn't to your liking, I suggest you proceed with the divorce, the division of the marital assets, and seek a child custody order appointing you as the primary custodian, and what you want dad's visitation schedule to be.

Of course, dad will argue to the contrary, and a judge will decide.

Until a divorce has been decreed, dad's rights are equal to yours.

Dad can do as he wishes when he has the kids, just as you can do.

If at any time you believe the children to be in a dangerous situation, simply call "911" and ask the police to conduct a "welfare check" on the children.

You can always contact the child protection agency, but the police are available 24/7/365. Call "911" and the police will respond, investigate, and act rapidly.

Alternatively, the police will meet you at the address where you suspect the children are in a deadly situation. You won't be allowed to enter, but you can remain nearby as the police make contact and inquire.

 

[shrinkmaster]

Without a court order saying otherwise you two have equal rights to children. Your best option at this point is to have an adult conversation with Dad about your children and their safety. This is NOT a legal issue as of yet as courts are not involved.Again talk to Dad and have an adult talk with him about the children. If you use link in my signature line to a parenting and relationship forum (ParentNook) which is hosted by this site. There you can find other parents who may dealt with similar issues and find out how they dealt with it.